Feeling like a total and utter failure..

PsychedelicFur · ‎15-02-2023

It’s PF here again.

I feel like a total and utter failure. I feel like the only thing I have ever accomplished is being in uni.

I had extensive anxiety from my previous job. My anxiety got in the way. And I found it extremely overwhelming to deal with some of the work place mistreatment. I also found it difficult to hold down a job as well as do my studying.

i can’t hold a relationship down. My last relationship; that I ended quite recently ago was because my partner would say manipulative things to me.

AND I’m struggling to get my probationary license. I keep going for the test, passing stage one and then failing.

I feel like such an utter failure and disappointment. I can’t hold down a job, or a relationship and I can’t get my probationary license. I have done extra extra hours of driving, way past the 120hrs. Driving in all conditions. I CAN drive and I have my own car.

Although, everytime I get in the car with the instructor I get nervous and I despise the feeling of having someone examine my driving.

it’s very debilitating. I have temporarily left social media, more specifically Facebook because that site was causing me to have severe anxiety and bad depression. I feel like such a BIG failure. I only have my university degree but semester one starts back, officially at the end of this month. I feel so crap about my accomplishments. I can’t keep a job, relationship and I CAN’T EVEN GET MY DRIVERS LICENSE. I feel pathetic 😞

Sophie_M · ‎15-02-2023

Hi PsychedelicFur, Thank you for sharing here. We’re sorry to hear how strong these feelings of self-hatred are for you. That must be incredible difficult, and we’re really glad you could share this here, as it must be really hard to sit with those feelings on your own. It sounds like it could be good to try to speak to someone. Some options are speaking to a trusted person, or the GP. We’d really recommend getting in touch with the Beyond Blue support line on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat 24/7. Doing the things that make us feel happy or balanced is so important. Is there anything that makes you feel this way? We really don’t want you to feel like a burden, that’s a horrible thing to feel. Some of the lovely community members here on the forum may be able to relate to that feeling, and we hope you find some comfort in their words. We expect they’ll come across your thread soon. Here’s a few things it might be helpful to look at while you’re waiting:

Thank you again for sharing here. It can be really hard to do that, and so we hope you can feel some pride in having done so. Kind regards, Sophie M

PsychedelicFur · ‎15-02-2023

I feel like I can’t do anything right, the only thing I’m proud of is my university at the moment. I am concentrating on my bachelors degree.

I wrote down some affirmations for myself on a piece of paper to help remind myself that I AM OK. It’s so hard to remind myself these things.

I am actively trying to strive for better in my life. I have dreams, goals and aspirations.

white knight · ‎15-02-2023

Hi PF,

I've been here nearly 10 years and in that time I've got familiar with many members. So when I come across one of your posts I immediately feel like (symbolically) hugging you. Why? because you remind me so much of myself at around 20-22yo. I'm 67yo now.

So here I am with such a pathetic view of myself at that age but then I started listening to others, friends, bosses, successful business owners and motivation speeches. Some said the following-

the way to succeed is when we fall down we stand up, dust ourselves off and try another day
you are not a failure- you are you Tony and that means you jump hurdles others dont jump but still the same number...
Until you appreciate a bee collecting nectar, the sun rising and setting or a single breath of fresh air, you'll always find difficulty in the most mundane challenges of society...
(from my dyslexic wife) you complain because you can find a word to describe something... I can spell any words at all.

So to sum up, it's the way you are focussing on these "failures". They are not failures, they are things you find difficult. Here I am 45 years later advising others how to cope with life's hardships. I've dusted myself off so many times but I made it. You will too. You are wonderful.

Now, watch that sunset, enjoy. It's not all bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y

TonyWK

Perfectly Scattered · ‎16-02-2023

Hi There,

I am sorry to hear your having such a rough time. I have been where you are. In that place where you just feel like you can't grasp anything positive, I've had no job, no relationship and nothing positive to look forward too. The truth is that I still have no job and no relationship, but now instead of looking outside of myself for things that make me happy, I look inward. I spent a great deal of time thinking about what I like to do, who I like to be with and set some achievable goals. So despite still not being in a relationship, I spend time with my friends and doing things that I enjoy, I even started trying to line-dance last week. I figure that the more I get out and get involved in things, the more chance that I will have things to talk about with new people. Try to love yourself. And instead of choosing a career that bores me, I chose a Uni course that really interests me. So eventually I will have a career that interests me.

The test for a licence can be extremely nerve racking. It might take more time, but you will get it. It's so hard to see them as ordinary people when they hold the power to pass or fail you. One of my teachers once told me to 'name it to tame it', meaning that it sometimes helps to tell the instructor 'hey, I am really nervous because this means a lot to me', generally this will open up conversation and hopefully they might say just the right thing to calm your nerves.

Good luck. Honestly, life is hard sometimes but there are always good things to come.

therising · ‎17-02-2023

Hi PF

I've found it's impossible to succeed at something I'm destined to fail at. It's hard to succeed in a job where workmates are depressing and/or anxiety inducing, especially a boss. Can succeed for a while but not too long. Much easier to succeed in a job where workmates are inspiring and supportive in regard to the challenges faced in that job. I've found it's impossible to succeed in a marriage where my husband isn't putting in the work to make it successful. I can put in most of the work, to keep it interesting or exciting in a number of ways, but if he's going to choose to sit on the couch and enjoy small talk while proclaiming 'That's just not me' when it comes to any form of adventure or constructive change, the marriage will fail when it comes to enjoyment, adventure and change. I finally realised it's a pretty depressing marriage that I've put a lot of hard work into. I've succeeded in becoming proud of all that work. Easy for me to fail at something I find too anxiety inducing to manage. Will either recognise it's not for me or recognise I need to find ways of calming my nervous system down so I don't feel my nervous system while feeling like I'm suffocating at the same time. Practicing new breathing techniques is working wonders.

Speaking of affirmations or mantras, changing the mantra 'I'm a failure' to 'I'm failing to _____ because_____' is something I've found has made a difference in a lot of cases. While 'I'm a failure' is a declaration that can trigger some dark dialogue, 'I'm failing to _____ because_____' is about looking for some form of enlightenment/greater internal and external understanding. One way of looking at it, overall, is...I will always fail at sticking with what depresses me because I'm not meant to stick with it long term. I'll always fail at sticking with what leads me to overwhelming anxiety because I'm not meant to stick with it long term. If I can't change elements within what's depressing or anxiety inducing, 'no change' becomes intolerable.

I imagine you succeed at uni in a variety of ways because learning holds joy for you. So much easier to succeed at that which provides us with joy.