Depression came back and I'm lost

[GabJH]

Hi, I'm a young academic who is trying to fight depression on my own. I've fought this before in high school and never thought it would come back for another tournament. I know the signs and they scare me. I'm too ashamed to tell my fiance. My work is slowly crushing me and I am continually thinking that I've made my parter sad or mad when I haven't and he isn't. I go from super excited to downright miserable all in a day. It's a cycle I don't know how to get out from. I don't have many friends where I live and none I can really talk to. I hope by posting here there might be someone who's in the same situation as me or has been and could give me some insight into how to Start climbing back out of the ring.

[Pixie15]

Hi GabJH,

Welcome to the beyond blue forums. I am concerned that you are trying to fight your depression on your own. There are some things that you can do for yourself such as eating well, keeping regular hours, exercising  and staying away from alcohol and some other foods and drinks. You may need more help than this. 

If you think that you are depressed it would be a good idea to make an appointment to talk to your doctor. Also it would be good to have a discussion with your fiance. There is no need to feel ashamed depression is an illness. Your would not feel ashamed if you were diabetic would you. 

Please seek the help you need.

Cheers,

Grateful.

[White_Rose]

Hello GabJH

Welcome to the forum. So pleased you can write here and talk about your situation.

I love your analogy of depression as a tournament, so true. I find it helps to visualise my feelings as objects or scenarios. Grateful has said some great things about diet and exercise. There is a huge relationship between these things and depression which the doctors etc are only just learning about.

You said you managed your depression at school on your own. Can you remember the strategies you used? If they worked then they may help now. But I do agree with Grateful that a visit to your doctor would be helpful.

I don't know if you have explored the BB website so I will make a couple of suggestions. BB have accurate information on depression available to you. Browse under the tabs at the top of the page, particularly The Facts and Resources. This is where you will find information for yourself and for family and friends. BB will send this to you on request.

Also, on the homepage there is a link to the one-minute depression checklist. It may help to complete this checklist and get an idea where you are.

Again quoting Grateful, talk to your fiancé. You have already identified some areas of misunderstanding which are very much in line with depression. Working together on these sorts of potential problems will enhance your relationship and help you to manage your depression.Your fiancé loves you and this why you are getting married. Let him help.

Not sure if your difficulties at work are the result of your depression or the cause. Or perhaps it's a spiral that goes backwards and forwards.

So please talk to your doctor and start the process of getting well again. write in here as often as you want.  There is always the 24/7 phone line 1300 22 4636.

Warm regards

Mary

[Chris_B]

Hi GabJH,

Welcome to the forums. In addition to the great advice from our champs above, you might want to check out The Desk. It's a beyondblue website aimed at tertiary students, that contains coping strategies and other resources. 

Also, have a look at the thread "Breakdowns - what are the warning signs & what are the symptoms?" by Redbrigade. Redbrigade is doing a PhD at the moment and is experiencing similar feelings of stress and burnout.

[GabJH]

Thank you for your post Grateful! I do many of things already but it is not enough. I have however gotten up the courage to talk with my fiance. He is supportive but has about as much knowledge as I do about how to cope. I am also now seeing my universities counsellors. I'm hoping they can help me learn some strategies.

Thanks,

GabJH

[GabJH]

Hi Mary,

 Analogies can make things less scary! I'm really glad to have found a place I can voice what is going on and to find people listening who know about dealing with depression. 

My high school depression was a side effect of glandular fever and so I never learnt strategies to cope as the depression subsided with the glandular fever treatment. But I am hoping to learn some strategies from the counsellors at my university. My fiance is also very much on board now. 

I have no idea if work has started it or not. There was an incident at work sometime back that may have started it all. But I never sought help. I'll be looking at more of BB to find more information and strategies. 

 Thanks again!

GabJH

[GabJH]

Hi Chris,

 They are great links, thanks! The rate of depression in phd students is somewhat overwhelming. Whether it is the phd environment or not, I'm not sure.

GabJH

[JessF]

Hello Gab, resilience is something that we learn over time (even old fossils like myself, there's always more to learn!) so I wouldn't worry that you are still building it up.

It's like training for a marathon, the first time you head out for a run when you've spent all Christmas sitting on the couch eating fruit mince pies, you feel like you're going to pass out or throw up. But you build up that fitness base bit by bit.

Breaking things down and dealing with your day one hour (or even one minute when it's especially overwhelming) can be very helpful as ac oping strategy.

[JessF]

Another thing too, you make that point about PHD students, we should never discount the impact that our environment has on our depression. Some things and situations in life are simply very stressful and draining. Sometimes we can forget this, and blame ourselves when things get too much, but this would be like assuming that there is no difference between picking up a paperback book and moving a piano.