Desperate to get off the hamster wheel

Christa1 · ‎02-05-2019

Hi, I am new here. I have lived with depression for decades and have been on medication for the past 15 years. I work in the health industry and have worked in the mental health sector in the past. I am reaching out because I feel I have run out of options. Every single aspect of my life is problematic. My financial situation is stressful, my current work is monotonous, my teen child needs me to be strong as he has both physical & mental health issues, I have no interest in socialising, my partner doesn't understand and isn't really supportive; he also doesn't lift a finger around the house, I am constantly tired. I feel that I need everything to stop so I can just rest. I have had ad hoc time off work this year (and I only work part time) and if I keep it up I won't have a job to go back to. I feel chained to my desk and computer and I clock watch all day until I can get out of that office. To add insult to injury, the commute is over an hour each way. Work will be relocating very soon so that commute will increase to 2 hours each way. Boss is a true workaholic and does not take kindly to people having time off. I have had debt since splitting from my husband almost a decade ago and I need to work to pay it off. I have actually decided to sell my home in order to clear all my debt because I can no longer manage the stress of it. I have applied for a few jobs but have found that I am overlooked these days due to my age, despite the fact I am more than qualified. Truth is, I need time out from work. I have worked in the health sector for more than 30 years and I am completely & utterly worn out. I can't manage any of this anymore but can't afford time out. I don't know what to do. I have seen numerous psychologists in the past but nothing is actually helping me to cope day to day. I have lived with so much stress for so many years but I now feel like I am really buckling under the weight of it all.

Christa1 · ‎07-05-2019

Thank you MM. I welcome you taking the time to 'chime in', thank you.

I do de-stress. I usually have one day a week to myself in silence. I like to read as well and am currently knitting, which does ground me (must be the repetitive action). I like swimming but baulk at being seen in a cossie these days.

Thank you for your words of advice, MM. I hope you are well?

Regards,

Christa

monkey_magic · ‎08-05-2019

Hi Christa,

Thanks for hoping that I'm well. Yes, the dreaded cossy. I'm a larger person but do it anyway lol.

It's really good that you take time out for yourself too and ground yourself.

Life is very busy for a lot of people. I've been forced to slow down due to pain in my feet and a back injury.

And I moved back in with mum ( I'm 36 ) for an easier lifestyle. I don't pay rent just help out with bills. Family have been my saving grace.

Hope your day isn't too hard today.

All the best,

MMx

Christa1 · ‎08-05-2019

Thanks MM.

I'm glad you're well.

Thank heavens for family, hey? My mum is my only real support as she is the only one I feel comfortable talking with about what goes on for me & I don't even tell her how low my lows get. She lives on the other side of the country though.

I'm sorry to hear you have pain. It can be a real drag. I am almost 20 years older than you & due to being on my feet in the health system since the year you were born as well as steadily gaining weight over recent years, my knees & ankles are sore and swollen by the end of the day. My ankle tendons are damaged. My current job is pretty much desk bound though, so I can manage.

I'm glad things are easier for you living with your mum and that you have the family support you need.

Take care,

Christa

geoff · ‎09-05-2019

Hi Christa and MM, I'm sorry for the both of you, isn't getting old something we never expected to happen, we always thought that everything would be OK, only old people get old, not us.

It just happens overnight.

Take care.

Geoff.

monkey_magic · ‎10-05-2019

Yup,

When we are young we just can't picture ourselves old then I guess it just happens almost overnight. One of life's progressions. I hope it isn't too hard on you Geoff.

Christa1 · ‎10-05-2019

You're right, Geoff. Happens sooner than expected. I think physical ageing sux.

Christa

geoff · ‎11-05-2019

Hi MM and Christa, you tell young folk to do whatever they can while they're young and fit because one day they will wake up facing the fact that they've suddenly got old.

They don't believe us, no different to how we felt we were young and when our g/mother used to say 'oh my hip is so sore I can't bend down to pick the newspaper up I've just dropped', we always thought it can't happen to me, I'm fit and strong.

We are dealt with by a hand of cards, we aren't sure what lies under them, whether we'll get a royal flush, a good life, or a bad hand of cards, a not so good life.

Best wishes.

Geoff.