Calm before the storm

[james1]

The past couple of weeks have really felt like the calm before the storm. Unfeeling. Unmoving. But on edge.

I have been keeping myself busy. In the last week, I've attended different meet up groups, set goals to write more, compose more, and exercise more. I've also toned right down on the dating side as well to give myself less to worry about.

And yet, with all these seemingly positive things, they all seem to just be delaying the inevitable and setting me up for a bigger and bigger crash.

I guess I'm just ranting about the fact that, frankly, I'm tired of this cycle. And sitting still to give myself space is just a foreign concept. I'm not used to waiting. I hate waiting. But I'm so tired of being worried about the inevitable 😞

[SourceShield]

Hi James.

I know these self limiting-beliefs well.

Thats how I now see it.

If you'd like to join in on a chat that a few of us are having on another thread - OTT - Old Thought Thoughts.

In the Staying Well section, youre more than welcome.

A few of us are sharing what we have learnt about how to navigate through some of our more stormy emotional weather-systems, that we have within.

Please feel free to join us.

What we believe will always come true for us, and thats also true for our positively-charged beliefs as well.

Just takes a new kinda focus that most of arent used to, but I believe that if another human can learn to be free of their self limiting-beliefs, than so can I, and I believe that for you too.

I get tired of the cycle too.

Its time for us to move forward with our lives, okay my friend?

Join us!

MuchLove

Kaitoa

[Guest_322]

Hi James,

Oh my goodness...I had noticed there was something a bit "off" in your posts recently. As in you were writing in a somewhat more detached style than normal, and my gut was telling me "something is not right." Now it makes a little more sense...

The emotional merry-go-round does sound very exhausting. No wonder you're so over the cycle.

I guess maybe it's like you're trying to treat an emotional cancer (sorry, I hope this doesn't offend cancer survivors and those who currently have cancer- that's not my intention).

But maybe you've been treating the "cancer symptoms" by, say, keeping busy and the like. Important as symptom management may be, the "cancer"- i.e. the underlying emotional wounds and problems- is still there. So it's like you're treating the symptoms without getting to the heart of the problem(s). But that is just a guess and I could easily be wrong, which I don't mind being...

Either way, I guess the bottom line is you're hurting and just freakin' drained. Waiting is tough; it tests the best of us.

I have little to offer other than my friendship, and I hope you know that I'm here for you. Life sure is hard sometimes but please keep holding on.

Dottie x

P.S. I know you struggle with a sense of obligation to post/continue conversations. But seriously, just post when you feel up to it. Your health is infinitely more important. We will understand, okay?

[Wednesday]

Hello James,

Just adding my voice to say we are here for you. How are you feeling now? Of course you don't need to say anything, but sometimes letting it out is a good way to get it out of your head.

Hugs, xx

[james1]

Hey kaitoa,

Thanks I'll have a look in that thread 🙂 Yes, I think it's just the refocus and rewiring of my brain that i'm struggling with. It's not that I don't want to, just that when i have so many negative thought patterns to change, it's really draining to work on with no visible/immediate/short term benefit.

Hey dottie,

Ah, you see right through me, hahaha. And yes, that analogy does seem right. I'm learning to manage the depression and overreactions and there will be days when these subside, but it's like i'm still on a hair trigger. I guess it's like the structured therapy i did earlier cut some of the cancers and we're now trying to manage any relapse of those cancers, but there's still a million left to cut once this one's fully treated.

Hey ava,

We haven't spoken in a while. I hope you are okay and the stairs tumble wasn't too bad. I have my psych appointment today. I don't remember much of the last week so I'll probably just show her what i wrote here. I love your picture!

Much love to all

James

[SourceShield]

Hey J1.

It is possible to learn how to refocus, and rewire.

I really do believe that now.

Neuroplasticity...its a blessing for all of us.

I hope that youre feeling better today, but if youre not, I'm here for you man.

No judgement.

Life isnt a race to get to the finish line.

Lets learn how to enjoy the journey.

Thats where Im at, anyway.

And, Im gonna keep moving forward on this positive momentum, and energy.

I believe that we can all be as healthy and as happy, or whatever is important to you, we can have all that, in spite of whatever disorder and issues one might have. I believe that I can be as holistically healthy as I choose.

I believe this for you too.

MuchLove

Kaitoa

[Wednesday]

Hi James,

Good luck with your appointment today, thinking of you.

There is so much now written about how we can change our brains, it is not quick but you are ever so bravely facing your demons and working on it and things will get better. Baby steps and the positive neural pathways will thicken and the negative ones reduce with less work. Okay maybe not immediately but it dies and will happen.

Hugs, xx

[Guest_322]

Hi James,

It's great to hear from you again. That does sound like an epic task, that is, to manage your "emotional cancer" relapses.

I guess it's one long work in progress. I hope your psych session was helpful and that, in good time, maybe you'll find strategies to help break the cycle. And if not, hopefully you'll at least learn to surf the emotional waves (as opposed to having it crash on you- head first). Emotional wave crashes are the pits. They hurt a lot.

As you already know, if you want to vent or chat, just drop us a line. We are here for you.

Dottie x