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Eternal

ShresthaR
Community Member
Who am I? What am I? Where am I? I Don't know. I just don't know what my life has come to. I feel so lonely. I don't have any friends nor do I have any enemies. Feel like I'm drowning and I am struggling to breathe but yet I'm still breathing and I'm still living. My mother died when I was 22 months old. An only child. Never knew her my whole life. She gave birth to me and suddenly died. My school years were the worst moments of my life. I got bullied regularly. Kids used to use me as a punching bag. When I joined hostel, bullying become so frequent and unbearable. the teachers even didn't listen to me. I thought once high school was over I would be free but once college started even then it didn't stopped. I even stayed hostel in college as well. but after I finished college life became lonely. I was happy in a way. Solitude was in a sense peaceful. But sometimes loneliness can be too much to handle and your parents start telling you: Do this, Do That, Don't do this, Don't do that. I'm sick and tired of everything that is happening in my life. Work and study is giving all kind of stress and anxiety I don't want. I just don't what I should do anymore.
2 Replies 2

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi ShresthaR

 

You sound like such a beautiful soulful person who's stuck trying to make sense of so much. With so much suffering from such a young age, my heart truly goes out to you while you face this time in your life.

 

I recall what a man once said to me in regard to my own son's suffering with bullying. He said 'Bullies will always go for a lighthouse, a brilliant person'. With my son having just turned 17, over time I've come to understand what this man had meant at the time. With a sensitive person's brilliant ability to sense, bullies will typically gravitate toward those who can sense the pain and sufferance which is dished out to them. They will never go for an insensitive person (one who can't feel). With a gentle kindness that radiates from someone who causes no harm to others, bullies will gravitate toward such a gentle kindness. With someone who thinks so deeply, they will gravitate toward a thinker so this deeply thoughtful person can suffer through their thoughts. It is the brilliant that are tormented so cruelly by those who lack their own brilliance. And while a survivor of bullying/cruelty/abuse advances through and beyond their suffering, they often do so consciously (trying to work themself out through their suffering). Those they leave behind may never develop that same level of consciousness, that same need to know why they tick the way they do. They may remain dysfunctional and abusive for the rest of their life, choosing to label everyone around them as 'weak'. Does the weakness lie with the one who works hard through brutal challenges or the one who refuses to look at the way they behave, in the way they torture others?

 

Who you are is brilliant, who you are is strong, who you are is wonderful (while you now wonder where you need to go from here), who you are is amazing. Have you amazed yourself by how far you've come whilst having had to manage so much for so long? You should be amazed. You are truly brilliant and perhaps exhausted by now.

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear ShresthaR,

We are grateful that you have joined our wonderfully supportive community. Finding the courage to post about your confusion is an excellent step toward finding some clarification.

We understand that you had significant difficulties in being understood whilst in school. Your teachers didn't seem to comprehend how much you were struggling. And, to make things even more difficult, you were physically and emotionally bullied by your peers.

We know that almost all of us occasionally have difficulties socially. Some of us often struggle socially and can't figure out why we seemingly keep getting everything wrong. This is where mental health specialists might be able to help us.

We would like to encourage you to talk openly with your GP briefly about some of these experiences you had whilst growing up. Then, ask your GP about exploring the possibility of a mental health plan so you can meet with a psych who specialises with people who have been through similar experiences.

Whilst waiting for all of this to occur, because it does take time, we would also like to encourage you to ring our Support Service on 1300 22 4636. The professionals can listen to you nonjudgementally, and they may be able to refer you to appropriate services in your local area.

Again, thank you for joining our wonderful community. We are always here for you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.