Depression and romantic relationships?

[ghostpersonanon]

Hi everyone,

I am a person struggling with depression. I have had it for almost a year and lost many close relationships because of it. Ironically, I am in a very serious romantic relationship. It seems even though the relationship is very healthy, I still struggle with trust and my own insecurities -that gets in the way.

I am afraid of being alone, and I don't want to lose this close relationship that I have, especially since I have lost a lot of close friends. I am not sure if I should maintain it, or if it is healthy to leave the relationship and get better before pursuing another one.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi ghostpersonanon,

It sounds like the past year has been very rough. I think depression can be so debilitating, and it can sometimes take its toll on relationships, which is no one’s “fault” of course.

I feel for you...it must have been so painful to lose those relationships. I would think there’s a strong sense of loss and perhaps loneliness...

I’m so glad you have the support of a loving partner though. Obviously the decision is yours to make, but I can offer my thoughts...

From what you’re saying, it sounds like the relationship is going well. I understand you have your own issues with trust, etc, but you also said it’s very “healthy.” So the relationship itself doesn’t sound problematic...

I suppose the only thing to perhaps consider is to ask yourself honestly if you’re staying with this person because you truly want to be with them or because you’re scared to be alone?

Sorry, I hope that question doesn’t upset you. I only asked because maybe it’s something you might like to think about in deciding your next step...

Good on you for reaching out here. That’s very brave. It would be lovely to hear from you again to hear how things have been going since your first post. But there’s no pressure of course...only when and if you’re feeling up to it.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[geoff]

Good Morning Gpa, sorry to abbreviate your name, but I'd really like to welcome you to the forums, with such a lovely thread.

If this relationship is strong and healthy then it's best for your health to keep it, especially as you say you're a romantic, ending it may do more harm than good, trust and enjoy the love and comfort that comes from this bond.

Having a disagreement doesn't mean they don't love you because making up is part of the fun, but each one of you has your own opinion and you're entitled to have this, what it means is one of you has to go with the other, or you meet half way.

As you're a romantic indicates that your depression is going to hit you pretty hard, I know that it does for those who are also suffering and I must admit I fall in love quite easily.

Can I please suggest that you see your doctor and understand that myself and I'm sure some others have also been in the same situation when friends we've known have also disappeared from contact, depression does this to us and it's not your fault.

I hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.

[Jen_Melb]

Hello,

I feel for you. Here is my story, which may be closely or distantly related to your current experience....I have a small group of friends that live across the world, so my partner has been at the centre of my world for the last few years. A little while ago I experienced something that put me in a bad place emotionally and mentally, and I wanted to push everything and everyone away just to eliminate the stimulus and create space to breathe.

I knew I wasn't a great person to be around and I was afraid my partner would leave me, which actually projected itself as indecision as to whether or not I wanted to continue the relationship because of the fear feedback loop. Maybe you leaving is a way to validate your fears and keep you in a fear loop and unable to enjoy relationships. But if the question comes up continuously in your mind, it may also be your intuition telling you what you need right now is some time alone to find your own way for a while.

Either way, facing the proposition of loneliness may be an interesting and ultimately rewarding path that will enrich your future relationships, whenever you are ready to have them.

Good luck 🙂