Feeling lost and alone

[87vlc]

I have suffered from depression since i was 16 and have always been on medication. Im now 28 and a year ago i came off all medication as i was stable for years and didn't think this would happen again. For the last few months i have been struggling and this last week i have just fallen into a dark hole. I have been to see my GP and have to wait another week to see a Psychiatrist so i guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to in between. 

I feel so lost and alone and i don't know how to make it go away. I don't want to do anything i just want to sleep cause thats the only time i can't feel any pain or my head isn't overthinking. I feel all these mixed emotions I'm angry, hurt, sad, scared, lonely, numb and i just burst out into tears for no reason at all. I wish someone could feel how i feel inside so they could help me. I feel like I'm loosing control of myself and i want to stop it but i don't know how. 

I just want to be my old self again and when i smile i want it to be a real smile. 

[Zeal]

Hi and welcome to the forum,

When you came off your meds last year, did you do it gradually and after asking your doctor first? You probably did, but I'm just checking, as it's always important to do this when reducing or weaning off medication.

It's great that you've already been to see your GP, and will be seeing a psychiatrist soon. In the meantime, make sure you eat regular meals and call or see family members. I understand that going out to see friends may be too overwhelming at the moment. Calling family members is a good alternative.

Best wishes,

SM

[87vlc]

Thank you SM

Coming off my medication i done with a GP the correct way, i probably should have went back as soon as i wasn't feeling the best but kept pushing it aside. Talking is something i am finding very hard to do at the moment, i just cant find the words and i just shut down. 

Thanks again!

[Guest_1055]

Dear 87vlc

I know what it is like to want to curl up in bed, and just want to sleep. For me feeling all those emotions makes me feel tired and even real heavy , and all that crying and crying, I find very exhausting. I do think a lot as well, I go over and over, about how I am actually feeling or not feeling. Or even how people have hurt me. I become extremely inward looking. At other times, I might be in a state of not even feeling real,like I am in a dream. So that may be the same as your numbness, I am not sure though.

I don't like to verbally speak really at any time. And that is even worse when I have to feel all these emotions, that is all just to much. Sometimes I will just write about what I feel inside, just to get it all out. I find that does help. Even writing to you, right now, it is sort of making me feel a bit lighter. So thank you for that.

You are not alone, even though it does feel like it. Anyway I replied to your post, because I do care about you and I wanted you to feel that.

The lost feeling, well I haven't worked that out yet. But right now, as I write this I am thinking it is because it is dark, and we really can't see where we are going, or need to go.

I assure you that I am here, and I am reaching out to you, like you are doing by posting in this forum. Now that we are both reaching out, we should be able to give each other a hug. So here you go. This is for you.

Sorry I fear that you will think all of what I have said is plain nonsense. And I am scared of what you think about me, but I am choosing to  click the " post this reply" button anyway.

Well here we go.

Shelley anne

Wait the smiling thing, I am doing an experiment on that subject. And one of my conclusions is that it is hard to smile, when you feel so sad inside. And that you can't force your lips to move like that. I tried to smile when feeling sad, but it feels like a plastic one, not real. So I am guessing there is a time to smile and I time to weep.

[87vlc]

Hey Shelley anne,

 Thank you for your kind words, please do not think that what you have said is total nonsense. You have given me hope, knowing that there is someone else out there feeling the same way that i am. I think that feeling of not feeling real is the same i just didn't know how to explain it. Sometimes its like i think that maybe I'm going crazy and thats why I'm having all these mixed up emotions that i cant explain.

Thank you for having the courage to reach out to me, what you have said makes complete sense to me and i give you a hug back also. I hope that your darkness is getting a little lighter and you can also work out how to smile a REAL smile.

Thank you.

[Chicken_Wings]

87vlc

I know what it feels like. The feeling like everything is just too much effort and the world is dark. Tears although horrible actually feel sort of good. You just want to hide yourself away and try and do whatever makes you feel better in that minute. Days can feel like such work.

You are not alone in this and I think something to remember is that you have beaten this before and you will do it again. You will be ok again and I guess if you want to put a silver lining on how you are feeling now, this will give you such a wonderful appreciation that someone who has never been where you are could have.

You will experience joy and laughter and you will truly enjoy it because you know what the opposite is like.
You will feel good again. You will smile honestly. You will get through this.