Argg! Why is everything so hard!
Year in year out I've worked my hardest to be positive, hard working, motivated. I've worked a great job (which after 15 years I was retrenched from due to outsourcing) and did my best to see it as a blessing and an opportunity to retrain.
So at 8 months old I put my child in daycare 2 days a week and went back to school and got my cert 4 in fitness. And what a joke that has been. I hoped it would give me the ability to work the hours my child is asleep so I could spend the days with her. But getting shifts late enough so it doesn't interfere is non existent and most people seem to want a "cheap" trainer. And if you work for a gym they want you to do sales. I couldn't sell to save myself, I hate sales with a passion, so it appears I've completely wasted my time.
On top of that, I have been training people I know just to keep myself current but I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. People just aren't dedicated to their goals. They spend more time making excuses than listening to what I actually have to say, And it doesn't seem to matter what angle I take to help I've wasted my time and effort investigating new training methods. So what does that say about how effective a trainer I am?
I'd rather spend all day in my room by myself (aside from my daughter). I have read about depression including not wanting to feel alone but I rarely feel lonely and often get annoyed and anxious about having to actually spend time with people. I know this isn't healthy and push myself to have activities to do every day but it's causing me more frustration everyday. I feel so demotivated to do anything. I've lost passion for most everything. It's driving me spare.
I want to be a good mum and a role model but I can't even keep my house in a decent state.
Why can't I work out how to make something work.
Ive tried writing down things I'm grateful for everyday for 6 weeks. It make zero difference.
what the heck do I do? I'm so lost.
