Feelings & Social Interactions

[HA1]

Why is it that whenever I say something, whether written or spoke, and I don't get the exact response that I expected (or wanted?) I have this feeling of having offended that person, or that I have said something totally idiotic?  Has this to do with my mental illness or is it something else altogether?  Any thoughts from anyone?

K

[white knight]

Hi again Hideaway,

Who knows? but we can guess I suppose. I have that same problem. I once read in a book called "ADHD in adults" that "foot in mouth" with ADHD is common. Too fast in responding to realise you said the wrong thing...sound familiar?

And we know that mental illness crosses over. You might not have ADHD for example but you could have some symptoms of it if you had mania in my unprofessional opinion. In fact I was incorrectly diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar 1 in 2003 and correctly diagnosed with Bipolar 2, depression, dysthymia and anxiety in 2009 so you can see how they can be confused.

Anxiety has a place here to. So anxious we say the wrong things. It often comes out not how we wanted. You want to crawl into a hole right? And you stew over it for days right? Well I've tried to compensate for it. If I think I've offended I 'nip it in the bud' as soon as possible. After the conversation ends its too late.

But remember, if these people are true friends they will understand.Especially if you appear upset. And as you age you develop more wisdom and these situations become less common. You tend to sit back more and listen rather than your excitement being rampant.

Finally- your comfort zone. I'm in a motoring club. In the recent past I've upset some. I havent felt comfortable in a crowd of them. So now, when they have a weekend away instead of booking accommodation like all the rest in a caravan park or motels, my wife and I take our camper and camp some distance away.
We pick and choose the event we want to attend for that weekend, mix with some but not all. In effect we have developed our own "control" of our version of the event to suit our comfort. Sounds weird. Could be seen as snobbery, that I'm odd, and some say I miss out on some occasions but that's me and I can only survive in such a group by doing it my way.

So there are many things that our mental illness can effect. But there are also people that are loud, nasty, drink excessively, lack consideration etc etc. We are not as bad as them. You can read my article "So what are their mental illnesses" in search to read more.

You are human.     Tony WK

[HA1]

Many thanks WK

Yes it all sounds so familiar. Wow!

I will digest more fully what you have said and then respond in more detail.  Thanks again, it means a lot.

K

[HA1]

Hi WK

Thanks for your detailed reply.  As I said, yes it does all sound so familiar the way you put it.   

Now that I have thought about it (and taken a look at my Schema notes) i really think it has a lot to do with my social anxiety issues, combined with the sometimes irrational manic activity and thoughts that I go through.  Sort of hangs together (I think). As you say, all these things that we suffer cross over at times.

It is an area of my illness that I have trouble addressing.  But will throw more effort at it know - because, if I overcome this feeling of 'offending' people when I speak, maybe then it will cover off a lot of the social anxiety issues.

Thanks Tony.

K

[panda_panik]

Hey dude, I quite often have that initial reaction too, like my whole world will fall apart unless someone get's a joke that i just said, or if I've sent and email to a work colleague and they write back a short rude response I completely overreact.

 Basically i just have to tell myself that I'm being way too sensitive and I'm caring way too much about what other people think. I have been working full-time for over 2 years for a massive oil and gas company (before that i was a mess living at home with crippling anxiety) and I still have to tell myself everyday that I'm being an idiot and the negative thoughts in my head are just thoughts - they aren't actually me. 

Don't get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with being sensitive, but you are just seeing things in black and white which is really common in people with mental illness (seeing things in only extremes) for me i think it's because I have a complex about my dad thinking that i'm dumb - probably because that's what he used to say to me all the time! but i just can't take that with me into my adult life.

Just like you, you need to realise that it's ok if people don't agree with you and that it's fine if people don't laugh at one of your jokes!!! you can never please everyone all the time.  

[HA1]

Hi panda_panic!

Thank you - its always nice to hear that you are not alone with the feelings and emotions that we go through.

Yep, Im the sensitive old age guy.  Everything that happens or is said around me I take far too personally.  But it is really great that you are addressing these issues.  Do you think you have it beat?

Thanks again for replying 

K

[panda_panik]

Hey - no worries.

 Unfortunately I don't have it "beat" I think it's really not a matter of beating it as such, it's more learning how to deal with those thoughts when they come into your head. They will never go away, they will just have less power over me. 

Remember there is a lot of good things that come with being sensitive, like having a better understanding of people because you are more in tune with their emotions. 

Good Luck 

[white knight]

 Hideaway,

I didnt think there was anyone in the world more sensitive than me. I wonder if there are some similarities between us?

Briefly, I had a quiet, good father that was a door mat to my mother the latter I believe has BPD. I'm estranged from my mother for the reasons of denial on her part. She is in total denial , still living and my sister and I have "the problems".

We were yelled at as children to extremes and usually when we didnt expect it. We were slapped but I dont think that is a part of this problem. With BPD the extremes were loving and nurturing mother to condemnation from her and everything in between ....totally unexpected changes in mood.. 

I believe my anxiety and sensitivity has a lot to do with my childhood.

[HA1]

Hello WK - I wrote a reply and deleted it and started again:)

Sensitive? Yep, Im as close to it as you'll get.  

I think think there may be a few similarities.  Apart from the childhood experiences, which are the same, my mother is still to this day cannot imagine how there could anything from my childhood that could have contributed to my illness!  Fair enough, there are some genetic inheritances, but these were exacerbated by everything else.  My father is the gentle and sensitive soul.  

It seems from past posts, that the similarities also extend to marital and career experiences.  Interestingly, it seems also to extend to more recent lifestyle choices.  Which for me are work in progress.  

I think that the path our life has taken certainly contribute significantly to how we are today - the depth of our feelings and our sensitivities.  Just wish I had not wasted so many years in a career that, whilst 'successful', was not really for me.

Take care WK

K