Feeling hopeless

[4n0Nn13]

I’m not sure on where to start as I struggle with expressing my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I’ve been struck in this unhappiness for a while, it’s hard for me to explain it my partner what I’ve been experiencing internally. I find it an effort to try explain when I don’t really understand why I’m feeling the way I do. I have no motivation to do daily tasks as I’m waking up to a sense of dread, I don’t really have a sense of purpose and worry I’m thinking too much about what it would be like to just move on and not really do this anymore. I want to feel connected but I struggle with being vulnerable or when I do try to reach out, it’s been misunderstood and I’m feeling alone again. 

[indigo22]

Hi,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am sorry to hear how low you have been feeling, it's not easy trying to deal with life when you are in that dark place. It is very lonely when those around you don't have the experience to understand what you are feeling.

The good news is that a lot of people here do understand so there is no need to explain, I found that such a relief when I first joined the forums.

So my first questions are:

Have you been to your GP and told them what you are experiencing? - This would be your first priority.

Have you been seeing a counsellor of any sort? - Second priority.

Have you been diagnosed? - Third priority.

In order to get on top of any mental illness, there need to be steps taken to understand why you are feeling the way you are, and steps to manage those feelings.

I have been dealing with depression for most of my life (now in my 60s) and without help, I would have given up a long time ago. You have taken the first step in reaching out here which tells me you are ready to begin taking the remaining steps over time.

You don't need to feel alone anymore, we will be here to support you, but only you can take the rest of the steps to recovery.

Please let me know your thoughts,

indigo

[4n0Nn13]

Hi Indigo,

Thank you for responding. I’ve been going to counselling since the start of the year, they’ve mentioned I have a lot of trauma to unpack and I’m aware it’s quite difficult to do so when I can’t really put words together to explain. It’s not like I’ve had a major incident that has caused me trauma, I think it’s just grown from childhood experiences and adulthood relationships.

I guess I’ve had this stigma around trauma and I never really understood my experiences and what’s happened that it affects me so much. 

I’ve booked a follow up appointment with my GP to go through alternative options as I don’t seem like I’m getting anywhere with talk therapy. 

[indigo22]

Hi 4nONn13,

That's great that you are taking the steps, even if it is not the right therapy for you at present, at least you are trying something.

You know, I never really thought of what I had been through as trauma either. I think we are under the impression that trauma has to be a big event, like it must be newsworthy to be traumatic, but this is not the case.

How we are affected by events in our life depends on a number of factors. How we were brought up, if we were allowed to express our feelings openly, if we are a HSP (highly sensitive person), if we are introverted or shy, if we feel safe, etc. I and many others here are HSPs, you can look this up by searching 'HSP Elaine Aron' to see if you fit the description.

I came to understand that I had been through trauma and I am still unpacking some of it. One thing I would suggest is looking into Somatic Therapy. This goes a step further than talk therapy to work on releasing trapped energy that wasn't processed at the time of the event. This could be one reason you have trouble articulating your feelings, simply because you haven't figured out yet where they are coming from. Finding the right therapist can be a bit of trial and error in the beginning, but you will know when you have found the right person to work with. There are a few types of somatic therapy you could read up on - Somatic Experiencing; EFT (emotional freedom technique) also known as Tapping; EMDR (eye movement desensitising and reprocessing).

There are a few others, these are the most well known ones. Many therapists that do this type of work are known as either 'Soul Based Therapist' or 'Soul Centered Therapist' which you can also search for online.

If you like to read, a book I recommend is 'The Body Keeps The Score' by Bessel van der Kolk.

For reading on Somatic Experiencing, look for books by Peter A. Levine, he developed this particular therapy.

There are many others I can suggest if you are interested in further reading material.

Aside from that, just continue this conversation whenever you wish, it always helps to get things out of your head so they don't keep spinning around in there.

Things can and will get better with the right people in your corner.

indigo