Feeling invalidated

JRFOXIE · ‎10-01-2018

I have a mood disorder that my parents do not recognise. Instead they believe I just have a bad behaviour. They were offered education at the last family meeting but refused it saying they knew enough. It wouldn't be an issue if I didn't have to live with them. They are critical of everything I do or say. They told me I can never end up in hospital again for anything physical or mental health because they don't want to have to pick me up. Obviously it is a promise I cannot possibly make. It is wearing me down and I was only discharged from hospital for depression in December.

white knight · ‎10-01-2018

Hi JR

Yes, a tough situation.

I don't know your age but when you get to a certain age and earn a wage you can make your own way in life.

When I was 4 days past my 17th birthday I joined the RAAF. Best thing ever done!! it gave me an adult wage, cheap rent and food, mates, travel, a purpose to serve my country etc.

Consider all of your future options.

Tony WK

romantic_thi3f · ‎12-01-2018

Hi JRFOXIE,

Thanks for your post.

Oh I feel for you; I've been there and I'm sorry you are struggling.

It is really hard when the people that we're living with do not understand what's going on for us. Sometimes this can be the people we think know us best, like friends, family, partners or - in your case, parents.

So it sounds like your parents are totally dismissing the idea of you having a mood disorder and instead think everything going on is bad behaviour? What is that like to hear? I know from me personally I was quote "looking for attention and being a drama queen" and I felt incredibly alone.

Sadly some people can be really stubborn in not wanting to know and understand more; so my guess is that for now at least, your parents are stuck in this mindset. It's not ideal. That's probably a big part of Tony WK's suggestion - in that once you can surround yourself with others it gets a lot easier. Is that something you can do now? Perhaps you can't leave home; but could you find other people who can validate you? Whether that's friends, other family, neighbours, other students/colleagues?

From my own experiences the best bet right now is resilience;- you might not be able to get the support you need from your parents right now and that is sad, but you can get support from other people. It won't be the same, but it can still show you that you're being heard and lift you up.

Hope this helps,

JRFOXIE · ‎12-01-2018

I am yet to make any friends in this state. I've lived here for almost two years and been in and out of hospital. I'm not fit to return to work yet. I am a nurse and the registration board has put restrictions on my practice stating I will need supervision for six months. However, that may stop me being hired in the first place plus I must have proven I'm stable and have clearance from my psychiatrist and an independent psychiatrist.

romantic_thi3f · ‎16-01-2018

Hi JRFOXIE,

Ah, I understand. I did say friends but this is only one strategy that you can use. For me I feel that the most important thing is that you yourself can find that resilience in being able to accept (as much as you can) the way that your parents don't validate what's going on for you.

I imagine it must be difficult having these restrictions put in place; what's that like for you? How are you feeling about all of it?

I hope that you have someone to talk to about all of this. Please let us know if there's some way that we can better support you with what you're going through.