Depression from unexpected broke up and relationship issues

[Chermimi]

Hi everyone, I am currently experiencing huge relationship issues with my boyfriend. Both of us tried to broke up with each other many times due to unsolvable family issue in the past couple months but all failed. We used to have so many beautiful memories/times together. I could still remember the time we were holding our hands and keeps kissing each other everywhere we go. However after so many on and off in this relationship, I can no longer feel any joy and happiness between us, however every break up makes me extremally painful, there are many times I want to finish my life, but I still don't have enough nerve to do so. Now, I found myself extremely depressed and feeling very uncomfortable both mentally & physically. I do not want to share all of this with my friends and family because I don't want people to worry and don't wanna answer any follow-up questions.

[Here_I_am]

Hi Chermimi,

It sounds like a very painful place to be in. Relationships are complex matters, and when they are not going well they appear to break down in super slow motion - the pain and the stress and the hurt is prolonged over days and weeks (even months), and it can be worse than having other sorts of trauma such as falling down stairs or spraining our ankle.

You mention you don't want to talk to family or friends about what's going on for you, but I want to encourage you to give some thought to talking to someone about these things. There are many services that exist to help where you will be treated with dignity and respect - even anonymously if you desire. Do you think you could reach out to your local Relationships Australia office, or a general counselling service in your area to start the process of unraveling some of these hurts you've described?

I think you've already identified a truth in your post that is inevitable. Breakups and conflicts in relationships are painful - there is no avoiding this. Perhaps the work is in the reparation of the relationship; either fixing what has gone wrong, or properly resolving it so the ongoing hurt of stop/start isn't so constant for you?

[VWGolf]

Hi Chermimi,

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Chermimi, I also struggle with relationship break ups regardless of who made the decision. I am new here but I sincerely wanted to reinforce what `Here I am' advised and encourage you to contact Relationships Australia. They are incredible. I have accessed their services throughout my life since my twenties. I have learnt so much and found it a part of my week that I looked forward to during those emotional times. Well done on reaching out and I hope you keep moving forward and call them.

[MyLadyGirl]

Chermimi:
I am happy that you have reached out BB for your advice and support.
Having a relationship that holds good and wonderful memories are always difficult to hold on. We want to be with that person because of the memories not for the happiness of the relationship. If the relationship has doubts then it is unhealthy to both of you. We have partners, boyfriends and relationship to learn the meaning of a relationship. Learned what we can do and what we can’t do. It’s the phase of what we need to go through. Depression and anxiety develop is because letting go it’s so difficult because of the great memories. I have 10 years relationship with my first lover. Even though it was hard to let go the great memories that we share, I go to because it was drowning me. It was hard for me to let go but because there were not direction and it was not end, we ended. As pain as it was but is was the better. Keep the memories but you.