Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

[QldMouse]

I know I'm struggling to ask this in a sane manner, but I would really like to get opinions from other depression sufferers.

For a long time, in parallel to my depression I have suffered what I can only describe as constant frustration. It is an overall tension and has caused many physical symptoms like stress, migraines, high blood pressure yadda, yadda, etc. I've discussed it with psycho's in the past but never got close to an answer. They womble on about relaxation and meditation which fail for me. So here is the question to the community.

Do other people find themselves constantly frustrated and stressed to the point of physical stress symptoms, or even self harm? Does your depression drive you to panic and freak out at things normal people would not sweat?

Yes I have read "Don't sweat the small stuff" but I do, and can't seem to shake it.

Do you? What do you do about it? Does anything work?

Thanks in advance.

[james1]

Hey Mouse,

I'm not sure exactly what your situation is but maybe you can tell me if some of mine sound familiar to you?

Most of the time I'm in shutdown. Deliberately not feeling or trying to feel. Bottling things, absolutely, but because I'm afraid of releasing it all at once. So I find little things here and there to release my emotions - posting here, writing poems, meeting people, sending a quick "I'm feeling crap. Don't want to talk" to a friend - things that just help me release the tension.

But I can always feel the emotions there. And it manifests in a physical sensation of a lump in my throat all day long, every day, so I feel like I'm choking constantly. It's burst a few times, sometimes in anger, sometimes despair, sometimes panic. And usually about something stupid. A few examples: I couldn't decide what to eat for lunch, my internet wasn't working, my computer graphics card broke so I got lines on my monitor, someone cancelled because they were sick.

So, what helps? Well, nothing helps with the massive outbreak. When it comes, it comes. But I'm trying to learn how to release the tension better.

Think of it this way: you know those bubblers/water fountains which are really powerful? I have to learn the exact amount of pressure to push so it's not too strong and not too weak. Same with releasing the tension in these small ways - how much and how often will I release your stress?

Not sure if any of this helps, but have you found any small ways that can help you release your tension? Maybe you've only done it once and you felt better during - that counts too, even as a distraction.

James

[QldMouse]

Thanks so much James,

There are some similarities, I'm very familiar with being in shutdown and autopilot. Feels numb, and oh boy do I feel tension. Yeah, I have great difficulty with people and have virtually no friends. There is a common thread.

Bloody emotions eh, I know I don't show much but I feel things way too deeply. My order is probably panic, despair, anger. Your day does sound like mine, I also have to deal with traffic and that is not nice.

Where I differ is I don't blow up, maybe one day I will but I sure don't want to be around if I do. That was beaten out of me very early in life, so I keep it to myself out of self preservation. I'm still like that, I'll stew quietly on things and be stressed and frustrated with myself.

I've tried all the stress management tricks in the books, Psycho's have given me the stink eye in frustration. Not much works. They have tried meds but I don't react very well to a lot of stuff, I can't even take panadol and things like that.

For me going for a walk in nature if possible works eventually, music sometimes often not.

Searching for a better way ...

Yes, I had caught a face full from those bubblers many a time!! Happy days.

Cheers.

[Doolhof]

Hi Qld Mouse,

Reading your post, I could have written it myself, only I go a bit more over the top that you do. I don't just become frustrated and feel everything you have described, I also become really angry and actually do blow up. Not a pretty sight at all believe me.

Actually, I have calmed down quite a bit since my Dr. tried me on a different anti depressant. As I had been on the other one for so long, I had not realised how revved up it made me!

To release my frustration and anger I would do things like go for a walk up a hill so I exhausted myself, pull up weeds, trim bushes, clean the house vigorously, clean out he chook house and chook yard, rip up paper, yell, scream, rant and rave.

So yer, I understand what you are talking about. The meditation and relaxing stuff doesn't help me either when I get past a certain point. The thing is to try and corral the wild brumby before it bolts! Ha. Ha.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[QldMouse]

Thank you Mr Dool,

It is nice to find it is not just me.

I forgot cleaning helps me to, although I tend to be a bit energetic with cleaning at times.

Maybe it is better to explode, two psycho's have tried to get to do some screaming, with pathetic results. The theory being it is better out than in.

Thanks!!

[Doolhof]

Hi Qld Mouse,

Anger has been a problem of mine since I was a child. No one tells you how to deal with anger appropriately. When I tried to suppress it, it would later burst out of me like a vicious dragon.

Years ago I found myself in a mental health ward. Even there anger was suppressed and not dealt with appropriately. One lady raised her voice, yelled just a little and was gang tackled by about 6 guards and dragged to her room to be injected and drugged out of her brain.

Anger is better out than in, but you need to pick your moment. One day I exploded at a service station. I am very surprised no one called the police on me! A couple of days later I was in hospital again for a couple of weeks.

These days I try to find ways to release the anger before it builds up like a volcano erupting.

Regarding your energetic cleaning, as long as you don't tend to break things when you are so enthusiastic, I don't think that is a problem.

There may be many people on this forum who have issues with anger, it would be interested to know how they deal with it.

Cheers for now.

[White_Rose]

Hello Mouse and Bev

Anger has plagued me for many years and often I have no idea what causes it. A bit like the bubbler James describes. And I find myself feeding it when I am a bit angry, looking for something to be angry about. I think everyone has a different way to manage this. I play music constantly and sing along with the performer. He/she doesn't seem to mind too much. My repertoire is limited so I replay my favourites. And I dance, when no one is looking.

I need to do something physical otherwise I sit and brood. The drawback to this is when I get a bit down and lose my energy to do anything. I feel a bit like that at the moment. Stuff happens and then I crash land and refuse to get up again. It takes a while to start again.

A colleague I once worked with described me as a terrier, when I believed in something I would stick with it. That's probably true in a work context but on my own it takes longer to return to the fray. What gets me going again is my self-disgust. I also have something to prove to my ex who told me constantly how lazy and useless I am. So I am always proving him wrong. Probably not the best motive but it works.

Also finding something to believe in. For me it is my faith in God. For others it is all sorts of different things. And lots of positive self-talk. Not much working at the moment but there must be a flicker as I am posting here.

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hi Mary and All reading this,

Sorry to read you are having a tough time at present. I'm sure most of us here get that!

My depression has been a bit overwhelming lately. I feel like crying all of the time. There seems to be a lot of changes being made with my work resulting in more and more stuff being piled on my plate. All I want to do is help the elderly, not be bogged down with paper work, stuff on the computer and endless forms.

Yesterday I called the company and resigned. I am giving them their one month's notice. I told my first client yesterday and he told me he was very disappointed I was leaving him in the lurch.

I immediately wanted to yell and scream at him and tell him that if he was in as much pain as I am with my back every day, having constant headaches, with depression on top and feeling some days like suicide is the only way to stop the pain, then he might understand.

Instead I told him I was sorry for the inconvenience, that I had health problems and then said I will start my work now.

I'm going to have to think about ways to deal with my depression, anger and frustrations this month especially effectively.

Some ways will be:

-Count to 10 and take deep breaths

-Go for a walk when possible

-Phone a help line if stuff gets too much

-Call my sister who has said she will be here with me through this

-If at home pull up some weeds and let go of some anger that way

-keep myself occupied with puzzles/craft/colouring in before I become too frazzled

-make a time to go to the beach

-catch up with friends

-make a small fire down the back and cook marshmallows

The thing is to try and not get so angry that I explode before I think about how I could have reduced my anger in the first place! Not always easy to do!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[james1]

Hi Mrs dools

Sorry to hear about the change of circumstance. I think you're doing the right thing by putting your health first.

Another thing that worked for me to manage my anger was to do a check in with myself. I'd do this in the morning and if I wasn't feeling great I'd message a friend asking if I could call at a specific time (so they know to pick up), and I'd also do it before starting anything new to make sure I wasn't doing anything I couldn't mentally handle.

Just about learning to be aware of my feelings and putting the tasks second.

I hope you're doing better than yesterday.

Hugs

James

[Doolhof]

Hi James,

I just tried to send you a reply, not sure if it worked or not as the computer fritzed out on me!

Thanks for your suggestions.

Hugs to you as well, from Mrs. Dools