My brother

[Anonomys1]

My older brother is quite depressed. He is in his last year in high school, and got a bad test result. He is not himself and my mum is also quite sad. I don’t know how to talk to him and I’m worried about him. It’s hard for me to reach out to him because I have sport every day that finishes late, and my dad travels a lot. I want my family to just be happy. Thank you

[Croix]

Dear Anomomys1~

Welcome here to the Forum, a god place to come to see how others have handled similar situations.

I guess hte answer to your question depends upon your brother's state. If he is upset and downhearted because of a bad result then have a talk with him to see if he knows the reason why he did not do as well as he would have liked..

You can perhaps assist him by showing there are opportunities to make up his overall score, maybe via more practice, a study group or even seeing if any help is available from one of his teachers.

The trick is for him not to become so frightened of trying again  and getting another bad mark that he gives up. If he has done well, or even just OK in the past  that can be used as a confidence builder.

The other answer does depend on how your brother has been feeling over a longer time. If this has become part of his life then I'd suggest the best thing you can do for him is to see him get outside assistance, maybe starting with a school councilor or his GP 

Do you think he'd go for that ?

If he would prefer something less face to face I'd suggest the Kid's Help Line, which runs 24/7, has a lot of information on depression and anxiety and other topics in younger peole and can be contacted by phone or web-chat. They are very knowledgeable and easy to talk with . They may even be able to hep with study.

While your brother is lucky to have you caring and feeling for him the whole weight should not just fall on your shoulders, one reason I suggested a counselor or the Kid's Help Line. While you may still worry some of the pressure will be shared, and not just all on you

If you felt like it I would like to know how you and your brother get on

Croix

[across_the_universe]

Hi mate,

It sounds like you are super caring and really looking out for everyone in your family - a big responsibility for a young person! You've mentioned that mum seems sad and that dad is pretty busy, I'm wondering if you feel like you have to somehow 'keep everything together'? It can be a pretty common experience for young people when family members are struggling.

As a mum of teenagers, I need you to know that you do not need to fix any of this. You can tell your family members that you see they are not doing so well, and that you love them, but don't feel like you are responsible for fixing it. 

Instead:

For your brother- it's important that you let your parents know you are worried about him. They can then take necessary steps for his mental health care. As for your responsibility- one of the best things you can do, is be a sibling to him. Ask him to join you for an hour playing a board game, xbox, kicking the soccer ball or whatever you can bond over. Time out, just being silly together, laughing at old memories or jokes, will be good for both of you. And it helps to build a life-long bond where you know you can rely on each other for comfort during tough times- something we all need.

For your mum who is sad- be her child. Tell her you love her, make her a cuppa and offer to help with the dishes. Maybe pick some flowers from the garden (trust me, we love that). If she seems to be sad for a couple weeks or more, maybe talk to an adult family member or friend and tell them you are worried about her mood.

It's really lovely that you care so much about your family. Feeling like you need to support everyone is full on at any age, but as a young person it can be super overwhelming! So don't let your brain trick you into thinking you are responsible to fix things. 

Best of luck!

Steph