Hi everyone,
I’m a bit nervous posting but keeping things in is what has got me here. (Sorry this is going to be a bit of a long one)
It started a good decade ago when I left school and unfortunately messed things up for myself due to drug use. I had a perfect life and lost so much in a short period of time and found after that I have always been scared of things falling apart. This has given me anxiety and made me live in a bit of a box. I spent my time working hard and piecing a stable life together. Over the years the anxiety grew, I lost my dad unexpectedly; but I continued pushing through.
Last year was my 10th year in my job and I had set myself up, built a house etc and felt I was in such a great place, yet I felt so sad still always. I decided to stop being stubborn and see a dr. I started an anti depressant which helped so much. I decided to treat myself and go overseas, on my own, and I did it! I was so proud of myself and had the best time. When I returned, things at work got really bad for me and my family were in a bad place and I just felt very overwhelmed (my dr also changed my medication because of night sweats and I don’t feel it is working the same) I keep everything in, I knew I would pop.
I went to a family wedding, I didn’t want to drink and was not going to drink but I drank 😞 I don’t know what happened but I ‘popped’ no one will tell me what happened except that it was bad. My boyfriend barely looks or speaks to me. I feel sick and so sad and so embarrassed and so disappointed in myself. I’m 32 and I’m a mess! I feel like I can’t face anyone ever again. How could I let this happen when I put all my energy into keeping it together! My number one priority is everyone around me being happy and have I said horrible things to them? Awww what have I done...I don’t even want to know now.
