Depression: A long time coming

[Guest_31217213]

Hello. I am a new member of the Beyond Blue forum, so apologies for any mistakes made in this post.

For about the last 3 months now, I haven't felt myself. Might sound vague, but for those 3 months I've been feeling more lonely, less upbeat and hopeful, and I haven't been "connecting" to other people. It's probably because I sit in what I believe to be a triangle of "Things that a lot of people don't really like", making me not want to really connect with new people (not just because it feels weird to walk up to someone and start talking!) in the probably high chance they hate it and become a new rival hater of me, ruining my popularity and decreasing the chances I get to connect to others and my self-confidence in making new connections. A snowballing of issues may seem overexagerated, but it's just what my mind believes is true.

If anyone wishes to discuss this further, I'll (usually) be ready to continue. Thank you.

[indigo22]

Hi,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I'm so sorry you feel like you are heading into depression. To be upfront with you, I have been dealing with depression for over 50 years, so please know I am here to help.

There are a couple of things in your post I am not clear on that I would appreciate an expansion on if you are up to it.

I sit in what I believe to be a triangle of "Things that a lot of people don't really like" (unsure what you are meaning here)

in the probably high chance they hate it and become a new rival hater of me, ruining my popularity (are you referring to facebook/social media here? Or do you mean this in general terms in everyday life?)

A snowballing of issues makes perfect sense to me. It's how I feel when I become overwhelmed by too many things needing attention at the same time. I was not always this way, I was quite adept at juggling, but after a few life changing events, it has become a lot harder to keep the balls in the air without constantly dropping them, hence the overwhelm.

I will be here if you would like to continue the conversation.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

[therising]

An incredibly warm welcome to you at such a challenging time.

Not sure if it will help but I've found, with getting to know people, part of it can be about getting a sense of their nature and interests before revealing certain elements about my own nature and interests. I can relate to learning this lesson the hard way. It's kinda like reveal too much or reveal certain things that people are going to react to in a degrading way or a disapproving way and you'll feel a sense of degradation and disapproval (amongst other things). While we can still be confident and even proud in revealing certain things about ourself through conversation, I figure (when speaking to a degrading person) 'Do I really want to be feeling degradation when there are more liberating emotions to be feeling that aren't a waste of my time and energy?'. 

A different way of seeing a new connection and potential friendship can involve a kind of interview process. A surface connection is one thing but when we're looking for something a little more than that it can resemble a bit of an interview process. Gaining more of an internal view of a person is about 'Is this person the right person for the job of 'New friend'?'. So the question becomes 'Who would you employ as a new friend?'. What prerequisites are involved? Someone open minded? Someone who's not self righteous, feeling they have the right to degrade whatever means a lot to you? Someone who can lead you to open your mind? Someone who amazes you and inspires you? Someone whose interests are similar to yours perhaps? Someone whose nature just feels beautiful, genuine and natural? All sounds good to me. Sometimes it's easy to tell within the first couple of minutes whether someone doesn't have the job. A closed minded, arrogant, self righteous and judgemental person who has no problem degrading people definitely does not get the job, in my opinion. 

At the end of the day I've found it can be about offering little snippets when it comes to giving people an internal view of me and then I take it from there beyond the first meeting. Could take a number of following meetings with a person before I reveal a deeper view into who I naturally am. Hope some of that helps.🙂