Down again

[ZoeT_feet]

I have too many problems and I get so down I can’t sleep or do anything constructive. I stay up all night wondering if I should move in with my sister 🧑 or stay close to my daughter. I took my meds late again today. I can’t pay my bills, I have a very obnoxious family member trying to make my life hell and people keep trying to break into my house. 

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for opening up in your post. I'm sorry to hear you have a lot on your plate and I understand it is overwhelming and scary. I wanted to ask if there is any practical steps you are taking right now to manage the parts that you can control? For example, have you gone to the police about people trying to break into your house? While I'm not going to tell you what to do as that is ultimately your decision to make, I will suggest you think about the pros and cons of moving in with your sister and I advise you to set reminders on your phone to remember to take your meds. 

I hope things get a bit lighter for you and please take care of yourself. We're here if you need any more support.

Kind regards,

PsychDiaries

[ZoeT_feet]

😊thank you for your advice. It’s very sound. 

[ZoeT_feet]

Why do I overthink everything in the past!  I feel something is wrong with me. It’s all rolling around in my head. Useless, information of the past. I’m not moving on with the future !  It worries me that I am afraid to move forward!  Does anybody else do this?   

[therising]

Hi ZoeT_feet

I tend to imagine we humans as being multi-faceted creatures. Being so, sometimes it pays to ask the question 'What part of me is leading me to overthink?'. Based on my own experience, I definitely have an inner analyst that leads me to analyse the hell out of just about everything that's challenging me. Once I've been led to make greater sense of things, all's good. 

The stresser in me can also play a role in overthinking, leading me to evaluate what's stressful and what's not/ what I can manage and what I can't, based on referencing past experience. Sometimes my inner manager pops up with a pros and cons list relating to my next move in life. These are just a few facets that come to mind right now. 'How to manage them?' becomes the question. 

Sounds a bit strange but practicing being thoughtless can be key at times. This can help develop the ability to take action without thinking our way out of things or without thinking our way into states of stress. While there are plenty of naturally thoughtless people out there in the world, with a deeply thoughtful and considerate person (who considers so much) it can take practice to become somewhat thoughtless. I should add that we want to be thoughtless in a way that's positive and constructive, a way that serves us and doesn't cause trauma to others. 

It helps to start small, just to establish the practice. For example, next time what comes to mind is 'I should drink a glass of water', just do it. Don't think 'I'll do it in 5 minutes' or 'What else would I like, instead of water?' or 'I can't be bothered', just go get the water without thinking your way out of it. Of course, there are some things we want to be putting thought into and some things that we want to be putting a lot of thought into. Part of the overall practice is about determining what level of thought we need in order to manage. Another thing that can help with overthinking can be distraction, shifting focus. Again it's about what level. A level of distraction that leads to avoidance issues definitely has a down side. 

It's strange when you consider it but we're typically conditioned to be thoughtful. We may have heard from parents, teachers etc 'You need to put more thought into that' or 'Stop being so thoughtless' but we're not typically taught or prompted to think less, in a way that serves us. The need to learn becomes a must, especially when we're suffering through thinking so much. Btw, less thinking can also be good for helping develop intuition (regarding the kind of stuff that naturally comes to mind without thinking). Maybe another area to look at developing in😊.

[MidnightBlue]

Hi ZoeT_feet,

I really relate to this and I hope it brings you even just a little bit of comfort that many people around you are probably doing the same things (you definitely aren't alone!). One thing that someone told me to look into recently is a technique called Defusion which is a part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It's still new to me as well but so far it's given me some power to distance myself from my thoughts and feel a bit more in control of them. I also find a lot of hope in one of my favourite quotes of all time: "I am constantly reminded that my life moves in the direction of my strongest thoughts."

I'm really sorry that it feels so difficult right now. Remember that your thoughts don't have to define you and I hope you find something that makes you feel empowered to move forward. Sharing on the forum was a great start and I hope you come back to share again if you need to.

Take care of yourself

[sbella02]

ZoeT_feet,

Thank you so much for reaching out, and we warmly welcome you to the forums. I relate to this very much, I'm constantly reflecting on things I've said, things I've done, things I could've done better. And sometimes it's those thoughts that keep me moving on with things too.

May I ask, when you say you overthink about the past, what do you mean specifically? Do you find you're thinking about situations and what you would've done differently? Are you more so dwelling on what others have said and what it means?

Sometimes it's comfortable to try and problem-solve, or work out what the "right" thing to do would've been, or to try and find different interpretations for things that have happened to us. That's quite normal. It's like replaying an old tape or video from the past. That's our brain trying to recognise patterns, and misinterpreting old pain as a current threat to our emotional safety. That's why these thoughts are often accompanied by feelings of anxiety too, which it sounds like may be the case for you as well if you find you're worrying a lot. 

It can firstly be good to shift your attention back to the present as much as possible, when you catch yourself thinking about the past (e.g., "what if" or "I should've"). Some grounding exercises can help with this - squared breathing (breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 4, breathing out for 4, holding for 4, repeat), or thinking of five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste can be good places to start.

I also enjoy journalling, which can help to stop those thoughts from rolling around inside your head by transferring them to a page instead. 

One thing I've also learnt recently that has been a pretty helpful idea is scheduling some "worry time", which can be something like 10 minutes of time that you dedicate specifically for worrying about things, to get it all out. Any time you have a worried thought about the past during the day, you can remind yourself to save it for your "worry time" instead. 

I hope this helps a little, please also feel free to keep chatting with us, we're here to listen. 

Take care, SB

[Listening_ears]

I'm a very practical person and I've shared this method with many clients and friends and families. They like it. 

When you catch yourself thinking about the past, imagine yourself catching it with your hands. 

Imagine the thought as a fly and it's making a lot of noise. Use both your hands to catch it. It's a bit like catching a fly in front of your face. 

I wish I had a video to show you. Try it for 10 times and let me know. 

[ZoeT_feet]

My family doesn’t really care about me anymore.  My mother and father have both passed. My father used me as a scapegoat then my older brother and sister followed suit. 
The sister I get along with usually seemed so cold today.  I feel terribly lost and hurt. 
I had thought I would live with my sister but I’m rethinking that now. I’m a bit lost. 
My daughter still wants me to treat her like a child even though she’s nearly 32.  If I am going through anything she says ‘ you’re the mother!’  It’s not supportive.