Can depression affect love?

KaraArtist · ‎01-05-2014

Do you think it's possible that depression, anxiety and mental health can effect your feelings for the people you love and care about? Can we drastically change the way we feel because our depression has changed? I'm interested in what people have to say on the subject.

jen1982 · ‎01-05-2014

Depression has certainly changed my feelings towards my husband. I know I love him & couldn't imagine my life without him, but it feels different now.I really hope it goes back to the way it was.

Neil_1 · ‎02-05-2014

Hi KaraArtist

Excellent question and you've had one response already in the affirmative.

I think my response will count as two in the affirmative. Full on depression, full on mental illness causes you to almost be selfish in a way - where you just struggle to deal with anything - you have a damn hard time with all that you've got to deal with, and then if you've got a relationship, that can be affected, absolutely.

What often in these situations happens is that the other half' just doesn't get mental illness and then things are difficult at home as well. It can be like walking on egg shells sometimes.

I have a partner, and we've got two beautiful children (16yo and 13yo) and I know without a doubt, I would not be here typing to you now IF I didn't have my two children. They are my rocks, they keep me battling this illness each day.

Back to your post and your 2nd question - I don't exactly get what you mean? I'll put it here again and see if you can kind of explain what you mean - cause threads like this are few and far between here and it's great to be able to post a thread where you can hopefully get a vast array of different peoples responses. So you wrote:

Can we drastically change the way we feel because our depression has changed?

So yeah, this is the question I'm a bit confused about - can you possibly rearrange those words, so I can get a better idea of what you're meaning?

Thanx heaps, and great thread.

Neil

Jo3 · ‎02-05-2014

Hi KaraArtist

My response is affirnative as well!!

I agree that my relationship with my husband, kids and friends has changed. I love my husband but there is something missing and I don't know what it is - it could very well be me. I have lost friends because of my mental illness.

I agree with Neil, my friend that our other half don't understand mental illness; don't get it that sometimes we just want to be on our own. And like Neil, if it wasn't for my 3 beautiful kids I don't know where I would be. They have stopped me from doing anything. They have kept me going.

I really hope I can get back to how I was before my depression came to get me but I am not so sure; maybe I have changed and I will never be the same again, I don't really know.

Great questions,

Jo

geoff · ‎03-05-2014

dear KaraArtist, absolutely yes and I agree with those above, but it also works the other way as well, as those who don't have depression in the long term change their feelings to the ones with depression, so it happens both ways.

' Can we drastically change the way we feel', and the answer to this is no, because when we have this illness, we are sort of locked in, we can't think of anything positive, so when we say to our partner/spouse that we do love them, it's not the real love that once was there, it's a pretend love, even though deep down the love is there, but we can't show the empathy that was there. Geoff.

When my wife was divorcing me, I knew the reasons why, but I still loved her, but at that time I was annoyed, cross and upset, so there was no way I could tell her that I still loved her, because she wouldn't believe me.

We still talk and see each other and can have a laugh, but I couldn't nor she believe that we could ever live together again, but I still love her, but it's different love that we once had. Geoff.

KaraArtist · ‎15-05-2014

Hi Neil. In answer to your question: Can the feelings we once had for a partner change overnight due to a change in the nature of our depression? For example it has gotten much worse or better and changes in medication. do you think these things can cause you to fall out of love.

Thanks to all for replying. I see I have some soul searching to do.

white knight · ‎15-05-2014

Dear KaraArtist, I never thought I'd feel lucky to have a partner with depression. With all my 4 issues bipolar 2, dysthymia, anxiety and depression, having a partner with depression means a lot because it means she has some insight into the condition and I hers. It also means when she is down I'm often up, and visa versa. It's only a problem when we are both down. We have a policy on that. Time out.

selfishness does creep in when depression hits. I think its more like a compulsory selfishness because it is a type of survival instinct. I called it shut down. Thats my feeling on it. My anger towards those intolerant of my down times (like my ex partner) who actually every time made my condition worse IMO did cause me to drift very quickly. Yeh, she was a "snap out of it" person...ho hum.

My wife of 3 years however has shown so much compassion and understanding that we are closer rather than further apart.

I dont believe medication helps to bring relationships closer of cause them to drift IMO. But I do think that others lack of knowledge, understanding and commitment could have diar consequences for those discovering that they have a serious condition. Attitude is a big deal. If they have a poor attitude towards mental illness and their love for you doesnt extend to being an ally then one could be in for some battles along with the battle you already have. Often however, those with mental illness have a creative side with flare or an emotional side with deep sensitivity and loving feelings. If these positives are detected in a loved one then you might just be on a winner.

I could be one the wrong track though depending on circumstances so I stand corrected.

KaraArtist · ‎23-05-2014

White knight. Thank you. Your post has given me a sense of positivity for the future. I was just beginning to slip into that "how could anyone truly love someone as damaged as me" mode. Then I see this incredible positive post. I need to hold out for my ally in life. Someone who will truly stand beside me through it all.

You were on the right track. I started medication and started to see clearly. Unfortunately it meant the end of my 5year relationship. It was only causing me stress. I was worried the medication had taken something from me but now I see it only aided my journey to recovery.