Depression and Anxiety

[Doofus2505]

Hi Everyone, I have been suffering with this since 2012. My boss subjected me to 6 years of systematic bullying ( Abusing me in front of the other employees and general harassment and a lot lot more). This lasted until 2018. In 2016 i was harassed by the police in a case of mistaken identity which lasted for 3 years. I left my job in 2018 and am in a happier work environment and the Police thing ended this year. I just cannot get my life back on track, I am on Anti-Depressants and they dont seem to work. I get panic attacks and i cant even spend time with my friends as i feel like i am worthless. 2012-2018 destroyed my life and i even had many thoughts on ending my life and more so on how to do it. My wife and kids are the only thing that keep me going. fed up with feeling like this. just dont know what to do

[Sophie_M]

Hi Doofus2505,

You've taken an excellent and brave first step in sharing this with us here today. We're sorry the past several years have been so difficult for you. Our supportive, non-judgmental online forums community is here to give you as much support, advice and conversation  as  you need from others who are experiencing or have experineced something similar to you.

You can also talk to one of our qualified mental health professionals at our Support Service. They're available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636, by webchat 3pm-midinight every day or by email (replies within 24 hours) via https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support.

[Croix]

Dear Doofus2405~

I'd like to give you a welcome along with Sophie_M to the Forum. As Sophie says it can be a brave thing to tell other you have been thinking of ending your life.

I've felt exactly that way too, and have some thoughts that might help.

The first is to be bullied at work is something that makes one feel particularly powerless and helpless. To not be able to take action - which in most circumstances is not possible - really lowers one's self esteem and for some unknown reason makes one feel guilty too. I don't know why.

Over a long period of time -and you certainly have that -this may well result in an actual mental illness. Add to that harassment by the police -for whatever reason - and the chances of succumbing to illness become that much greater.

So now, although the ordinary things in your life have improved a lot you are still very much feeling the aftermath of those previos horrible years.

I had a similar problem that was work-related and too became suicidal, in fact I had among other things depression and anxiety. Depression sometime does not go by itself, no how good life can seem, and it narrowed my thinking down until killing myself seemed the only way to fix things.

I made this worse be not telling anyone.

When eventually I did tell someone I got medical help and the support of my family (I had not realized how strong my wife was -a real comfort, I owe her a great debt) and then things started to improve. now my life is good, with love given and received, the same for support, plus satisfying work.

So my I suggest three things

first, if you feel overwhemed or frightened as to what you might do ring 000,or if not quite htat urgent the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) -which I personally recomend. They can be a real comfort.

Second have a Sapty Plan, htere is a good one here I use myself

.

[Croix]

Sorry, the post got sent unfinished -it happens

Second have a Safety Plan, there is a good one here I use myself:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

This you fill out yourself first, and it is a very good idea to have someone life a spouse who knows you well, to help. I found I could never think of what had given me pleasure or laugh in the past, she could, and so helped me fill it in.

There was one thing I meant to say right at the start, but did not get the chance.
I’m sorry for the delay in hearing anything further from the Forum itself, please be assured it's not you or the subject of your post, just sometimes things do not work as we would wish.

You are facing a very hard time at the moment, and talking to a GP (a very good first start) or maybe a family member can seem very hard to do. It is worth it - you are worth it, and if words fail you write it down and hand over the note

I hope to hear from you again

Croix

[ecomama]

Dear Doofus2505

Welcome to the forums, I'm really glad you're here and sharing your worries. You'll get some wonderful suggestions here over time. You can post 24/7 and there are always people who'll listen and some who've been through similar and have had vast improvements with support. There IS hope.

I'm happy to see that your wife and children are with you and you value them. They all see your worth, even if you can't at times. You're worthy of their love and support, I'm glad you have them.

I echo Croix's kind advice. Please call helplines ANY TIME you need to. You sound like you've become extremely distressed sometimes to consider the worst, you can call someone who's trained to help. If you feel yourself escalate, please call then. Now and later and as often as you need to. You may get directions on great counsellors in your area. Ask if you don't know. 1800RESPECT would also be another great helpline, there are psychologists you can be put through to who specialise in trauma. Your previous work and police harassment showed the opposite of respect, perfect number for you to call - also 24/7.

You may benefit from talking with your GP again. Letting your GP know that the antidepressants aren't working or aren't enough. You can get a Mental Health Care Plan (MHCP) and referral to a counsellor or psych. This is NOT a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength reaching out for help when one needs it, it's what any person would do on a job site with heavy materials they can't handle, they'd call for help so as not to risk injury, same thing. You'd be modelling great strategies for your kids too.

Please don't give up if you don't "gel" with the first counsellor. Not all are a good match but there are excellent ones out there and you'll be so glad you found one.

On another note. Alcohol can amplify any feelings you have inside. Often it's what others may feel will relax you. When we're struggling, it's far better to avoid alcohol completely.

Hoping to hear from you soon!
EM

[Doolhof]

HI Doofus,

I too welcome you to the community here and hope you are still reading and checking your thread. Like Croix mentioned, responses have been minimal for some reason up to this point. It is certainly no reflection on you.

Sorry to read of your past experiences. It helps me immensely to be able to tell someone else what I am feeling and experiencing and when I am capable I write all the horrid thoughts down in a book as well.

Have you spoken with your Dr openly about the traumas you have been facing?

Recently my depressed and suicidal mind has taken me down an horrendous road. I have an understanding of feeling like death is the only answer. For me it is the overwhelming feeling of sometimes unexplained pain, grief, loss of control and deep sadness.

This leads to thoughts of having no hope, no self worth, no purpose. IN that dark place it is hard to see and light.

You have mentioned your wife and family. I hope you are able to make the most of having them in our life.

Do you have any hobbies and interests? I know when we are depressed the last thing we think about might be what actually provides me with pleasure.

Pushing through the hurt and pain is hard. I am still here to tell you it is worth it! Tough yes, but it is possible.

Some days all I could do was to continue to breathe, take one step at a time and let the tears flow when needed.

I hope you are still connected to the forum and feel comfortable to get back to us.

Kind regards from Dools.