Doing positive things in my life just isnt working

[dwade3]

Hi , i was feeling pretty positive about my life for the last few months , getting back into sports, hanging out with friends instead of self-isolating and even going on a few dates. But it doesnt quite feel like any of that matters. it almost feels as if everything im doing is monotonous, low stakes and just unexciting.  idk if its because im experiencing another episode of deep depression or feelings of worthlessness, but i just cant help but say to myself- "Im just not happy", as cringe as that might sound.

worst of all, i have feelings of longing to be apart of something matters in some way because i dont think i matter myself. So these deep feelings just sap my energy and enthusiasm to take risks or do something positive with my life.  I dont quite know what to do. This is has all become like a routine loop for me, and id like some advice or help on the matter. Because im just tired of my depression and issues just dictating my life, where i watch time sprint and the whole world go by while i just waste away.

[Croix]

Dear Dwade3~

I've read your other posts and think maybe you have the cart before the horse. An very unhappy life with feelings you don't matter, the attempt to distance your self from people , lack of energy and enthusiasm and feeling the worst is going to happen are all things I've felt.

However those thoughts were not actually my own (though I thought they were) , but the result of depression's influence.  I felt all was hopeless and any temporary improvment was bound to fail.

There was no way I could improve things by myself, as time went on it tended to get worse until I was having suicidal thoughts very day. Eventually it got so bad out of desperation I told another and then ended up seeing a doctor who diagnosed me wiht depression and sent me off to get treatment. I'd no idea it had been depression driving me, I just thought it was a description for how I felt.

Over time it has made a huge difference and now I'm happy -and not uncomfortable with the fact. I formed a permanent relationship and do worthwhile things (such as posting in this Forum).

So my I suggest as Ranga1 did that you do seek medical hesitance. If it could help me, and I was a total mess, then in all probability it can help you too.

If you would like to let me know what you think about this that would be great

Croix