Depressed, hormonal or something else?

[ImmenseLiz]

Hi, I'm new here. Not sure where to start. I am a single mum of 1, I work and I am doing my PhD. I've never felt like I really belonged anywhere or that I was ever good enough. I act really extraverted around people and everyone knows me for my laugh and being "smart". But then I cry my eyes out behind closed doors (usually!).I get very depressed and have terrible pms. I am getting to a point where I just can't contain my emotions anymore and people are starting to notice and it makes me feel even more worried and terrible. I turned 30 and got drunk at my party and completely flew off the handle... Now everyone thinks I'm crazy. I am trying to apologize to everyone but the damage is done. I saw a doctor a few months ago about severe insomnia and they just told me "to wait and see" and that they wouldn't prescribe me anything. I told them I couldnt cope at the time and I just left feeling like there wasn't any solution given but to "buck up". I'm worried that even though I'm a good mum and my son is completely taken care of (and probably spoilt), that if I seek further help that I will be labelled crazy and have my child raising ability questioned. I have desperately wanted another child for so many years and now if I did people would think I was doing the wrong thing. So I have to maybe give up my long held desires. I'm just not sure what to do at this point....

[Croix]

Dear ImmenseLiz~

Working, doing a Phd and being a single mum is realy amazing. Any one of those is enough for most people. It will certainly be a lot of pressure on you.

I honestly don't think you have to worry about being considered 'crazy' or having your ability to parent questioned as a result. Getting drunk at a party and behaving in a 'different' way is hardly unusual. I'm sorry if that as placed a strain on your friendships or any family, but people that care will make allowances.

Insomnia, PMS, putting on a mask for others to see, and being really unhappy and crying are all horrible things to try to cope with and like a lot of people you may need medical support to improve matters.

Can I suggest you give doctors another try and set out how you have been feeling and see if there is an anxiety condition or depression to be addressed as well as the PMS.?Unfortunately not all doctors are equal and it may be a case of finding another that is prepared to listen and takes matters seriously.

Being a happy and rested mum can only be good for both yourself and your son.

Do you have family or friends who are there for you? Even being able to talk frankly about problems can be a real help.

Croix

[Alexlisa]

Hello Immenseliz,

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds so difficult and is very disappointing that the doctor that you saw treated you in such a way. I think that Croix is right, it's a good idea to try a different doctor. You showed that you are wise and brave to have tried the first time, I think this is something to be proud of.

Do you have a doctor that you see regularly, that you trust? It's so important that you have someone that you 'click with' and makes you feel your concerns are validated. Unfortunately, regarding mental health it can be a very mixed bag of attitudes and experiences of GPs, but please don't let it dishearten you. I have a fantastic GP that I've been seeing for 10 years and she is always understanding and compassionate to me regarding my mental health. Are you able to ask friends/family if they have a GP that they recommend? That's what I usually recommend to people when I hear such horrible doctor stories as your own. You deserve to have been treated better and I hope that you will not give up.

Take care,

Alexlisa x

[ImmenseLiz]

So went and saw a psychiatrist and they said I have bipolar 2 and prescribed a low dose antipsychotic as a mood stabiliser. I found it rather confronting. Explains the last 15 years of my life... However now poses the question of what do I do now.