Feeling Depressed

[guest2046046]

Hi everyone, I am just new to the anonymous forum but I just wanted to get some advice from some strangers with a more objective point of view and vent a little. I am a high school student that is struggling with feelings of depression that more often comes than goes. I hate my high school and have practically no friends. I have tried sitting with so many different people but none of them seem that interested in being friends with me and I don't particularly click with any of them and I feel constantly lonely. I don't really have anyone to talk to about how I am feeling, which often makes me feel even more empty and depressed. I have been excluded from formal tables that I thought I would be able to sit at and have lots of assignments due as well as lots of exams coming up soon that I am dreading. Although I already have early entry into a uni, I just really do not have the motivation to study, so everything combined with exams I just don't want to do is horrible. I find myself thinking nothing is enjoyable anymore, and even when I go to go home from school, I find it quite pointless because nothing interests me or makes me feel relieved from leaving school (I used to like wasting time on youtube but now that doesn't even seem appealing anymore so nothing is), and I feel like I have no friends to talk to. I have a therapist and have medication but am unsure if this clearly is even helping. I have a fairly chill/ok job that often takes up some of my weekends and has a longer drive that takes a little while, and I feel obligated to be busy all the time to be successful I guess and the rest of my family is busy as well. I have now been offered a new job a bit closer to home. I am not sure what to do with this either, and I am going for an interview soon but unsure whether I am bothered to even work at a new job anymore, since everything already feels a bit overwhelming, but maybe if I take only one shift a week? (the job situation is simplified I have no characters left). This all seems insignificant, a bit like I shouldn't really be having problems and not feeling ok but honestly everything is really draining and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on what to do?

[PaulPerryman]

Hi, my situation isn't the same as yours but i too suffer depression for some time, in my case it's due to one thing after another going on in my life and bottling it up til i hit a breaking point the past 7 weeks that it is endlessly flowing seemingly with no stop button.  My brain just sais you are sad now and i have no control over the tears either.

As a kid groing up i was always picked on in school, i did have some friends tho (the outcast group) which i went through primary/high school with and we remained friends til our 30's then our lives went on seperate paths. Otherwise i was always very shy unless someone reached out to me and then i was able to counter. and i had numerous casual jobs until my current job (Storeman/Warehouse) that i started at 20yrs ago as a casual/perm. casual and then went fulltime approximately 15yrs ago.  Through this job i was able to open up more and feel important BUT it lead to more and more stress with me doing the job of 5 people at one point and that led to constant epileptic like brain zaps and eventually a nervous breakdown 2 years ago.
 I wont bore you with the rest of the last 2 years ordeal but to cut it short.  I've been diagnosed with Sleep Apnea, had a major car crash, and in the last 8 weeks i had a seizure leading to Dislocating both shoulders and fracturing one aswell.  The medical team have been more of a hinderance then anything since i was admitted to the hospital. and my father passed away whilst i was recovering in hospital aswell.  So like you i'm at a very low point.

I can however offer some advice, like me, you've made the fist step by reaching out to others and not just bottling it up.

there are Walk-in clinics all over australia that allow you to walk with without a referall completely free and see a therapist, you get 6 sessions for free, after the first session where they just let you talk it out and try to determine what best help they can offer, they refer you to what ever specialist type you need.  Sondar is the one i'm using aswell as another service through most work places called Employment Assistance Support Programme and like Sondar you'll get 6 sessions for free.  The doctor can also get you a care package but in my experience they chose services that cost money

You can also reach out to a trusted friend or family, while i was in hospital and had no idea what i was doing and couldn't sleep i spent most of my time talking to other patients and trying to help them out which made me a better person and was helping me struggle with my situation plus dad's death/funeral.  SInce i came out of hospital i lost that support network of fellow patients except for some that i keep in contact with but i had an amazing wife and my bosses check in on me every week whilst im on leave

I'm still in a seemingly endless cycle of happy/miserable/drained and feel hopeless/useless but always in discomfort at best with my shoulders pain/recovery.  All the medications im on for my varous issues don't help the situation either

You are important and need to look out for yourself regardless of what your head is telling you.
 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Guest (and wave to Paul Perryman),

I just wanted to say that I felt very similar to you at your age. I also felt very alone in high school. I had a sort of group of friends I would sit with, but I never felt I belonged with them or anyone. I was very quiet and felt kind of invisible. I also remember those feelings of overwhelm. It is very understandable with all you are dealing with - study, exams, work and trying to find some social belonging.

With regard to the job, taking just one shift a week could be a really good idea in terms of managing with your studies as well. If you are feeling overwhelmed it may just take some pressure off, but you still have a foot in the door with a job that can be useful for the bit of extra money and it's also good on your resume going forward. You could at least give it a go and it may help that it's a bit closer to home, saving you time when you have study commitments too.

With regard to feeling alone at school, one thing I have found in life is that as you grow older you increasingly start to find "your people" so to speak. High school can be a challenging time socially in which people are trying to fit in and it can be easy to feel like you don't fit. But once you start to differentiate your life more as you follow your own life path, and the more you connect with what interests you, the more likely you are to meet other people with similar interests who you feel more of a connection with. I know at the moment you feel like nothing interests you, but it may be just the stage you are in at high school where you have been in the school system a long time and there may be a sameness to everything at the moment. However, if you do go to uni, or do something like taking a gap year which some people do after school, there will be new experiences, new people and the world opening up a bit.

If you feel that maybe therapy is not helping at the moment, and there isn't anyone in your immediate life you feel you can really talk to, you could try giving Kids Helpline a call on 1800 55 1800. They support young people up to the age of 25. Sometimes just getting another perspective can really help. I have called helplines before and I've found it can be a way to feel more grounded, resourced and supported again, like there is a way forward. You can let them know what you are feeling right now and they may have some helpful strategies and words of encouragement.

I would say just see if you can break things down into steps so it doesn't feel all so overwhelming. Even developing a toolbox of things you can turn to when not feeling great can help. That may look like watching some videos of favourite comedy sketches (it's amazing how much a laugh can ease stress), playing with a pet if you have one or dancing or listening to some favourite music. Sometimes if we can shift how we feel it can shift our mindset and we can feel a bit more at ease with life.

I hope maybe that helps a bit. Feel free if you want to chat more.

Take care,

Eagle Ray