Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

[QldMouse]

I know I'm struggling to ask this in a sane manner, but I would really like to get opinions from other depression sufferers.

For a long time, in parallel to my depression I have suffered what I can only describe as constant frustration. It is an overall tension and has caused many physical symptoms like stress, migraines, high blood pressure yadda, yadda, etc. I've discussed it with psycho's in the past but never got close to an answer. They womble on about relaxation and meditation which fail for me. So here is the question to the community.

Do other people find themselves constantly frustrated and stressed to the point of physical stress symptoms, or even self harm? Does your depression drive you to panic and freak out at things normal people would not sweat?

Yes I have read "Don't sweat the small stuff" but I do, and can't seem to shake it.

Do you? What do you do about it? Does anything work?

Thanks in advance.

[White_Rose]

Hello Bev

So sad to read about your struggles. It's good to have a plan to combat the dark days and feelings. Some days I forget about my coping mechanisms which is not helpful but I think reflects how miserable I am feeling. I also like to sit in my garden and allow the peace and tranquillity to seep into me. It quiets me as little else can apart from meditating and that's hard when I feel all jangled up.

Mouse, it seems you are a domestic mouse with the urge to clean. You can come and do my housework any time. It's never a favourite chore with me. I will pay you in cheese. I understand screaming is not your thing. While I frequently have the urge to yell and scream I rarely indulge. Raising my voice is more like it. However, it's not much help and makes me feel I am behaving like a child having a temper tantrum. Well maybe that's correct.

These days, after much counselling, I am finding it easier to work out why I am angry. I have listened to my body, as was once suggested to me, and realise all the tension I feel in my back and shoulders come from my anger and frustration. This realisation only helps me to consciously try to relax, but it's a start. It does make it easier to start working out what is happening in my brain.

I also think part of the anger comes from not letting go of my hurts, from constant rehashing and wishful thinking. My reasoning is that when I discover the source of a particular anger I can start to let go and reduce the tension. Forgiving may sound a religious thing to do but it's part of getting control of my life and getting well. By the way, by forgiving I mean forgiving myself. Maybe this can lead to forgiving the other. but it's done for myself. So often others do not care if they are forgiven or not, or maybe the person has gone out of reach so cannot hear your forgiveness.

Not sure if I can love myself enough to forgive myself and this worries me. If I don't love myself how can I love others?

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hi Mary,

I enjoyed reading your post, a lot of what you have written I can relate to. I've been told that if I can let go of my stress, frustration and anger than I will not have as much tension in my back and shoulders as well. Maybe the headaches will reduce too.

There are structural issues with my back as well, nothing will fix that except for disc replacement operations. I saw a clip on how that is done recently. If it works, it would be wonderful!

Back to anger and frustration, one of my clients yesterday burst into tears when I told her I would be leaving at the end of the month. I stayed and had a chat and a coffee with her for a while.

I didn't end up telling the next client I was leaving as I had no idea what his reaction would be. I will tell him next week! I will send my Advisor an email and ask if the company actually tells the clients or if I have to do it.

Either way, I need to look after myself in all of this. Like you mentioned Mary, I need to listen to how my mind is reacting and deal with any issues productively!

Cheers for now, From Mrs. Dools

[White_Rose]

A quick comment. A while ago I had some pretty bad headaches and pain at the base of the skull. An idle remark to my dentist about what was happening and he diagnosed the cause. It seems I was clenching my teeth in my sleep, some people grind their teeth, and this was causing the pain. He also asked about my eyes but I cannot remember now what was happening with them then.

Anyway he made what he calls a splint, made out of mouth guard stuff and sits over the top two front teeth while I sleep. It stops my jaw from clenching as it reduces the power of the jaw. So I wore it for a couple of weeks and the pain went, quite quickly. I continued to wear it in bed for some time then decided I was sufficiently relaxed to go without it. Now reusing it as I have become tense etc. but no headaches. Perhaps this is worth checking out.

Mary

[QldMouse]

Hi Mrs Dools, Mary and James,

Mrs Dools I'm sad to hear of your recent experiences and the tough time you are having. I really hope life gets kinder for you soon, and I really agree with with James.

I was in that position 2-3 years ago and it was killing me with stress, and basically giving up on myself and not valuing my self. I lacked the confidence to resign, my hat off to you for your courage to take that step. I lost the plot and quietly told my toxic boss what I really thought of him and what he called leadership. Solved the problem much faster. Now I'm over 10Kg lighter, on much less medication, and quite a bit more relaxed. I just need to deal with this frustration thingy.

I did like your list, especially the marshmallows.

Yes Mary, my mad housework and gardening cleanup impulses get mention in the strangest places. It works for me. I know I have a way to go with the "love yourself thing" its a bit of a sore point with the psych's I've been to. There was a thread here about that being BS, I agree with the sentiment in the thread. The Psych's have there heads in dark smelly places.

Mary that was very interesting about the teeth and the jaw, I have a lot of stress in that area and have chipped teeth not realizing how much my jaw was clenched. I have so many mouth / teeth / jaw issues, I could whinge up a whole thread on that alone. When I have enough courage to go see a dentist I'll remember to ask about that.

I know I should deal with the root cause, but if the dam psych is right then it is darn near an impossibility for me to heal. That is a wound that I've had for decades and is a big sad part of me. That is pretty darn frustrating in itself.

Be well all, be happy please.

[Doolhof]

Hi Qld Mouse, Mary, James and All,

Thanks for the advice on the dentist cure for your headaches Mary. I know my sister has a mouth guard as she suffers from tension at night. I may well have the same thing.

I also know that due to the non existent discs in my lower back, my whole back, neck and shoulders suffer. I can feel the pain go from my neck, up the back of my head then tot he front where it sometimes feel like my head wants to explode. Not so good when you are driving 30 k.m. home dodging trucks, sheep and kangaroos on the country roads.

This morning I was so depressed I wanted to check out one way or another. I decided to look up accommodation on the internet but couldn't decide where to go. I had to get to work so didn't have enough time to pack a bag anyway.

I assisted my client for three hours then pushed myself to join two girlfriends for lunch as we had planned a few days ago. They encouraged and congratulated me for making a stand and deciding to look after myself for a change in relation to leaving work.

Loving myself is something I have found really difficult to do, so right now I am going to start with accepting and liking myself.

If it isn't bucketing down with rain tomorrow I am going to try and find some dry sticks and make a fire for those marshmallows, otherwise I will be trying to cook them over a candle.

Hope you all have an okay kind of a weekend. A great weekend will be even better!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[White_Rose]

Hello Bev and Mouse

I imagine it would very worthwhile to visit the dentist ASAP. A mouth splint can't assist much with bits of you missing or broken, but it may help reduce some pain. Anything that helps is worth trying.

Loving ones self is very difficult I find. We know ourselves too well to be under any illusions and we do have difficulty getting past that. I think we miss the point that others also struggle with their self knowledge, no matter how they hide it. Much of what others dislike about themselves is similar to our own feelings of repugnance. I'm not suggesting we do not try to become better people, just that we accept ourselves, with all our faults and brokenness, as people on the journey. We will get smarter.

I need to go back to bed. Went to bed at 8:00pm because I was exhausted and woke about 11:00pm. Now it's 1:15 and I am getting tired again. Take great care of yourselves everyone.

Mary