Cant feel the pain.

[Allymay94]

Long story short my bf broke my heart I lost it and screamed cried. I didn’t want to hurt myself or do anything stupid I just couldn’t handle the pain of it. I had to have a benzodiazepine to sleep. After waking up I felt exhausted and numb like thinking what he did to me it’s like my mind couldn’t see it straight and I couldn’t feel the sadness of it. I hate feeling pain but I’d rather feel something than nothing at all. Just a short back story my mum killed her self 9 yrs ago I found her, after a couple of days of still being in shock I guess I felt numb ppl said I was really strong but I just blocked out the pain and couldn’t talk about it. Is that what my mind is doing when it’s over powered with to much emotion it wants to shut down? Is that healthy? I’ve also got GAD so I over analyse things. I can still feel sad but the big things I block out.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Allymay94

I am so very glad that you are here to come and get some support when I can hear that you are going through a really tough time, and not just one thing, but the loss of your mother would be something you manage everyday, and on top of that the way that she died and that you were the one that found her too would be so very much to have to manage every day.

I am so sorry that your boyfriend has broken your heart, it really hurts and it does take alot of self care to get over these things. I hope that you are taking care of you and doing some things that make you feel good about you. I am so very happy to hear that you did not want to hurt yourself or do "anything stupid". I think you are such a strong person to have gone through so very much that you have and I am not surprised that you do have some trauma as a result of what you have experienced.

Maybe a trip to the doctor to discuss the Valium and the dosage maybe a good start, and to also discuss how you are feeling in general, how would you feel about that. I think some professional support would be wonderful for you too, some councelling to help you talk through some of the feelings associated with your mother as well as with your boyfriend.

We are here for you, to share you pain and to talk it through, you will be supported and cared for here Allymay94.

Huge hugs

Sarah