Our constant passenger

[Blue_Nightingale]

Hi guys. This is my first time here- I'm not sure what I am hoping to find here, but thought I would give it a go.

I have battled with depression since my teens and more prevalently post natally and beyond. I am on anti-depressants and, try to meditate regularly, have seen a psych on and off - but mainly try to navigate it all myself. 

Recently I am just exhausted of my motivation, drive and will. I just want to sleep. Basic tasks are almost impossible. The energy it takes to put on a strong and happy facade at work and around friends and family is wearing thin. I just want to hibernate. I don't want to do anything. Not a thing. 

Ive been here before, but struggle to see how to pull myself out, what to allow myself and where to push myself? It is overwhelming. No amount of positive thinking or effort helps now.... It is all consuming. 

I feel it in my stomach, in my chest, in my heart and in my head. It isn't fair. 

I don't want to share this with friends, my husband knows but there is only so much I want to unload on him...... I feel like there is no one to talk to..... So I suppose that's why I'm here. 

Mi am very used to this just being a part of who I am.... But sometimes it's just too much. 

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[MisterM]

Hi Blue Nightingale,

Do you see or have you seen a psychologist/psychiatrist?
That could help in conjunction with the meds.

[Blue_Nightingale]

I have, but not consistently. I started with a psych last year and then she moved.... I do really need to find someone else. It's just so frustrating to have to start from scratch. But, you're right it will probably help.

Thank you 🙂 

[purpleenvelope]

Hi Blue

Gosh I feel the same so often. Just the effort of living a 'normal' life is so tiring, let along actually living it. I struggle with sleeping my days away, and every psych I have seen has told me its really bad to do it. Doesnt mean I don't want to!

 I also relate to not wanting to start all over again with a psychologist. Its hard to find a good one in the first place then have to explain allll over again what your issues are. It puts me off going again even though I know I need some support. In saying that I also know that when you do have some fresh ears it can be helpful to get a different plan and a different spin on things. Sometimes its just nice to have someone else on your team.

 Sorry I dont have any wise words to offer you, just wanted you to know you are not alone...

[geoff]

dear Blue Nightinggale, welcome to the BB site and thanks for posting your comment, and what you call it 'our constant passenger', well this is an admirable description of what depression is, it follows us around, and even if it's lurking in the background it's still there.

We often have trouble finding the right psychologist (who I prefer rather than a psychiatrist, but that;s my choice) so when we decide to want to see another one we have to begin our story again, which we become tired of telling them about our depression, so it would be a good idea to write down on a piece of paper what troubles us, then take a few photocopies so that each time you see someone new just give them a photocopy for them to read, this will avoid having to tell them.

You won't be able 'to navigate it yourself', because what happens is that you fix if you can all of the superficial problems, but it's not these that are causing you the trouble, it's those that are deep down that perhaps you are too frightened to even confront, you know they are there, but you don't know what to do, so this is where help is needed.

Spouses can be difficult as sometimes they want to help but how far do you go with telling them about your depression, or there are times when they are not interested and just push you away, so you have to decide whether you want to confide in them.

If you click '     

[geoff]

sorry I must have touched a key and off it went.

If you click 'Get Support' there will be a list of doctors etc who are aligned to BB and specialise in depression and this includes all types of this illness, so can you have a look at this and there might be a doctor who is close to you and contact them.

Let us know how you go. L Geoff. x

[Blue_Nightingale]

Thank you 😊

[Blue_Nightingale]

Thank you Geoff 😊 

[roogirl]

Hi Blue Nightingale,

 Yes, you are very right.  Depression/anxiety is all consuming.  While it hard to get out of bed and stay motivated that's the best thing you can do for yourself.  You do still feel awful, but you are moving around and your mind is at least being distracted even though the feelings are still in your head.

My depression hits me in the stomach and it feels like a gigantic knot that's stuck there.  It forces me out of bed and eases somewhat, but comes and goes during the day depending on my mood.

You need to see a professional.  I know it's hard starting over you feel as if you're telling the same story again and again.  But, talking to a professional will hopefully start pointing you in the right direction with coping mechanisms to getting well and enjoying life and family.

I'm also new to this site as of last week and I find the support and talking to others in the same situation helps lots.  So stay involved with Beyond Blue.

Good luck

Best Wishes

Roogirl

[Blue_Nightingale]

Thanks Roogirl 😊

i think I will investigate a new psyche 👍