Christmas, if your alone and might need to talk.

[Guest_1584]

l can't find a thread to suit a Christmas alone and all those feelings involved so l'll try this and if others out there are in the same position , your welcome to come in and talk.

Myself , it's crazy really that l even am alone and have been all week and will be all wkend too. l do have a few people in my life . Daughter, but she hasn't been well and will probably just stop home at her mums. A bother 20mins away, but he'll be down the city with his gf, a part time this yr anyway gf myself but she's been stuck up in Sydney most of the yr on legal matters and when not it's been Covid. We planned me going up but she doesn't have her own place, hotel prices this time of yr and Covid everywhere right now well. A huge family down in the city 3hrs away, hardly see them anyway but still, with Covid there right now too no ones having anyone over.

One way or another , alone for Christmas again, all wk actually and all wkend too. Since divorce 9yrs ago pretty well all of them have been alone , some with my daughter but l've always felt guilty anyway bc l don't have anyone else over to make it a bit more fun and Christmasy for her. Can't belive l'm alone , yet again.

There'll be so many people out there alone though, l know , it's very sad for the ones that might giva damn . Same old same old to l know , this stuff always hits many many people at Christmas time. Such a shame when even if your not into it , we'd all like a bit of joy if nothing else and most of us some company at least. l've even considered a going along to a salvos Christmas lunch or something except l don't need the lunch so that wouldn't be fair buttttt.

Feel free to to talk about your situation here if you like and as much as you like.

My best. rx

[geoff]

Hello Lauz22, I feel the same as you, I don't like Christmas myself and have told my family not to send any cards to me, but they still do, then I have to send one back, but it's an e-card.

I don't go to any parties, my family are all in Melb and I'm in the country and my son drives me around, both sons are terrific and I pretend to love it, especially when I see my two granddaughters which won't be until next week because where I live is all booked out.

I wish I could love the day, but nothing excites me at all, I'm sorry to say.

Geoff.

[LC80]

Christmas is over in my mind now. It was yesterday and yesterday is gone. I am totally estranged from my grown children and it's been that way for years. It is a closed chapter in the book of life. Being in severe pain for 14 or 15 hours a day is exhausting. And I don't compare my situation to others as we are all different. I am still fortunate compared to many other people. Just a little fed up with what life is throwing at me. A new year will start soon, so lets see what that brings.

[Daphre]

Hi I hate Christmas, I used to love it but now I can't wait to get back to work.

This time of year is very hard for me. My exhusband did some absolutely horrendous things to me around Christmas and my birthday which is close to Christmas and it comes back with memories this time of year. I don't know maybe I have ptsd. My mother died this time last year although we weren't close it's another thing. As I get older my life has become less important to my only daughter who has her own life which is something I am grateful for but you start to feel like you have expired in worth and no longer have value, Christmas has just become a kind of slap in the face of my life's failures

I live alone all the people I know have family time. Quite frankly I am totally miserable. I get angry my daughter catches up with her dad who had his girlfriend sit on me hit me and kick me and degrade me while we were still married for a bit of fun and it hurts because it's like she betrays me so I deal with a combination of anger and sadness I don't think I will get over things that have happened to me at this time of year. It haunts me. I start getting nauseated about a week before Christmas and never want to do another.

[Guest_1643]

Hi all, I was OK at the beginning but have progressively got more anxious and triggered. It was so rough and depressing. I get so sad that even in the public system there is not much support over Xmas. My case manager told me if I get down I can call the triage and that it doesn't have to be any kind of emergency or risk that they are used to it and can talk and check in.

I would feel pretty shy to do that

Thanks mekitty for checking in, u always show kindness to others.

I know what u mean rx, the pressure to be happy and without our troubles only increases the stress over this time.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Geoff.

Yeah it's funny isn't it , if you couldn't care less about it then who cares right , but eh , except family won't let you sometimes, gotta chuckle really.

Hey sleep , but ahh that's no good sorry you wound up feeling that way. lt's things like that and even as Geoff was saying, LC, that make it so annoying. lt's suppose to be about this or that but instead sparks of so much emotion and stupid feelings about all kinds of things. Don't know why that happens , but at the same time of course l do.

Anyway yep , another yr soon .

rx

[quirkywords]

Sleepy

I appreciate your honest and supportive posts in the forum.
I agree the pressure to be happy even when are suffering loss and trauma is an added pressure.

[Lauz22]

Hi all,

Hope everyone was ok yesterday and can enjoy today as a new day.
Christmas and this time of a year is definitely not easy. I kept reminding myself that being alone can still bring peace and joy. It's tough but I made a conscious effort to enjoy a nice walk and food.
Others may spend it with their families but the grass is not always greener on the other side. You can still feel lonely in a room full of people. People can also spend the day with their families but the reality is there are often disputes and drama within that family.

I think we all need to be kinder to ourselves and go the extra effort to do what makes us feel good and consciously block out the pressure that comes with Christmas and this time of a year.

Daphre, I'm very sorry to hear how much stress you have endured. Is there anything you enjoy, hobbies or doing something you have always wanted to try?

[mmMekitty]

Hello Daphne, & welcome to the forum.

I note a few things seemed to have happened all around Xmas. & your Birthday, especially with regards to your ex-husband's behaviour towards you. I couldn't say ifyou have PTSD or not; I'm not qualified to make that determination. There are ways people can be helped with the sorts of feelings & thoughts you have. A good place to start is often your own GP, who could refer you to someone more qualified to help.

You are most welcome to talk here, read & respond to other threads, if you like, too. Talking with others who've had similar experiences, I've found to be helpful.

Your relationship with your daughter is a tough one. Maybe , if you could arrange meeting up with her on her own? If you keep the door open to her, that does not mean you need to keep it open to your ex-husban or his new girl friend, & that you should have to put up with her behaviour either.

But, again, I am really unqualified to give any advice, as I haven't been in a married relationship, & having no kids either at all. What you describe sounds terribly uncomfortable, & yes, humiliating, & no one ought to put up with that.

mmMekitty.

[Guest_1643]

Hi lauz, I like how u old see things from a bigger perspective and find Ur personal way to enjoy the day.

Thanks quirky, writing through it and sharing with u all is a big help

I am leaning to accepting this time is rough and not being too hard on myself,

I had some time alone today in a coffee shop and I enjoyed being amongst others even while alone, I remember my first safety plan talked about this...places I can go alone if I need to calm down.

I Get really socially anxious a lot so it was a big win for me to feel happy in my own company today

[quirkywords]

Sorry you have so many painful memories around. Christmas

It is hard when someone who is supposed to love and support you treated you so badly.
We are here to listen and there is beyond blue help line you can call.. 1300224636.

Thanks fir being brave to reach out and explain why Christmas is heard for you.