Falling.....

[Sarthom]

I can feel myself sliding further into a dark place. I find myself feeling depressed about depression if that is even possible. I'm quite at ease at home where I don't have to be social and put on my face of everything is right with the world. I feel I have nothing to give at the moment and that is frustrating. I'm back to work next week and was hoping to have it all sorted by now. My sleeping pattern is beginning to be effected again. I'm having vivid dreams that wake me at all hours of the night and when I fall back into a sleep It returns. I never get anywhere and feel exhausted by the time morning arrives. 

I hate myself for feeling like this, but I'm having difficulties pulling myself out of it again. I can see it but I can't fix it which is even more frustrating. I feel I have to please everyone and if I don't then I'm letting them all down. I don't seem to have time for myself and when I sit down I'm dwelling on things that make me feel worse about myself. It's such a vicious circle. Is it just me or is this a common feeling others experience also?

[geoff]

dear Sarthom, most of what you have said is associated with the feeling of depression.

We all feel depressed about being depressed, it's just a vicious circle.

By trying to have 'it sorted out by now', doesn't actually happen with this illness, it's not that easy, because there are times when this depression has decided to leave us, and this may sound to be stupid, but one day when we wake up, we feel a bit better, but nothing has changed from us being depressed to feeling any better, or we haven't done anything to improve our mood.

This happened with me 20 or more years of this horrible illness, in and out sessions with my psychologist, different types of antidepressants, a few attempts of suicide, and then one morning I woke up and felt better, why, I don't know, I can't answer this question.

Psychologists may have a scientific conclusion, but do they really know or is it from the Freudian hypothesis, and was he correct all the time, maybe I'm being critical.

I also remember having 12 hours of sleep but when I woke up it felt as though I had had no sleep what's so ever, maybe this could be because our subconscious was working in over drive.

It makes me wonder whether this group of people you associate with and entertain, that some are exactly feeling the same way as you.

We take for granted that none of these people suffer from depression, but in reality I'm sure that there are a couple who are depressed as well, but like you won't want to mention it.

You haven't mentioned about taking any antidepressants, so it would be a good idea to go and see your doctor, who will start the ball rolling. Geoff.