Hi nadstar,
I am really sorry to hear about what you are experiencing.
From what you've described, it sounds like some days you feel that you can function and work, but that other days depression becomes overwhelming and it becomes difficult to cope. This does not make you weak and is not something that you need to feel guilt over. Sleeping for 18 hours at a time is likely a sign that something is not right and it sounds like you have recognised that you are struggling to cope. As you mentioned, depression can really weigh you down in a way that becomes so exhausting to push through, especially on your own. You do not have to work through alone. Talking to someone you trust, whether that is someone close to you or your GP, is an important step and may help you to find the support that you need to reduce the intensity of the depression on those days where it gets all-consuming. Please know you do not need to feel guilt or shame for struggling with your mental health - you are not to blame.
You need to be kind to yourself, you need to give yourself the space and time to focus on getting through this dark period, whatever that looks like for you. Please do not hesitate to talk more if and when you feel up to it - this is a non-judgmental place and we are here to listen if and when you feel up to sharing. Take care.
