Hi,
It’s not typical of me to express my feeling as I usually find it intimidating to do so. However, I have been suffering from a lot of depression and old self hatred from my head. I wish I didn’t exist in this world. I have been seeing a psychologist, but obviously didn’t help much at all.
As a mother, I never set up a good model to my children. Apart from feeding them, I don’t do any extras. No school follow up and not much bonding etc. I fee so shameful.
As a wife, I look so ugly and I don’t do make up. At time, I wonder why my husband still stays with me. He can easily find somebody else who is more attractive and more capable. He would deserve more than this... I am just so useless.
At work, apart from having a postgraduate qualification entry ticket, I only work as a clerk, you can see how low my self esteem is. And you can see how much time and money I have wasted to invest in study. I don’t get high pay and don’t earn any respect from others. Why can’t I climb up to the ladder a bit higher to use my skills etc? A Simple answer is that I am worthless!!!
I always believe that I have some sorts of mental problems apart from depression since in my teen. My Psychologist and GP just don’t have the patience to listen to me or diagnose me! This vicious cycle goes over and over again forever.. now I don’t know what to do to regain my self-confidence. I just want to write it down here to release my painful self hatred.
