Don’t know what to do 😔

[Kel93]

Hi everyone, I’m a 25 year old with 2 children an d currently suffereing postnatal depression (being treated for) my parter is 26 and about 2 weeks ago told me he no longer thinks he loves me or wants to be with me anymore and was going to leave(he ended up staying) he went to see a doctor who said he had depression and put him on medication since taking them he has been emotionless, unhappy, grumpy and not wanting to do anything. He was also having dreams of violence and harming/killing me which then turned into dreams of him cheating on me with multiple women, he is saying he wants to get the ‘spark’ and in love feeling back in our relationship but we are unsure how to do this but he also changes his mind everyday on things he wants and is saying he doesn’t even know what he wants with anything. Has anyone else experienced that same thing? What was your outcome?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Kel,

I hope it’s okay for me to extend a compassionate and gentle welcome to you to the forums...

Sorry, I don’t have any children, and I haven’t been in a similar situation. So I’m not sure if I would be the most helpful or suitable person to reply but I wanted to give it a go anyway. I hope that’s okay with you....

I feel things sound somewhat uncertain and confusing with your partner at the moment. I think it would have really hurt when he said that he no longer loves you. That must have been heartbreaking to hear...even if he ended up staying, I feel that would still really, really hurt...

It must be hard when he changes his mind so often. I must admit I’m concerned about some of his violent dreams towards you. That said, I understand those dreams are okay as long as he doesn’t start acting out those dreams. Sorry, I hope me saying that doesn’t upset or offend you...I just want you to be safe, that’s all...

I’m glad he has seen a doctor but I’m wondering if he’s also seeing someone for counselling e.g. a psychologist or counsellor. I feel maybe he would benefit from talking to someone so perhaps you might like to discuss this with him. It’s only a gentle suggestion from me...

I think it’s good that you’re receiving treatment for your postnatal depression too...

You’re clearly very thoughtful and caring as I noticed you mentioned a lot of what your partner wants out of your relationship but I’m wondering what about you? I feel your needs, wants and desires are important too...what do you want from this relationship, for example?

There’s no pressure or great rush but you’re always most welcome to write here. Some people find it helpful to share their thoughts and/or vent as it can be very cathartic. If you feel comfortable writing more, it would be really nice to hear from you again. ..

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Kel93]

Hi pepper thankyou so much for your reply and concerns, my partner has never been the violent type and there was no sign of this even happening.

I love him with all my heart and want this to work out but have no idea on where to start I’m just feeling so lost myself pretty sure I’ve cried everyday since he said it

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Kel,

It’s lovely to hear from you again. I’m glad your partner isn’t violent. That’s wonderful to hear 🙂

He clearly means the world to you. I feel your love for him runs deep. So his words must have really, really stung...it’s not something stays with you...

Although I feel one plus is you both seem to be on the same page in wanting to make this relationship work. I don’t know if this would suit you or not but I’m wondering how you would feel about perhaps couples therapy. Just a gentle suggestion from me...

Or perhaps you might like to consider giving the family relationship advice line a call. It’s a national helpline and calls are confidential, and it’s endorsed by the Australian government.

If you’re interested, you can look up them up online. But no pressure, just if you feel comfortable doing so...

kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper