My life with depression.

[Bloodstone]

Hi Bloodstone here,

I'm new to the forum. 46 years old, male. I really appreciate the shares.

I would like to share alittle of my story.

I've had depression since I was small, about 5 or so. This was due to family difficulties. Teens were tough, due to family relations and no vent for my emotions.

Nervous breakdown with 18 years.

Depression and daily suicidal tendencies for the next 20 years.

Then I went on meds, trying various one under the direction of my Psychiatrist. Changing after a few years to combat relapse.

I must say the medication really helped my confidence and enabled me to tackle bad habits and addiction.

I found that tackling depression and suicide, for me, was an all round approach. First I needed to live a lifestyle that included rest and play, meditation, reflection, counselling, medication, and reduced work hours.

Secondly I needed to address my addiction. This took about 10 years with help from self help groups and meds.

I have lowered my life and career expectations to match the reality of my illness.

I still have many dark times and depressive relapses. But when I'm really blue the fact that my lifestyle is healthy means I'm not starting at zero.

Thanks warm regards B.

[Just Sara]

Wow! Great post B. - Welcome to our site!

It sounds as though you've done some amazing work. Your story seems tragic, but also inspiring. I applaud your courage to post here so others can see how determination and self insight can bring success. Good on you for fighting the good fight!

Hope you stay around, it seems you have a lot to offer. If I can be of assistance, I'd love to be here for you. (As I know others will too)

Thankyou and kind thoughts...Dizzy

[Fairywings]

Hi and welcome I'm Venessa so proud of you for remembering to stay positive throughout ur journey its part of our game plan i think so we can control our illness and not let it control us to the best we all know how inner strength def comes over time your r going to a great asset to the forums welcome to our family xx im 36 survivor of childhood sexual abuse and everything that seems to go with that and i understand how hard an addiction is to break. Reaching out and acknowledging you need help is so beneficial to the soul and helps with the recovery process and self healing so once again so proud of you for sharing your own experience with us and feel free to post anytime u r safe here xx

[White_Rose]

Dear Bloodstone

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. What a truly positive post you have written. Yes, the best approach to managing depression is an all-round approach. For me the most difficult part is eating properly. So easy to get into bad habits and eating something yummy when I feel bad is always my first option. Still working on that.

Meditation is a big part of my life and I know how much it helps. I agree that if your life in general is on the right track when you do slide a bit there is less to catchup. These are the management actions we need to take to stop a slide becoming a rout.

Thank you for telling us your story and adding to the list of successes. It's always wonderful to hear the good stuff. I will echo Fairywings and Dizzy's suggestion that you wander through other posts and offer support to others.

Mary

[Bloodstone]

Thanks I really appreciate the feedback.

[Kazzl]

I'm trailing along behind here Bloodstone, but also want to say Wow! Thank you and welcome. Your post just rang a bell of clarity for me. Especially the bit about lowering career expectations. I'm at that point right now, not by choice I might add. Life is about to take a very different turn for me and trying to see the positive in it is difficult. Your post has helped me look up from the mire of daily details to a bigger picture view.

And well done too on tackling your addiction. I also know that one - I'm a non-practicing alcoholic, sober five years.

It's so very good to have you here.

Kaz

[Bloodstone]

Hi all Bloodstone here,

I find my depression cyclical. My sub-conscious seems to work on a particular facet of my illness until it seems to have resolved it. Then it moves on to the next problem.

This cycle expresses itself physically through panic attacks as my psyche engages a new problem of my illness. Then inner turmoil, disruption in routine, as it attempts grapple the problem over time. Followed by elation as this problematic facet appears to have been solved. Only to begin all over again as the sub-conscious does its thing once more.

This cycle can take weeks and even months to revolve.

The sub-conscious seems to have a mind and will of its own. Totally disregarding any emotion stability I might need as an individual in life who needs to pay the bills, feed the family and nurture children.

My sub-conscious feels compelled to unravel the knots of my hopelessly tangled psyche to the detriment of my physical and emotional, social and practical needs, sending me on a roller coaster ride of panic, distress and elation.

So for me its important to live a relatively quiet life, lowering my career expectations to fit the illness, which allows my psyche the room it needs to heal itself.

I find this nurturing environment of my surrounds, realistic work and family expectations, support by family and friends who know my situation, allows this healing process to go forward.

I find it very reassuring and rewarding. Does anyone else seem to have this cyclical pattern?

Regards B

[Kazzl]

Hiya Bloodstone, I have similar cyclical patterns. They were rapid cycling for quite a while but have steadied now I'm on a mood stabiliser.

I'd never thought about the sub-conscious's role in all this. I have bipolar disorder type 2 and put it down to genetics and abnormal brain chemistry. Much of what you describe is very familiar to me. It's exhausting.

Good to see you back

Cheers

Kaz