Can't talk......

[Gonebush]

Most times it's so bad, talking is the last thing I want to do... Everyone says this is wrong but hiding for a week or two seems like the only way out for me!

ps the mess don't help 

[White_Rose]

Dear GB

Whatever works for you is right.  Welcome to Beyond Blue. I hope we can help you find a way back to your life.

Writing on BB can be difficult but not as hard as talking face to face. If you can manage a bit more information about yourself we can have a better conversation. Describe yourself and your ambitions. I always find it fascinating to visualise the person I am talking with.

I hope you write in again soon.

Mary

[Neil_1]

Hi there Gone Bush

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming and providing your post.

Succinct, to the point and it’s something that I wish I could be (from time to time).   🙂

It sounds like you have friends or family around you, or perhaps work colleagues?   Where you’ve mentioned how you feel to people and they’ve come back telling you this is wrong.   Hmmmm, I wonder how many of them actually feel inside the way you do?   I guess people are trying to be well-meaning and trying to be helpful, but really, if they haven’t lived it, haven’t experienced it themselves, then it makes it very difficult for us to go with what they say.

What I’m trying to say here is, if this is something that you feel you really need, then if you have the opportunity to do it, then go for it.   Obviously, if you’ve work commitments, family or other things, that could make it difficult for you, but otherwise, why not?   I like it how you’ve said that you would like some time away, for a week or two – and not to say, I want to get away entirely and run, or something like that.

Ok, having said all this, you possibly or probably should (or already) know that by doing this, it’s not going to be the super fix and end solution for you, but just a temporary measure?

Ok, I’ve waffled on a lot, yet again, if possible, would love to hear back from you to find out a bit more about your situation and how long you’ve battled etc;  but of course, only if you feel able to.

Kind regards

Neil

[Gonebush]

Thanks Mary and Neil,

To add some info I should have added yesterday......

i am 46 and lost my father to suicide 18 years ago, exfamer never saw it coming. I was warned by his doctor depression "could" be hereditary. I shook this off but then looked back at my behaviour to that point, I saw the signs of depression but ignored it!

At 36 I couldn't stay in the one job or hold a relationship for more then a couple of months, from then on it's been a journey of doctors, psychologists and different medication.

I seem not to be able to get it right and to coin a phrase from the Aussie band Powderfinger I am still "lost and running".

Agin appreciate the replies.

GB

[White_Rose]

Hello GB

It's good to know a little more about you. Having someone so close die by suicide is hard. Do you worry that you will also do this?

The "depression is hereditary or can be hereditary" always worries me. I wonder if it is more because that is the example or lifestyle we see as we grow up and live with, or is there a specific gene or hard-wiring process that makes us more vulnerable? Sometimes I think it sounds as though a person is expected to follow the way as the family member just as sons used to follow their fathers in the same profession. Whatever the reason I cannot believe it's a done deal.

I am not a psych of any shade or meaning. I want to ask if you know what you are running from. Have you ever been able to say what puts you back on the road? I expect you think this is an obvious question and it probably is. But what is it that sets you off again.

You say you are not able to get it right. What is it that you cannot get right? I will add here that I too find it difficult to get some things right. I get emotional about life and the things that happen. I feel that someone has dumped a bucket of cold water over me and I cannot breathe. From there it is one easy step to panic and the feeling that I need to run away.

I am learning to breathe and try to work out what is happening rather than just react as this invariably includes crying, anger and other unpleasant emotions which are not good to write here. Most of the time I can see that life is liveable and the pain is bearable. Not always but then I am still on the journey.

Please don't give up hope. I know it takes courage and determination to get well and often we feel that we have neither. But you wrote in to BB and asked for help. That's a fantastic first step. Look under Get Support/Find a Professional to find a GP with experience in mental health issues in your area and make an appointment. Forget all the previous attempts because now you are ready to start your real journey.

We are here to help and support you. Please keep us posted.

Cheers

Mary