Hi Merkles,
It sounds like you're in a terribly disabling place at the moment, and have perhaps been there for some time.
Loneliness is indeed a huge factor in today's very different social climate. As much as I'd love to be able to rattle of the simple solution, it's just not that easy I'm afraid. One thing I will offer on the subject is that loneliness is subjective; the same factors that make one person feel lonely or alone equate to solitude and serenity to another. When we can bridge that gap between our overall sense of wellbeing and place in the world and our fear of loneliness, we can start to view our loneliness as less of a negative. We cope with it better.
I'm 43 now, and used to be a very social person with a lot of friends and acquaintances. Now, outside of my immediate family, I have maybe two people I could call on if I needed to talk - and that's a big maybe as I've never tested the waters there. The concept of loneliness comes and goes for me, and it often depends on how I feel in other areas of my life. I wonder if you were to explore with your GP the option of medication if these senses of wellbeing might mitigate the overwhelming sense of loneliness?
Another thing I will state regarding cannabis use. It simply will not help with any depression or anxiety. Cannabis use will inevitably make worse any symptoms you're experiencing. If you do go back onto medication, it would be really important that you tell your GP that you've been smoking cannabis also.
