Feeling sick and tired, all the time.

EnergiserBunny7 · ‎21-02-2016

Hi there. I've got BPD, and I feel like a giant boiling pot of anger, depression and anxiety. I have seen some professionals recently, but they make me feel like a ping pong ball, as I never get to see someone more than once. I find it hurting more than helping and I can't gain trust, which I so desperately need. The only person that seems to understand things are my Live-in-boyfriend, but he is the sole earner in our household and if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have a roof over our heads. I try not to talk to him to much about my issues, or cry too much, as I don't want to stress him and affect his job, etc. I'm on a break from take at the moment, as I can't do it, I just can't. The words swim before my eyes. But this is only for another three weeks, and I'm dreading going back. Lately I've been unable to answer the phone if my Mother rings, buy my shopping, tell someone I'm not okay, and I'm at a loss to how I can handle day to day things. I hate feeling so needy and weak, but I don't feel like I can do anything at all, I can't read or paint or play with my cats. I noticed this morning I have a bedsore! I've been spending that much time in bed, doing nothing, I have a bedsore. I have other health issues that impact me, no gall bladder, arthritis, osteoporosis and asthma, so I generally feel weak, but that's physical, not emotional. Everything is just weighing down so much. I'm so anxious I feel physically Ill, I almost puke if my Nanna rings, and I adore her, and my Father. I don't know what's wrong and I'm lonely, and sad, and scared, and I feel like I've been trying to get help for so long and like I'm going no where, and I just don't know where to turn now.. I dont even care if no one reads this, I just had to say something, somewhere.

White_Rose · ‎22-02-2016

Dear EB

Welcome to Beyond Blue. I am so pleased you have been able to write in here and thank you for telling us your story. I am so sorry life is so difficult for you at the moment.

Have you talked to your GP lately? This should be your first port of call. I gather you are receiving services from your local hospital, hence the different psych every visit. This is one of the bad features of hospitals, lack of continuity. I understand how hard it is to retell your story every time you visit a psych. Who made your diagnosis?

I suggest you visit your GP and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist who only charges a small gap fee or who bulk bills for people with Health Care Card. If you do not have one of these then ask your GP how to get one. It is really important you have good continuity of care.

It is hard when you have no one you can confide in and trust. Have you considered phoning the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636? I know you have difficulty with the phone at moment, so if this is too hard perhaps you could use the BB Chat Online facility. Scroll to the bottom of the page and click on Chat Online during the time shown. This way you will get a response in real time and perhaps more suggestions about managing your life as these people are trained in this work.

Feeling needy and yet wanting to be well is difficult to manage. Part of you wants to be cared for until you can stand alone again and at the same time it seems wrong to ask for help. Do your parents or grandmother live nearby and can visit? Even if you cannot tell them how ill you feel, can you write a letter to explain what is happening? I feel you need more care than you are getting at the moment and a visit from those who care about you and who you love would be great.

As a first step, please go and see your GP. If you think it will be difficult to explain things to him/her then can you copy and print your post. When you see your doctor you can give the paper to him/her and go from there.

In the meantime, please keep writing in here if you think it will help.

Mary

Neil_1 · ‎22-02-2016

Dear EB,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and posting – and I love your name, by the way.

I’m glad that you were able to share things here and provide a bit of an unload for yourself – and in some small way, that can often help, just by writing things down, it can be kind of therapeutic as well. Just to list things down and then they are out of our head and possibly not so coiled up inside us as they were. Having said that, we still need to work on things to try and release more pressure and it sure sounds like you’ve got a load of things happening.

First massive positive is that you’ve got an understanding and helpful boyfriend. That is huge and as much as you think it might stress him, I think it important that you’re able to talk with him to let him know how you’re doing – so he is aware of things because it does sound like he’d be very keen to be of assistance for you.

Is it possible that he could either (a) do the shopping for you OR (b) go with you to help you shop – just to ease that process a little.

I can understand how things are really getting to you, especially as you’ve mentioned that you’ve got a number of physical symptoms that are not helping at all. I would guess that you’ve got some kind of GP assistance with regard to these issues that you mention?

Does your Mum know about what you’ve posted here? Do you think she’d be supportive of you, if you were to sit with her and tell her? I’m just thinking here, that this could be a beneficial thing – however, only you would know how this could go, and so I’ll leave those thoughts at that.

Back to your original thing with professionals and not being able to build a repour with them … and therefore not being able to build trust in those kinds of relationships. I know that’s very difficult and can be costly too, to keep trying, but it is something that is very worthwhile when you’re able to find that right connection with a psych. I wonder if your GP could refer you to another possible psych?

Would love to hear back from you on this.

Neil

White_Rose · ‎23-02-2016

Dear EB

How are you going? I Hope you are feeling a little better.

In your post you said you are on a break from take. I presume this is a typo and I wonder if you meant TAFE. I am very interested in what you are studying there. Study can often give our minds a break from the endless treadmill of worry, which would be good. However, if it is too large in your life at the moment, then it's best left until you feel better.

I probably sound like a nagging person, but have seen your doctor yet, or made an appointment. This is very important while you so distressed. Being physically unwell has a huge effect on your mental health, which seems a bit unfair I think. Can you ask your GP to refer you to a private psychiatrist? Most their fees are refundable by Medicare and your doctor may know a good psych who does not charge much above the Medicare fee. That way you can start to build a relationship with someone and work on your various problems.

Please consider this. I hope you can write in again. Neil and I will support and help you.

Mary