Feeling hollow

[CB81]

Hi, I feel I’m running out of options. I was actually ok during lockdown and I’ve still got a full-time job I can do from home so I felt blessed.

But the pain of being 39 and always single stings. It’s taken me a while to get over someone (even though he was never mine as he had a GF). He played games and it was on again off again but he’s had me blocked for over a year and it’a fed into my feelings of worthlessness.

I’m trying bumble again and I don’t get any messages back. I’ve lost capacity for joy. Life seems like just work and obligations. I’ve got a spa weekend on my own coming up and looking forward to it. I guess at 39 I feel more of a social outcast for not having married.

The only things anchoring me at moment are exercise, work and reading. But i am scared I’m never going to be happy again or date. I cry myself to sleep most nights. Last night I took a benzodiazepine which helps.

I guess I wanted to ask has anyone really changed and become happier after being so low for ages. Anyone actually meet anyone after 39 without being looked at like a weirdo for not being married?

[MidnightOil]

Hey CB81,

Welcome to the forums 🙂 I hope you can find some peace and comfort here.

I can't relate to your situation exactly, but my parents met when my dad was 48 and they've been happily married for more than 20 years. I don't know whether he felt like he was "looked at like a weirdo" but people are always going to look and comment on things that are none of their business.

I know you've probably heard it all before but I genuinely do mean it. You are whole on your own and you are enough on your own. There's no time limit for love and there is nothing wrong with you for being single. Also, about the bumble thing - I think you should give yourself a little more credit; online dating is hard!

I really hope that you can find something to help you feel more fulfilled. I have found that sometimes the things I want come when I stop looking for them so hard. Let yourself see love in the smaller things and the places you wouldn't normally notice - friends, pets, strangers, hobbies, nature. Sounds cheesy I know, but that mentality gets me through sometimes. I hope you enjoy your spa weekend! Feel free to come back to the forums whenever you need to and let us know how you're getting on.

All the best

[CB81]

Thank you. I feel better just reading this. I am going to see my counsellor this month and I hope the break coming up will help.