Feel like I was let down by my psychologist

[glowby]

I'm not sure why I'm here and posting this now, it's almost 4 years later... I feel like I was let down by my psychologist, because I really spiralled under her care. I had seen my psychologist for some time back in 2018 as I was suffering chronic fatigue and she helped me work through the depression and stress and anxiety I dealt with in association with the illness I was suffering, work stress and financial stress from going part time. I got myself back to a good place through CBT and her care. But I later got pregnant and then right after the birth of my child I felt my emotions and mental health were extra fragile with all that was going on for me, so I made sure to get my mental health care plan up to date and was seeing my psychologist regularly. Thing is, I actually sank into pretty awful post natal depression, but my psychologist didn't pick it up, my GP did. I still remember the shock on her face the following sessions... She had no idea. I ended up going on antidepressants on advice of my GP, and I can't really explain the dark dark place I sank into, but I am much better now. I just still carry this disappointment that I had been seeing my psychologist as I knew I was more vulnerable, and she still missed it. Not sure if anyone will read this but thanks for listening if so. I think the problem is that she has shaken my trust in psychologists and now and then I find myself slipping a bit and want to see someone but I can't trust anyone. Does that make sense?

[therising]

Hi glowby

With a specialist (in their field), I think 'Based on their experience' can be a significant term. While your case has added to your last psychologist's experience when it comes to clients with PND, of course this didn't help you at the time. A terrible time for you to be going through without the kind of recognition and guidance in lighting the way for you.

Fresh out of uni, a psychologist will have a lot of textbook experience until they come to develop real experience, client by client. Then you could have someone who has been a practicing psychologist for over 30 years who will not have experienced a particular client's challenges even after all their years in practice. They may be inclined to put that client into the 'too hard basket' or 'beyond help' category, as opposed to seeing that case as a next level challenge or one beyond their expertise. I suppose it all depends who we come across.

From my own experience, I'd have to say PND definitely feels like a kind of hell on earth. Take the harsh and brutal dialogue of the depressing inner critic (which can feel deafening) and add to it some serious sleep deprivation, struggles breast feeding, people saying 'You just need to try harder', seeing no other mother struggle the way you do, no insight into what's gong on and a whole stack of other things and it's the perfect recipe for extreme sufferance. Some people (psychologists included) will recognise that recipe or list of ingredients for PND/extreme sufferance and some won't. For me, it was the health centre sister I took my baby to that recognised the signs in me. She insisted I attend PND group therapy sessions. Long story short, those sessions actually took me out of a long term depression of 15 years or so. 

I think the best specialist in their field is basically a great detective. While they may have never come across a particular case before, they'll look for clues and culprits, when it comes to why we're suffering so much. They won't just settle for the usual suspects. With mental factors, they'll look into past experiences, current circumstances, troublesome belief systems, inner dialogue and more. With physical factors, they'll look into chronic fatigue, depressing levels of B12, iron, thyroid deficiency or even sleep apnea and more. Whether they choose to explore the more soulful culprits, such as 'the dark night of the soul' or our ability to feel is another thing. Whether your old psychologist is a far more experienced and open minded detective now, compared to when you last saw her could be something worth considering. Perhaps your case of PND changed/developed/opened her mind and she has come to learn a lot from that since. With specialists, I think there's an inclination to simply hope for the best when it comes to them being able to solve the mystery we're suffering through, as opposed to us interviewing them to see if they're the best man/woman for the job. As the employer of your next psychologist or your old one, perhaps you could consider what questions you'd ask them before you employed them to help and act as a guide for you.❤️

[Eagle Ray]

Hi glowby,

I just wanted to add to the rising’s really helpful response and say that I also had my trust in psychologists damaged after particular therapy experiences. This did lead me to stop seeking help for a period of time. However, when I had further significant difficulties in life I sensed I needed support and persisted until I found a really good psychologist. I’d been researching approaches to trauma and connected with one particular approach, then sought a psychologist who used that approach. Even then, I tried other people using this approach before I settled on the psych I now work with. It has worked out well now but I did have to persevere and really listen in to my intuition as to what felt right. I think feeling safely held in the therapy space with whoever you work with is really important, that they are really present with you and their approach fits with you as a person.

As the rising says, your previous psych may have grown in knowledge and learned from your experience with PND. Or, it may be that another psych would be a better fit for you. I feel it’s important to know that there is a great deal of variation among psychologists so if you try someone new it doesn’t mean it will be a replication of your previous experience. Also, if you try someone new and it doesn’t feel like the right fit you are in no way obligated to continue.

These days many psychologists have a website that talks about their approach and areas of interest/expertise. There will very likely be psychs who specialise in PND and have good insight and understanding in that area. So it may be worth looking for someone who works with PND who will get what you have experienced. I’ve recently been through massive mental health struggles due to hormonal changes in perimenopause and I found a doctor who specialises in women’s hormonal changes. She is outstanding and so much more knowledgeable than other doctors I’ve seen for the same issue. It has made all the difference. So hang in there and know there is likely to be the right support for you but sometimes you just have to quest a bit to find it.

All the best,

Eagle Ray

[BlueLily]

Hi glowby,

So sorry to hear your story and thanks for sharing it.

Rising and Eagle Ray has provided very valuable insight in to psychologists. I wanted to add how I usually come out of such situations where I lose faith in someone.

I usually think, psychologists are human too and they also do mistakes sometimes. Whether it's lack of experience or lack of attention. So simply because one psychologist made a mistake doesn't mean that they are all bad. To avoid this I usually visit multiple psychologists and read on their credentials and experience before settling on one. I've noticed no two psychologists are ever the same. 

So I hope you don't lose faith and instead seek help if you need.

Good luck with your journey to recovery!