Feeling lost and alone

[Roseysand]

For the last couple days I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with starting university again and the demands of work.

I feel like I’m soo far left behind academically and it’s too late to ask my tutors for help and other students already made their little group of friends. I don’t want to disappoint my family for wanting to take a break this semester...

I can’t speak to my family members cause I’m scared of disappointing them and the last time I opened up to a friend ended our relationship (I haven’t spoken to her in weeks when I told her about my ‘eating habits’.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Roseysand,

You sound very drained and, as you said, overwhelmed. I feel the pressure that you’re under from trying to juggle so many different stressors and expectations....I feel that’s a lot...

I imagine you’re also possibly feeling lonely in your struggles, because it doesn’t seem like there are many people you can open up to. In particular, I think that your previous experience opening has made you nervous and wary about sharing your struggles...

I wonder if you might consider contacting your uni’s counselling/student welfare services to see if they can direct you to a counsellor, advisor or psychologist. Generally speaking, I believe all/most higher education institutions (tafe, uni, private colleges, etc) should have some form of counselling service.

It’s just that I feel maybe talking to someone at your uni about your studies and struggles might be helpful, in terms of deciding your next step with your studies. I wonder, how does that sound to you?

Also, you’re of course most welcome to write any time here. I know some people find it soothing to share, vent, discuss and connect here. That said, obviously there’s no pressure. Only write in when and if you’re feeling up to it...

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[White_Rose]

Dear Roseysand

Welcome to the forum. This is a safe place to write about those matters that cause you distress. Please feel free to post here as often as you wish.

That feeling of being lost with no one to turn to is very uncomfortable. Anyone who has been depressed will understand this feeling and I also know from my depression how lonely the world can feel.

Pepper has made a great suggestion about contacting your uni counselling service. Talking to someone there would be good as beside their counselling skills they will have knowledge on how the uni works.

Can you tell us why you think your family would be disappointed if you deferred for one semester. I realise they will ask you why and perhaps this is the reason for not deferring. I presume you are studying part time because of your work commitments. Or maybe you are studying full time and work part time to have an income.

I went to uni as a 'mature age' student and found my tutor very helpful. I could talk to her whenever I needed. Is there a particular reason why you cannot ask for help now? Sorry to ask all these questions but it may help you to clarify what you want or are going to do. It also helps us to support you. Only talk if you are comfortable telling us anything.

Can you explain to us why you feel you are far behind academically? Have you failed any subjects? If not then you are keeping up with the uni requirements. Can I ask what you are studying? My degree was communication and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Well at least until exam time. Never much good at these as I felt my brain turned to water.

It is disappointing when our friends are not supportive and I can understand why you feel you cannot speak with anyone else. The 'once bitten, twice shy' certainly applies here. However we will not refuse to talk to you.

Come and continue chatting to us.

Mary

[Roseysand]

Thank you for your message!

I’ll take talking to a university counsellor on board about my anxiety/depressive state, I don’t think I’ll ready to talk about my ED just yet.

[Roseysand]

Hi Mary,

Im quite scared to seek out family members about my issues about mental health and university because they are high academic achievers and don’t really believe in mental health in the same ways I believe we have both nonverbally agreed too.

Im a fully time student at university studying a masters of education, I’m just overwhelmed with stressed. I haven’t failed...yet but as part of my course I need to score a credit average to graduate and I don’t believe I’m on track of that task. I don’t think I can go to my tutors for help because they can’t really review unsubmitted work soo until then I won’t really know how I’m going. I have seek help with my writing at the university library writing workshop, however, they were really no help.

Work right now is just added on stress. There is a high turnover and drop rate and as one of the longer/older staff members they have given me the extra workload. I have asked for less shifts and other staff if they wanted my shifts but no luck yet.

Thanks for replying to my message!

[White_Rose]

Hello Roseysand

Thanks for your reply. I am sorry I did not fully understand your situation. What you say makes a big difference and I appreciate your difficulties. Thank you for telling us your story.

