Despondent

[Dobbs88]

Hi all, thanks for letting me reach out.

I should start off by saying I’m rather lucky in life, I have a lovely partner and friends.

i have a history of depression and ocd. I’m working in a job where it’s taboo to talk about mental illness. It’s also highly competitive. Positions are heavily sought after.

I had my sights set on a certain position for the future. But it required pre requisite experience. I spoke to the appropriate people before jobs were given out for next year about how they could help me gain the right rotations in my job next year for this. They said they’d do all they could to help. When jobs were released a week ago though they had given me no rotations in these areas at all, giving these rotations to everyone in my particular “stream” except for me. I was devastated. These people also will not respond to emails or pick up their phones.

Im gutted. The very nature of these positions means no experience this year prohibits you from getting experience the following year and so on. This has jeopardised my career before it really began. Since this happened I’ve stopped seeing my friends, family, having horrible thoughts, struggled to sleep and eat. I desperately try to hide how bad Im feeling at work because i feel ashamed and humiliated. My family can’t understand so I avoid talking to them and I havent explained to my partner how down I’m feeling. I can’t see a way forward in my career at all now and I feel like I’ve lost everything I worked so hard for.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Dobbs88,

We're really grateful that you decided to reach out to our friendly community here and share your journey with us. We're so sorry to hear that you missed out on rotations while others in your stream were given these opportunities. We can hear how upset and devastated you must be feeling right now, but please know that you are not alone in this, and you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside. It sounds like you are an incredibly dedicated and hard-working person to take the initiative and ask the appropriate people how they could help you gain these rotations, and we are so sorry to hear that they're also not responding to emails or phone calls. We hope that talking these feelings through with our caring community will help to bring you some comfort and we're here to provide as much support and advice as you need through this.

You mentioned that you have a history of depression and OCD- can we ask if you are currently receiving any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially when it's feeling really difficult to reach out to family or friends. We'd really encourage you to get in touch with the friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available to help offer support and advice 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  In addition to this, please also know that our kind friends at Lifeline are available anytime, day or night, on 13 11 14 , or through online chat (available 7pm-12am) whenever these feelings are becoming too much to cope with.

We're all here to help you through this, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

[Croix]

Dear Dobbs88~

I'm having two different sorts of thoughts about your predicament. With some people the job is all, they enjoy it, find it useful and satisfying and look forward to going to work every day.

For others it is not so much the particular job but the will to succeed and obtain the best position possible is the most important factor. That can be good

but

when you harness that will to succeed with a job that sounds to me to be rather toxic I wonder if you are placing too much importance in it.

You exhibited your ability to plan and negotiate and your capability by having discussions with those in authority. Sadly this has in some way backfired and everyone else but you has advanced.Maybe they do not want such qualities.

Add to that those you talked to will not answer you calls and I think your workplace firstly has peple in it who undertake to help -then renege, plus an attitude that is overly competitive, striving to get the most out of each employee without thought of their welfare

The fact mental health problems are not taken into account -or even talked about I think bears me out. They may be happy to cause them, but not moderate their actions and have an employee welfare plan that takes mental health into consideration

Do you think the above is a fair appraisal?

Frankly I think your current state -which sounds an awful lot like mine when I became subject to depression and anxiety, is a result of their policy.

May I make some suggestions?

Your family will have noticed a change in you already, do you think you could explain what has happened to one of them -maybe your partner. It will reduce her worry and stop you from trying to bear the burden of all this in isolation

A reaction as bad as yours, taken together with a past history of depression and OCD really does need professional care to stabilize and then improve. If you already have a medical team please tell them of the increase in symptoms, and the reason why

If you do not have medical help now would be an excellent time to start, probably with an 'extended' consultation with your GP, and see where things go from there.

Lastly, and this may be the most difficult, would you consider looking for another job, one with a policy that does not go too far in using people and has a kinder and more honest culture?

I hope you come back and say what you think about this

Croix

[Dobbs88]

Hi Croix,

I think you’re pretty spot on in your assessment, thankyou for your insights. I am definitely going to be looking for a new position, but sadly the system is set up to not allow you to do that easily for next year. I am essentially “locked in” for next year. It is a profession that demands extreme commitment and heavy hours (55-60 per week) but treats you poorly early on. I like that assessment and need to move on after next year.

I think my partner has become sick of my mood right now, as has my family, and I don’t feel exactly like burdening either of them. I don’t feel like they wanna hear my worries so I internalise it. If I’m going to be honest I sometimes have thoughts of if I got sick and it all ended what would I have achieved, and it wouldn’t matter because everything is ruined anyway. This is counterproductive and I don’t know what to do with that.

i tend to agree, it has a lot of personal importance right now which perhaps I need to refocus. I have always been an “everything or nothing” person.

i have been accused of being “selfish” before when going through times like this, and recently, my theory is that everyone who is perceived as “selfish “ cannot assist the needs of others as they haven't mastered their own mind yet.

[Croix]

Dear Dobbs88~

If a partner becomes withdrawn, self absorbed and obviosly unhappy one idea that the family might have is that you are selfish, another is that you are sick of them, and so on.

In other words lack of honesty leads to a whole load of potential misunderstandings.

What would happen if you said what had been happening to your partner and asked advice, a second person's perspective? I would imagine there is a very good chance your partner's view of you would chage radically, and at the same time would feel pleased you valued that person's opinion and felt able to trust that person too..

If you don't mind me saying so you are still locked into that job which now sounds even worse with those long hours and taking a year to perhaps advance (you did not advance before though you would have expected it)

Sounds dodgy and exploitative from your description.

You don't have to master your own mind to be with and help others. Mind mastering is somethng most should aim for, but it is a lifelong journey, and you can scatter good along the way.

The TV Show Monkey Magic was based on ideas from Buddhist and/or Taoist philosophies. Maybe you saw it. Only one of the 5 had come close to self-mastery but they managed (mostly) to do good. (I only mention this to keep your interest:)

It's another way of saying to you cut yourself some slack, I'm suggesting you look at priorities and effects again. You current course is leading you down the well worn path of "I make no difference. therfore ..."

You do, and I'd expect it is more positive (with bumps) than you suspect

Croix