Depressed, lost and lonely

[Lonely_and_Lost]

Hello I am new here and this is my first post. I was diagnosed with depression 15yrs ago after a bad breakup and recently I was also diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder (I thought I was just an introvert). I have been seeing a really great female psychologist and she has been helping me a lot but last week the clinic called and told me she has unexpectedly left the practice. Now I have to start all over again with a new psychologist.

I am now 35, single and very lonely. I don't have any friends and I cannot seem to find a boyfriend. I am highly stressed about my ages and situation as all I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother. I am a biology teacher and I know all about reproduction. People keep telling me that any man would be lucky to have me but all I feel is that I must be such a loser because no man wants me. I do not want to ge to a sperm bank (as suggested by several people, including family) because then I will be a single loser with a child. Having no man want me is the worst feeling in the world.

I am also struggling in my job. My management are making things very difficult in a bid to push me out. It is making me question everything. Should I be doing this? Should I return to my previous career in hospitality where I feel my strengths are stronger? Should I move overseas? Several people have told me if they didn't have kids, they would move overseas in a heartbeat and said I should go since I have nothing to tie me down (except my cat).

I am just so conflicted and confused and indecisive. I have no clue what to do. I literally spend all my time outside work at home alone. I have done a lot of internet research and I still can't work out what I want or what to do. I am frightened of making the wrong decision. If I move, maybe things will be better but maybe they will be worse. I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy and excited about life. I feel like everyday I am just existing, going through the motions, like an empty vessel. I hate everything and find little joy in anything except cuddles from my cat. I feel like I am down a big deep dark hole and I have no idea how to get out.

If there is anyone out there who can relate or has any advice I would love to hear it. I just need someone to talk to and, if possible, the fairy godmother to wave her wand and solve all my problems.

[Lily78]

Hello

I can relate to your post. I was actually having very similar thoughts earlier on. I feel your pain and although I only wish the best for people, it is somewhat comforting to know other's feel the same.

I turned 40 this year and although it's been a stressful year so far, being this age and single was never the plan. The amount of anxiety I have felt about meeting a nice guy, having a family, settling down etc is huge espesially now I am this age. It's a horrible feeling.

Please be kind to yourself and as much as I know it's not easy, try and focus on some self care and looking after yourself.

I hope you are able to find another good psychologist. That is really frustrating for you and understand how you must be feeling.

I know this possibly hasn't helped much, I am happy to chat more if you are interested.

Take care

[White_Rose]

Hello Lonely and Lost and hello to Lily. Welcome to the forum and thank you for telling us your stories.

I can feel your frustration in your post. Everyone has an answer for you except the one person that matters, you. No wonder you feel confused with all the free advice you have been given. You are the only person who can make the decision about your life. Did any of this come up when you talked to your psychologist? A good psychologist will help you explore options without trying to make decisions for you.

Can you see another psychologist at the clinic you attended? I say that because they could then access your records and have a head start on your new relationship. Your records cannot be seen by anyone else in the practice without your permission. Your GP is the best person to help you find another therapist.

Finding out who you are is a lifelong journey I have found. Mainly, I believe, because we change as we grow older and find our interest moves to different areas as we gain insight to our needs and likes. I am still finding out about myself and I am a grandmother. Sometimes it's rather exciting to find we have have new skills and aptitudes.

I would not say you are a loser because you do not have a boyfriend. However it is more difficult to meet someone if you only go to work and return home. Not much chance of meeting someone that way. My ex and me separated 18 years ago and I have often been asked why I don't want another partner. On the whole I like living on my own even though there are dark days and I wish someone was there to hold my hand, give me hanky to dry my tears. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it.

To return to your friends, I suspect they would not have taken that job abroad as was suggested to you. We are creatures of comfort and we dislike moving under any circumstances. I think this is where we part company for the night, we have different times. I have started well I hope.

Love to continue chatting.

Mary

[baet123]

Hey Lonely & Lost,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting and sharing your situation with us. This takes immense courage and bravery and you should be proud. Sorry to hear that you are feeling the way you do at present and I can relate to what your going through to some extent. You have gone through a lot and I can tell your an extremely loving, caring and resilient person and these are amazing qualities you possess. You are not a loser. You are extremely successfully and intelligent and an inspiration to us all.

Both Lily and Mary have made some great points above and I will try and not repeat anything which they have already mentioned.

I am encouraged to hear that you have been receiving help and that your psychologist is helping you greatly but it is unfortunate that she has left the practice. Are you able to see her at her new practice or privately? The client-professional relationship and ensuring their is a strong connection with your health professionals is super important so if you cannot continue seeing your psychologist, consider seeing another psychologist and don't be afraid to "shop around" until you find a psychologist who you feel genuinely cares for your well-being and you are comfortable with.

Do you see your GP regularly for check ups and are you on medication? Medication may be able to assist you on your journey and is extremely beneficial for most people with anxiety.

You may also want to look into using social platforms/applications including Meetup and w3app. These applications are a great way to meet like minded people who share common interests and goals. I believe that if we meet people whom we have much in common with, this is a great way to initially build and form long lasting relationships. What are some of your hobbies and interests? You can find many social groups out there with similar interests as you and go from there.

Lastly, if your current job is detrimental to your overall quality of life and emotional well-being, it may be time to consider another option. Of course, you must take into account your financial situation and the like, however, nothing AND I MEAN NOTHING is worth sacrificing your happiness and well-being for.

It does get better and it will get better.

You have so much to offer and seem like an extremely likable, confident and caring person. Don't ever lose these qualities and I hope to hear back from you shortly.

All the best.

Your friend,

Nick.

[LeeA18]

Hi

i can relate to you. I am 36 years old and feel the same way. My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and I have gone into depression and anxiety. it felt like my last chance to have a child. Selfish way of thinking.

I am constantly told that I am a good catch and would make a man happy. The man I wanted to make happy rejected me. So I am just not feeling it right now.

Feel free to chat.

[Lonely_and_Lost]

Hi LeeA18,

I'm sorry you are in a similar situation and feel the same way. It is horrible, especially when you don't have anyone around who can relate.

I'm trying to make changes in my life to try and change things but it is so difficult 😞

[LeeA18]

I have a friend who told me that I am lucky not to have kids. I have freedom to do whatever I want and, as much as he loves his kids, if he had his time again, he wouldn’t have them. I am like “well, I’ll take your kids for you.” Lol.

[Lonely_and_Lost]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.

I went and saw a male clinical psychologist at the same centre yesterday and he was ok. I have another 2 sessions left on my mental health plan so I will see how those 2 go before deciding what to do.

I have looked at the Meetup groups. I am following a strict food & exercise program in an effort to transform my body into something fitter and healthier. This means no 'normal' food and alcohol. Almost all the Meetup groups near me that I would be interested in all involve food/drinks. I am going to the Caribbean with my mum in January so the goal is to look good for the trip. Next year I will be able to join some of those groups though. I don't like near the city so there aren't many social groups out here in the far outer suburbs. Driving 1hr to the city is not something I want to do.

Thank you again for your advice and kindness. You all seem like really nice people who care about others. I will just battle on and hope that things get better soon xx