Unsure what to do/why I feel like this

[Caitlin0204]

Hi all,

its kinda hard to put into words how I feel but I’m going to try.

Ive had anxiety for a few years now, it used to be really bad about 4-5 years ago but I got it under control. The past 5-6 months I’ve had some pretty shit things happen in my life (workload, family issues and issues with my partners family). I thought I was handling it well and then one day I woke up and realised I needed help, I wasn’t doing ok and I noticed my moods were very low.
I went from absolutely adoring my partner, planning a future, booking holidays, doing life things that made me happy to having no “love” or “joy” from anything. My relationship has turned. I’m so distant and have no sex drive, I have no desire to do the life things I wanted to and no excitement for my big European holiday this year. This also brings out my anxiety and makes me feel worse.

im at a total loss. I started seeing a psychologist but I just find I can’t get out of this depressive state (only been twice now)

I noticed tonight I can go from being how I use to be to quickly going into this depressive state.
I don’t know what to do, its really affecting me socially and my relationship with my boyfriend and family.

I just wanna know the way I’m feeling isn’t just me going crazy in my own head and there is a way to deal with this feeling or lack of feeling.

thanks!

[smallwolf]

Hi Caitlin0204 and welcome to beyond blue.

firstly I want to acknowledge that you are taking the right steps by seeing a psychologist. And there is a way to deal with this feeling as you put it, except that it will take time. The question of how much time varies from one person to the next. My dad (nearly 80) only had or needed 6 sessions. I know one person that went for 3 year, and I have been seeing a psychologist for 2 and a bit years now. So perhaps part of the answer is between you and your psychologist you will hopefully find the answers you are looking for.

On the forums here you might want to check out the threads on grounding and mindfulness. There is also a thread called "three things to be thankul for today" which is helpful to many here. At different times in my own journey I have looked at all three threads or would do as part of my homework I got from my psychologist.

Not sure if I helped you here at all. The last thing I want to add is I also found writing here to be helpful. For me it acted as a circuit breaker to those thoughts in my head.

Peace to you,

Tim

[Gambit87]

Hi!

Good on you for reaching out and welcome to beyond blue!

For years now I stopped ('stopped' is probably a bit strong) having feelings of joy, happiness etc. I knew when I did something that I know I liked doing, I should have felt joy or happiness but I felt nothing, there was an emptiness. There have been moments where I experience pure joy and happiness - so it is there!

I've been learning (with the help of my psychologist) to reconnect with the things that bring me joy and happiness and it has been working! I'm almost at the end of a 2 week rest from work period (work is my trigger atm) and I've been reconnecting and I've experienced such intense feelings of joy and happiness that ive almost cried.

My advice would be -

Baby steps! - depression is hard and brutal, but it can be managed. Take it slow and build up! unfortunately it wont go away over night.

Talk to your partner - lay it all out.

Self care - I cant even begin to describe how important this is!

I don't need to mention psychologist because you're already talking to one. Don't be afraid to really open up.

grounding/mindfulness/meditation. It works really well for me. Its weird at the start but it after a while it brings a sense of calm and relaxation.

as smallwolf mentioned - the thread 3 things you are thankful for today! and these forums! they really help.

Its a hard road, but you'll get there! you are worth it!

all the best