Depressed, going through a breakup and just broke my leg.

[LaurenCecelia]

Hi guys,

 I was diagnosed about a year ago with depression, after struggling for many years prior to that. I'm undertaking counselling and taking anti depressants and have good days and bad days. I'm working full time, and studying part time. 

Recently, I went through a breakup of sorts. I say of sorts as I'm talking about the first person I ever really opened up to, and the person who encouraged and helped me to seek help. We broke up for a period before I was diagnosed when I was overseas, however we have continued talking for the majority of the time, and for the past year he has been helping me cope with living with depression. He's the only way that I normally go to when I'm down, and he often helps get me out of my rut, purely by just being there.

 A couple of weeks ago he told me he just wasn't feeling the same, and thought we should stop seeing each other romantically, however he still cares about me and wants to talk to me (which I don't quite understand). So understandably, I was quite upset about that, and it also happened the week before my mini thesis for my masters was due. My nonna was also in ICU at this time, so I was having a rough time there too. 

 so that's what I've been trying to deal with recently, and I was coping through getting out and exercising, and seeing friends. 

 however, one week ago I broke my leg. I was hospitalised for 5 days as I requires surgery to place a plate and screws in. All of my friends were amazed at how positive I was throughout the whole thing, whereas inside I was struggling and just wishing my ex could be there. We talked, he knew I was in hospital, yet he didn't ask if he could visit.

 now I am at home, on bed rest, and everything seems to be hitting me as I cannot seem to keep myself occupied as I previously could. No runs or walks, no going out etc. I try to read and watch movies  but I just can't seem to concentrate and only drift into a spiral of sadness. 

 Does anybody out there have any ideas or strategies or just thoughts on how I could try and cope a little better? It has been good to get this all out, and I would love if someone could take the time to reply.

 thanks for reading.

[white knight]

Hi LC, welcome to BB forums

There is no "good" time for him to inform you of his change of feelings. It would be difficult for him to delay it for any length of time. Same as visiting you in hospital. He's told you he desires to remain friends but by visiting you he might well believe he has to show you more than that and place himself in a position.

This is tough stuff LC. It isnt easy. Love and the diminishing of it. Feelings are complex. But what you cant do is put pressure on him because then he might either feel obliged to show more care then he wants to or break communication off altogether. Any relationship under obligation is no relationship at all.

Your hands are tied. Rest up, get back on your feet. This will take several weeks. By then you'll know your status with him. One way or the other. If it goes belly up and the love is gone, start fresh and look for love again. As I said, love is tough.

Take care    Tony WK

[LaurenCecelia]

Thanks for the reply White Knight

I think I know where we stand relationship wise, and that is that it is over. I think what I was getting at was that I had been on track reasonably well with handling my depression. Then this relationship break down started happening and things got a lot harder. 

 Now, with having broken my leg, I just can't distract myself the ways I used to. And things just seem to have become a lot harder again. 

 I can no longer distract myself with work, exercise, or getting out and about to see friends. I guess I just want to hear from anyone who may have gone through any sort of similar experience, and if they might have some good ways to cope! 

I really do not want to go backwards, so I am just trying to stay positive at the moment! 

Thanks,

LC

[White_Rose]

Hello Lauren

Welcome to BB. So sorry to read about your problems. Life is unkind at times. I had a similar experience when I broke my knee. Off work, major depression, few support people. Life can be hard.

How to keep your mind occupied. Well that is a toughy. I used to watch Voyager videos (long time ago) as I could not concentrate on reading, even though it was normally one of my most enjoyable interests.  Anything that required more than ten minutes full concentration was out of the question. Not interest in TV much, so another no no.

I phoned people I knew a few times but felt I had to be careful not to overload them and wear out my welcome. What I did find I could tolerate was getting talking books out of the library. Having someone read to me was quite soothing and of course you could stop them at any time without hurting their feelings. Perhaps you know someone who could get these CDs out for you?

These days I use my computer more. Can you do some research at home? Later I started to research my family history and became thoroughly hooked on it.

Silence was the worst thing so I tried to have some music on all the time. My favourite performers etc, Even if the sound was low it made me feel less alone and sometimes I would sing along with it (when no one was listening of course).

Lauren I hope these comments are useful to you. Please write in again.

Mary

[Phoenix76]

Hi Lauren,

I too have felt abandoned by someone I cared about and relied upon for support, and they basically left when I needed them the most.. It was devastating!  But Alas I am still here! 🙂

I found a few things helped get through the toughest times.. I began to write a journal of how I was feeling and just expressed the thoughts that were stuck whirling around my head, getting them onto paper made me feel a lot better, I would then shut the journal until I had the next urge to vent.

I found if I sat to watch dvd's I was partially distracted, but then I started doodling with colour pens and paper whilst I was watching the movies and found between the two I was able to distract myself, but also express myself through the art.

Another thing I do, which I often overlook and have to remind myself is.. MUSIC! whether it be tunes that you grew up with or the current tunes.. putting my music on and laying there and singing along is a great way to lift my mood, or make me cry.. either way my emotions are able to flow!

I also draw/doodle whilst i listen to music as well. Just remember feelings just come and go, imagine sitting by a stream where there are occasional leaves drifting past... you will notice them, and they drift on, but if you grab one out and get annoyed at it for being there, you are just focusing more attention on it, rather than if you just let it flow past.

Your sadness at not having your ex to rely on is uncomfortable I am sure, but honestly he sounds like he was a gift sent to you to help you get through.. and now it is time for him to back away, so that you realise you can do it without him!... You can do it! 🙂

I hope some of my suggestions can help make life a little easier for you... you will get through the darkness and the sun will shine on you brighter than ever! 🙂

Phoenix 🙂

[geoff]

dear LC, welcome aboard and thanks for posting a comment.

Well there's been an enormous change from what you previously did to know being laid up with your broken leg, but before I address your question, can I say that once you can walk again you will need to constantly exercise your leg, either by swimming or physio otherwise it won't become strong or flexible, although I'm not sure where it was broken.

I will be facing my 4th operation on my hip early next year and like you I am not looking forward to it, simply because I've been there 3 times before, but I know that swimming is the best exercise I can give it, but I tend to become complacent.

Before the accident it must have been difficult working and studying when you were suffering from depression.

It seems as though your partner has had enough, or perhaps burnt out, which normally happens to people we talk to, and being in a romantic relationship and then wanting to stop this just to become a talking friend doesn't work, because it completely changes the whole aspect, so virtually this will stop, if it hasn't already.

Are you able to continue your studies maybe on line, which I know would be tall reach, but I would be interested in knowing what you are studying, but you could use your spare time in doing some research, however I'd like to hear back from you.

Sometimes when I say I will once again reply to either you or anyone else, your post gets lost in page 2 or 3 and I miss it and forget about it, but please this is no indication on either you or the other person that I don't get to reply back to you or them. L Geoff. x