Don't know myself anymore

[Musicalchef]

Hi thanks for reading

I feel like I've completely lost touch with myself over the span of the last few years

I'm 29 years old and I'm getting married very soon I feel like I should be happy and excited but I feel nothing.

The last 2 years of my life I've made major leaps in my career leading myself into multiple promotions but I still feel nothing my partner is very supportive of everything I do and I would do anything for her aswell but I feel asif everything I do is for someone else and not for myself

We've spent the good part of the last 2 years saving all of our money and all of our spare time into planning our wedding but Instead of being excited I just have this feeling of I can't wait for it to be over. Work had always been my escape as it allows me to focus on something else instead of whatever else is going on but recently I've had an injury at work putting me on light duties leaving me feeling useless at work and feeling as I've let down my colleagues. I've lost interest in all my hobbies. The one thing I was really enjoying was work has been taking away from me leaving me feeling like I have nothing to look forward too.

Can anyone give me some advice on how I can get back in touch with myself? I want to enjoy the things I used to love and I want to be there for my loving partner but at the moment I just feel numb.

[james1]

Hi musicalchef,

Thanks for posting. It's nice to meet you here. I'm really sorry to hear you feel like you've completely lost touch with yourself. It sounds like a lot of the positive emotions have disappeared and you feel really numb. 

Do you mind if I ask whether you've spoken to anyone about this, whether a friend, family, or even a health professional, or if you have any thoughts about why you are feeling this way?

I suppose there are lots of bits of advice and things we can talk about, but it would be great to hear more about where you're at, and if you've already thought about or been given advice from others.

James

[tranzcrybe]

Keeping to the culinary theme, you seem to have been swept away with preparing the banquet and lost the appetite to partake of it.
I find that the more demanding the meal, my thoughts turn to ensuring only that it is a success for others' enjoyment.
With all the groundwork prepared, it may be time to step back and admire the reason you embarked on this in the first place - whether a royal feast or KFC won't make a jot of difference to what is important.
In a way, you are shedding a version of yourself to accommodate a new definition of life as a couple and that can start the self doubt and questioning. There will be things to share, give up, and experience together - uncertain, but exciting to consider where life will take you.
Relax if you can and let things unfold naturally. Keeping your hands too tightly on the spoon won't necessarily make you a better cook.

[therising]

Hi Musicalchef

While you continue to develop new facets of yourself, I really do feel so much for you as you face some possible exhaustion (working so hard) on top of such deep self questioning.

I think sometimes we can face a kind of twofold problem with self development. While we can working hard to develop the family man or woman in us or the ambitious confident aspect that looks for a ladder to climb at work or the opportunist that looks for ways to make money toward a dream home, some of the rest of who we are can be forgotten about. There may not be a lot of time devoted to 'the adventurer' in us (adding fun ventures to life), 'the peace seeker' that looks for new ways to develop a sense of peace amidst new stressors, 'the wonderer' that can thrive on wondering about the simple things in life. To simplify, if there are 100 different facets that come to make up who we are as a whole and if the focus in only on 5, then 95 facets of our self may feel lost through lack of attention. I've found that kind of loss is something that can be felt at times. If the clown in us is neglected and lost amidst the hard work, the question can be 'What happened to my fun loving self?'. The 100 facets to us will still be there but under exercised or not yet developed. Some come to life through a trigger, such as the dad in you coming to life when your first child is born. With the long lost parts, the question can be 'How do I bring those parts of me back to life?'. Can be a tricky one at times. While the adventurer in us may have settled for some basic sense of adventure in the past, now it may be screaming 'Let's strap on a parachute and jump out of a plane!'. It may only come back to life through pure adrenaline.

I think the parts we miss the most are those facets in us that scream the loudest for attention. 'I am going to bring a part of me back to life' (aka 'self development') demands that we be self serving at times. Self service, if done carefully and consciously, is good for the mind, body and especially the soul.