Depression- our ultimate goal.

[white knight]

We have quite a large community here. So many people suffering depression. Most have several symptoms in common, lack of motivation, worthlessness, sleep and more sleep, moodiness and the list - well I've only scratched the surface.

Sadly (and I wont ignore it) many mentioning they want to give up on life. And of course, that there is nothing left that  stimulates them. Yet, this is so totally wrong. We know in our hearts and logic that there are things you can do in life that will leave you breathless with excitement, place a smile on your face for days with you ringing all your friends to tell them and some experiences that will be lifelong memories. Yet for the deeply depressed this sadly is all irrelevant. Either their depression is so deep they dont want to even entertain the ideas or physically they are drained by meds.

What I want from this thread is for you to dream, to open up your cloudy mind to what is possible when you are in the depths of sleep or despair. As you lie there in bed have simply thoughts, simply plans to chase those experiences when your cycle has run its cruel course. 

So you wait till then. And a day comes when you are feeling not bad. you look at your partner and tell them to find the nearest hot air ballooning business "we are gunna fly".  Or hire a speed boat, light aircraft or helicopter flight, lunch at a revolving restaurant anything for that "buzz". Totally out of your comfort zone? you bet ya.

On the wrong tram? tell me, criticise me, suggest anything, talk, say it, I dont care, I am willing to take anything on the chin with this. Frankly, I will do anything to make progress with one person and I hope that person is you. Why?

Because yes, I've been there, I've come out the other side and managed my depression to a more stable level but I never forget those times and I will fight like hell to never return there. I want you, the reader to do the same, to travel on the same journey I've endured, to hold the hands of your family and run with them ....into the sunlight as one, laughing and loving.

You will not give up hope. You will wait for that day of calm and end of cycle peace to arrive and you will show that black dog where to go. And your partner/children/family members will look at you in awe, because you would have done activity that is not parallel to the symptoms of your illness. You will do it because you can, you will never give up. Your kids will love you for trying.

You will fight like you've never fought before.

[Little_Rascal]

so strange how much I relate to you AOK .

I hate people saying "you've changed" I ended a friendship over her constantly reminding me of this. we all change anyway, if we didn't we would be pretty boring cave people. I worry I wont be the same... but I don't want to be, with the bipolar 2 and bpd I'm moody snappy aggressive and erratic, then very withdrawn on the low times.  my old house mate had two nick names for me ... cas hulk and cas weeeee she made me a cheese toasties or gave me wine and stayed the hell away from me when she could tell I was cas hulk and  she would call me cas wee when we would cuddle and giggle and cook dinner together.

The you on the other side will have better coping mechanisms.  Now I have RHCP otherside stuck in my head

[HA1]

MG

Thanks for your post.  I am very happy that you enjoy the life and the new you that you found on the otherside.  I guess it will be strange for me to come out there as a person that is different to what I am used to.  Most of those that know me (acquaintances rather than 'friends'), would think that there was definitely something wrong with me if all of a sudden I was relaxed, happy and sociable! (LOL) - and the devil in me is now actually looking forward to watching the confusion in faces.  Thank you MG.

Take care

K

[HA1]

Hi Little Rascal

Thanks for sharing - I'm kind of glad that there is someone who can relate. I was feeling a little melancholic and philosophical when I made that post to WK.  I guess I want at least a few years of being someone other than me - but, still, the thought of being so is a little creepy (to me).  

RHCP 'Otherside' stuck in your head!   Hmm, sad story I don't think it is recommended for us 🙂

Take care

K

[ontarioguy35]

Thanks Joya,
In my experience, I've found it can be as tricky as anything else (smoking for example).  I find I manage it the best when I'm constantly aware of it's lingering presence, however, as soon as I allow myself to think that I'm in the clear, that's when I seem to start to fall back into negative habits and thinking (funks).  Managing depression for me is a very sensitive balance 🙂

WK - That's awesome that you've completed your novel "Black Clouds Dancing".  I'd love to read it.  I find I get the most strength from hearing/reading the rawness of this illness from others who have/are experiencing it.  When I was younger, the only books I could find on depression/anxiety were mainly self-help books that read like text books.  What I was looking for was just pure honest revelations from people who struggle with it.  I felt alone and these testimonies would have mitigated this feeling of aloneness.  Will you please let me know if you decide to publish it?  I'd love to read it.  The editing/revision stage is by far the most difficult and painfully slow part in the process.  Please keep-up with it!  🙂

To everyone else on this thread.  Thanks for the honesty and the window into each and everyone of your lives.  I'm very thankful that I've found this site.  There is a lot of great sharing and encouragement going on.  It's wonderful to see 🙂

[Little_Rascal]

Not creepy.  

 I did  a few units at uni of metaphysics philosophy, was pretty inyenset 🙂 

There is never a bad time for the chilies, maybe factory of faith by RHCP is better? I always start my house work with this and end my work out with it 🙂 

[geoff]

dear Tony, another great post to stimulate our minds, but what you have said could only be written by someone who has travelled the hard yards and come out the other end once scathed and injured, but learnt a hell of a lot, changed direction because that's exactly what happens, it has to, or perhaps it occurs naturally, and I am no different.

Even though my new life suits me contrary to what others think and keep telling me to not do this or do that, because I don't fit into the norm, and here I'm mostly talking about my daily hours of when the 'proper' time should be to go bed and then get up, and that it's strange that I live the hours I do, but is there ever going to be the proper time to go to bed, well no, so I say to them why do you stay up so late, and why is 10pm the ideal time, and who says so.

I have to admit that when I was depressed there was nothing that I wanted to do, however there were times when I was dragged away to go somewhere where I did have fun when I was there, but didn't have any thought of doing it myself, maybe lack of courage.

I too wish and hope that I never have to go back to where I once was, and even by having relapses I don't consider this to be back into depression, because I know that within a day or so I will be to being 'normal' if there is such a word that exists.

Everybody who has overcome this illness generally finds a new life, because that's what happens. Geoff.

[HA1]

Hey Little Rascal

Metaphysics; I am sure that it would have been an interesting area of study, would certainly be for me - as it is kind of relevant (now that you have mentioned it).  Might look into that ...  But yeah, I'm sure it would do my brain in too, ha!

Factory of faith is better! But for house cleaning???

take care

k

[Little_Rascal]

YES and the gym, makes me smile and I instantly feel better 🙂 

It's a mind boggling subject, the first class asked the question what is a chair, can the table be a chair? And a rocky stream is not a rocky stream with out either the stream or tge rocks, one defines the other.  So fascinating ! Descarts metaphysics is intense! Read away 🙂 

Hope everyone is doing okay! I had a panic attack while getting a massage bahh so silly!!! Haha

[HA1]

"One defines the other"

So obvious without being so.  

Over the years I have been defined by my thoughts, feelings and behaviours. So if these change then who am I ?  Interesting ... 

[Little_Rascal]

Your core values  and traits, I don't think, ever change. 🙂  my mum said you are finally your self again. Don't let your illness consume you, a strong current can wash away the rocks.