Sadly many people think mental illness is a myth or an excuse to get out of work of some kind. And of course this is a bigger problem in a family with high academic achievements. I am at a loss to make any other suggestion other than speaking with your uni counsellors.. I think you could find this very helpful as I said, because of their knowledge of the university. Plus of course their counselling skills.

Can you talk about why you are having these difficulties? I mean other than your anxiety. Or is your anxiety the result of falling a little behind? I gather you are working in a non-teaching position at the moment and in a job with high stress levels. Can you reduce this stress by finding a different job? Sorry if this is a silly question. I am thinking about ways for you to have less stress and be able to work on your assignments more effectively. Can you simply say 'no' to being given this extra work?

I still think it would be good to chat with your tutor. It's not about your grades for work not yet done but for work already completed and marked. I suggest asking for feedback on your assignments in general. It's not going to change your already graded work but may help you to improve in the future. I think this is a legitimate request.

Do you know why you are not doing as well as you expected? It may be the job stress, or misunderstanding the assignments, or not writing in the approved fashion. I know I had to be very careful to cite my references to stay within the guidelines. Ask your tutor if you can have a chat and if he/she will tell you what you can/cannot discuss. Again I think this is a legitimate request.

Hope this helps.

Mary

[Roseysand]

Hi Mary,

At this moment quitting isn’t an option right now (hopefully early next year I’ll be gone). Good news is that I’ve reached out and spoken to a few staff members that needed shift and was able to give all mine away, so I’ll be having this week off to focus on myself.

I’ve spoken to some of my peers and another tutor today (not the regular lecturer I have) and cleared out some issues with the assessment task, however I’m still finding trouble. I’m still a little lost but I’m learning to let this go and hopefully I can redeem myself in the next.

There are a lot of factors at play, my lack of sleep due to stress, new academic setting and relapse in my eating disorder. Maybe all three are reasons why I’m not really feeling like myself anymore.

I still feel like there’s nothing I can do at this moment but let this play out and pick myself up and hopefully all goes well in the end.

I really appreciate your message and kind words.

[White_Rose]

Hello Roseysand

So pleased you have reached out for help at uni. It is OK to clarify assignment requirements.

Good that you have managed to take time off from work. Try to do something lovely for yourself during the week. I know it seems like a waste of time when you have so much on your plate, but see it as a time for relaxing and recharging the batteries. We need to take this time for ourselves, not just because it's something nice but because we need to have a break from all the worries of life. It is surprising how much better we can cope afterwards.

Try going for a walk, preferably every day but if not every day go as often as you can. The exercise is good for your body and helps the body to release its tension. Notice all the good things while walking; the flowers and plants in the gardens you pass, the birds, the people you meet along the way and anything else that attracts your eye.

How long have you been working on your uni course? A Masters usually takes two years I understand. However it may only be a year full time. I'm not well up on that aspect.

Do you have plans for when you finish your degree? My guess is that you will be teaching but not sure. Are you already a teacher? Perhaps you are completing this degree for a different reason. I would love to know but again only those things you are comfortable about.

I was sad learn you also had an eating disorder. Have you had help in managing this? While this has not been one of my difficulties I can imagine how difficult it can be to manage. And of course we all tend to go back to bad habits when we are upset.Trying to find comfort in something is the reason we start these habits and why they feel so comforting when we go back.

You have started managing the difficulties in your life and making decisions. Keep up the good work.

Mary

[Roseysand]

Hi Mary!

My masters programs is 2years, I’ve only just started. I entered mid term as I was doing my undergrad part time and will officially graduate in September. So the impact of being a full time student is a whirlpool of emotions until I find my place again.

And yes! Walking outdoors helps me clear my mind and troubles away, my friends and I are planning to hike in a couple of weeks so hopefully that will do some good.

I had help with my ED while I was in high school and was titled recovered for about 4years now but sadly I have been practicing bad eating habits again. (I know this isn’t a ED forum so I’ll only speak briefly about this in fear of trigging someone reading this) but controlling my food and intake is just a coping mechanism for me.