Diagnosed with Bowel Cancer

lilly2016 · ‎17-09-2020

Hi, I haven't been here for a while, I used to be part of the forums struggling with Depression and anxiety, well I'm back. I am terrified of my latest diagnosis of a large cancerous tumor in my bowel which needs to be removed in the next few weeks after delays due to just how busy the hospitals are. I'm scared, I'm anxious, I'm sad, I can't think straight, I'm in pain at times but have strong medication. I have addictions I need to stop pretty much asap! I pray, I cry, I shake and deeply hurt by hurting others by my diagnosis. I think of chemo all the time, the operation, my life. I'm not coping. I haven't told my father and don't know how to, his old and already lost his wife his brother, 2 sons and grandson in the past ten years. I know you can't do anything about any of this but if just one person could pray for me I would be grateful. I'm sad by what this virus has done to the world, the heartache it has caused for so many people, the personal stories I hear, the depression lockdown is causing. I try make the most of the times I feel okay, both physically and mentally but I just fall to pieces sometimes. I'm trying to be strong and pray the lord will give me the strength I need. I'm not brave, nor do I think I deserve the love I get sometimes for some reason, but please look after each other and help each other, please do something kind for someone because it makes so much of a difference in someone's life. We are all in this together. Thank you for listening. Xxx

lilly2016 · ‎04-10-2020

Thank you Grandy.

Ggrand · ‎07-10-2020

Hello lovely lilly.....🤗..

You are probably asleep as it is late...

I just wanted to call in and say hello to you and to check in to see how your doing...been thinking about you...

My kind thoughts and care..

Grandy..

lilly2016 · ‎08-10-2020

Hello Grandy,

Thank you for thinking of me 🤗🤗🤗 I'm feeling like today may be a better day for me, I'm nervous though I have surgery on the 12th which is Monday and will be in hospital for a week, or more depending. I'm trying. I don't know what is going to happen until the day, so it's the unknown that's really getting to me. I'll deal with the physical pain but the mental pain is insane! These breakdowns I'm having, I'm sure it's sucking my energy out and making me foggy. I'm not gaining the weight I wanted so there a quite a few setbacks to say the least which is worrisome. I know what it's like to be on the other side and not knowing what to say, so when friends and family stop talking, now I understand. The sun still shines today and I can hear all the tiny birds singing in the distance, there is alot of life around me, It's a nice moment in time, listening to the sounds of nature. I can still hear all the traffic in the background but I'm not focusing on that right now. I hope you have a good day today, thanks again for thinking of me. 🌹

lilly2016 · ‎08-10-2020

Dear Grandy,

I just wanted you to know that you are a very special person, not everyone has the time to acknowledge someone else's pain, or the heart for that matter, it takes a very special person like you to take an interest in someone else's problems/pain/situation. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

Ggrand · ‎08-10-2020

Dear lilly,

Thank you for your kind words...You have made me blush☺️..

I could imagine how nervous you are..It’s okay to be nervous and scared about having an operation...It’s the unknown that is frightening...My daughter in law had last Christmas an operation to remove a cancerous tumour from her brain..They removed around 95% of it..then followed up with radiation and chemo...She is now in remission...

Lilly...while your in the hospital and if you keep breaking down, or even if you just need to talk to someone about your fears...maybe ask to speak to a mental health worker to help you deal with all you’re going through..which is a lot...you have touched my heart lovely lilly...you have a beautiful caring soul...

Talk here if ever you need to..we are here for you..always..

Monday isn’t far away lovely lady..I wish I could be their in real life to hold your hand and be there for you...My spirit and prayers will be with you on Monday and alway..

My kindest thoughts, with my love , care and a gentle hugs..I think you are a very special person as well lovely lilly..

Grandy...🦋🕊🌱🌹

lilly2016 · ‎08-10-2020

Thanks Grandy and that's good news about your daughter in law, I mean the fact she's in remission. I think anyone with Cancer comes out the other side a different person. I thank you so much for your best wishes. 🤗🤗🤗

lilly2016 · ‎10-10-2020

Hello,

I seem to be experiencing massive anxiety regarding major surgery due Monday, it's really knocking me about, I feel like someone has pushed me down a flight of stairs and I can't seem to focus on anything. I'm deeply concerned about my well being but must say, whatever happens, happens. 🌹🌹

Ggrand · ‎10-10-2020

Hello Dear lilly,

Awe lilly, I wish I had magic words to help you with your anxiety about your major surgery on Monday...I wish I could give you a comforting and reassuring hug..

This is hard to do, but please try to put all your faith and belief into the surgery team...I know that they will do the very best for you with care and prayers...

A few post ago you said that you were sitting in the sun, listening to the tiny birds singing...I do that every morning and afternoon....I am lucky yo live in the central west of NSW..directly across the road from my front veranda is a paddock, that has cows grazing it...The land many acres is covered by thousands beautiful purple flowers...it looks like acres of lavender...but it’s a weed called Patterson’s Curse...I think it’s a beautiful flower..the only difference between the beautiful flowers of a weed and a cultivated flowers is judgement....There is a large Eucalyptus Gum tree at the front of the property that houses many birds, I’ve even seen a lizard scurrying up the trunk of the tree...Nature is beautiful and healing as you discovered when sitting in the sunshine the other day...I wish I could bring to you the peace you found when you were sitting in that tiny moment of time...and let it remain with you for ever....

My post is one of how practicing being in the moment outside in the sunshine is very helpful for high anxiety...It would be so lovely if we could sit together and soak in the soul healing of Mother Nature..

I too am concerned about you and often think about you because sometimes people just touch your heart in a most beautiful way..like you have to you...I believe in God and have been praying daily for your surgery to be successful...

I am always here for you dear lilly..in good times and hard times...Holding your hand with so much care..sending you positive vibes, and some warm hugs..

Talk here lovely lilly whenever you feel you need to or want to,,,,We are all sitting next you..

My kindest wishes with care and prayers...

Grandy..

lilly2016 · ‎10-10-2020

Thankyou Grandy,

I wish you were here too. I will try stay calm as I can but it's difficult as I'm feeling nauseated due to stress. I probably sound so weak but unfortunately it is what it is. Thank you for being there for me and listening and sending your love and prayers. I will write back as soon as I am able for an update. Thanks again. 🌹🌹🌹

DeepBlue1771 · ‎11-10-2020

Hi Lilly, sorry I didn't see your response to my message until now, I don't login to this site all that often. I'm no more brave than you, in fact I'm the biggest coward when it comes to my health being threatened. But you'd be surprised just how much courage you actually have inside you, it's there. You're only given what you can handle in life, so you can handle this, trust me. The problem is, the word 'cancer' is this big scary word that has a whole bunch of fear associated with it, but try not to buy into that word. All that's happening is you have a condition in your body that needs to be dealt with, and it will be dealt with. Bowel tumours are more often than not very curable, I'm proof of that.