Feeling lost in life and generally numb

Guest_29503762

I’m seeking advice and kind words from anyone who has been through or had a loved one go through similar.

I’m struggling to find any motivation to get through my days at the moment, my usually bubbly self just feels so distant and far away.
I wake up and wish I could just stay in bed all day and not face reality. I don’t want to talk to anyone at all, I struggle to regulate my emotions (I’m crying everyday because I feel useless and worthless). I am taking everything personally, whether it’s someone’s general attitude, their words or actions, I think it’s my responsibility to claim fault.

I find myself saying to myself and my partner that I just don’t want to be here anymore, I breathing and living is hard, life in general is hard.

I do have a history of depression and anxiety, but this just feels like I’m in a hole I don’t know how to get out of. Any advice is welcome (please be kind, remember I’m a sobbing mess!)

Sophie_M

Hi Guest_29503762,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. We know it's not easy to share this, but it can be a powerful step towards feeling better and staying safe.

If you want to reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. There are also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

It sounds like it would be a really good time to update the GP on how you’re going, especially since you’ve been having thoughts about suicide. If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe, and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

You mentioned you have a history of depression and anxiety in the past. Is there anything that helped you through that time that you could consider drawing on today? Was it a good counsellor or mental health professional? Or sharing your feelings with a close friend or relative? Or was it something you were doing like exercise or creativity that distracts you and gives you some purpose? We’d love to hear if there’s anything coming to mind.

We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you, and we’re sure they’ll spot your post soon enough and have some kind words and understanding for you.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

trying_my_best

Hi @Guest_29503762

I am going to be real with you. I have been feeling quite similar lately. However, I have ADHD (a slight history with depression, however undiagnosed).

I empathise and relate to feeling like you want to stay in bed and not want to get out and “live life they way you’re supposed to”. It is so hard! However, I have been trying to take it one step at a time, that has first looked like being kind to myself, and yes I know that sounds so cliche! I’ve been allowing myself to enjoy the little things in life, like I enjoy going to the gym, and despite not wanting to leave my bed or the house for that matter I went. It “filled up my cup” just a little bit more. I think right now it is about being able to “fall in love” with the joy of the little things again!

I hope it helps to know that you aren’t alone! We got this!

Wishing you the best 🫶

Guest_10516

We all go through hard stuff that is just part of being human but it is okay we need to process our feelings. But all I can say is to take one day at a time and I say CARPE DIEM It's Latern it means siece the day. Every day is a blessing and enjoy life don't spend time in sorrow rejoice in happyness. Spend time loving life and the people in it. Because all we have is time nothing else lasts. So who you spend your time with is very important. Anyway keep your chin up and I send Peace Love And Light Too You.

therising

The warmest of welcomes to you at such an incredibly challenging time in your life. My heart truly goes out to you as you struggle in so many ways.❤️

When someone has a history of depression and/or anxiety, I can't help but always wonder whether they're a deeply feeling person or someone who feels so easily. With the depression side of things, I can relate to having a history there. As a 56yo gal, it took me decades to finally work out that I have the ability to feel what's depressing. Given it's an ability, it's technically not a fault. I've found this to be a perspective that really flips things, as it leads to the question 'What is it that I am able to feel the depressing side effects of?'.

While there can be a massive list of factors in life that can come with depressing side effects, if there's nothing obvious I tend to go for blood tests. From my own experience I have to say a depressing level of B12 deficiency is a shocker. It messed with me horribly for quite a while. With all the energy systems in the body, including the endocrine system and metabolic system, it can pay to look into which system's lacking what energy and why.

From a psychological angle, inner dialogue can be an absolute mongrel at times. The deeper we go into that hole (depression), the darker the inner dialogue can become and it can also become so incredibly mind altering and convincing. With the old 'Angel on one shoulder, devil on the other' scenario, it's like the devilish side gains our full attention while sounding completely believable. There can be brief moments when our attention shifts and we might hear inner dialogue that sounds more like 'Go on the beyond blue forums. What have you got to lose?' and that is a win, my friend. We gotta find those moments because they're the ones that are going to possibly lead us in the right direction (up instead of down). Another psychologically depressing factor can involve a false sense of identity. When your 'I am' goes from 'I am broken' to 'I am a feeler who can feel what's depressing or a sensitive who can sense what's depressing' you discover the truth, that you're not broken.

While physical/chemical factors and psychological factors can feel soul destroying once they hit a certain level, I've found it also doesn't hurt to wonder 'Could there be some soulful elements to this depression? Am I being challenged to go next level when it comes to finding a more soulful connection to life because at the moment everything just feels empty'.🙂❤️

Clara1

Hi Guest_29503762,

I can understand how you are feeling. When I am feeling this way I know it helps me to have some practical support like a lower workload so that I can rest my mind and body. Getting plenty of sleep also helps me. I feel more motivated when I enjoy my work rather than when I am given lots of chores to do. I find that exercise tends to affect my sleep wake cycle and I need to manage that.