Calling older single women facing challenges

[LesleyM]

Hello All ... I am new to BB but so far have been blown away by the responsive support. Thank-you BB team.

Now down to 'my reality' facing an uncertain financial future at 66 years of age and not coping at all well with the situation I am currently in. I have no family and have struggled with depression all my life. This has been a challenge for me and in some instances those around me... often my behaviour/reactions (so extreme ... outbursts of anger out of frustration with myself) have sometimes astounded me. I am one of those people who onlookers would say 'has it all together' but inside I have felt a fraud most of my life ... aka .. "if they really knew me they would see my faults as easily as I do."

The journey is fraught with overwhelm and lots of tears.

I know from my work that there are lots of senior women out their doing it tough ... financially, emotionally, physically. If they feel like me they feel like they are the only ones walking this path.

I am learning something monumental from the journey this time around (nothing ever been this big for me in that past I have to add) .. I have let 'people in' and I have reached out ... hence being on this forum... the result has been overwhelming .. I still have a challenging future but I know I am cared for (have to say this makes me cry even more)... I had to let people in... the right people... with the right intuition, words, compassion (not one of them has said "it'll be alright"... people with depression know how much this means)

I am not a person to blame others for what has happened to me ... or what I think they 'have done to me' .. However, the hurt runs much to deep ... and because I have struggled with self-compassion all my life it has been hard to shift the hurt. I am annoyed with myself for letting people and incidents from the past keep hold of me so vigorously ... I look forward to my BB partnership/friendship ... Have to go now because the tears are getting in my way ... Sending love to all who need it .. you are so deserving of it..

[Guest_1643]

hi lesleym

thanks for ur post.

you write so beautifully and from the heart, have you any experience writing or sharing ur story? I think it could help a lot of ppl.

I feel that women are disadvantaged at many stages in life, and in retirement seems like another point of that.... it makes it harder if there is trauma etc. I think thats admirable how you dont' blame others for what has happened or past pain. I struggle with that, as my past trauma has a lot of impact on my life today.

I'm a woman in my 30s, I live alone, and am single.

I understand that some ppl are in r/ships, and still feel alone in certain aspeccts of their journey. I had opportunities to enter relationships that in some ways, mdae me feel worse, and yet, there is a protective layer of being "coupled".

I even remember my parter advocating for me regarding an insurance problem - he called up and said he was my husband and sorted it all out over the phone. When I tried, I think they tried to tak advantage of me more - as a single woman, they assume u know less about ur rights, and are less pushy or assertive, and will comply more easily. In som ways, this is true. Women have been socialised that if we stand up for ourselvse, we'll be seen as bossy, while to men, that isn't an issue, they can be firm, strong etc, and no one will think less of them.

Thank u for posting here, and warm wecome to backspin, Calblue and Lorena. Great posts. Loved reading about how you feel at different stages of ur lives... the struggle is real. x

[Calbue]

Hi Sleepy21,

I agree with you. Women are DEFINITELY more disadvantaged at many stages in life. Women are underrated, undervalued and always viewed as the weaker sex. Women are seen as bossy while Men who act the same are seen as Bosses. It’s frustrating that this is still the belief and feelings of others. It’s hard to stand up for yourself sometimes, when all you fear is being seen negatively. But we must persist. We can’t let people get away with treating us as lesser.

I don’t doubt that the insurance worker had no issues dealing with your partner’s call without giving him issues. Some people still have archaic views on women that at times, I think… they’re too deep into their own beliefs to change. Sometimes, you can just tell they can’t change and for those types, we should waste our breaths on educating them or trying to change their views.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Calbue,

I think what u said is very true. It happens so widely and the views are really damaging.

My partner was not nice, bullied them, and told them off for bothering me, his delicate "wife ". It worked, too! What a surprise.

I feel like we do need to protect ourselves from the endless burden of educating or explaining to closed - minded people that we are worthwhile. If someone is abusive to me because I, a woman, these days I just run and don't get in contact with them again. If I had a husband or partner, I'd use them to fight for me. Since I'm in my own, and there seems to be a real risk of standing up for myself, I usually just move on and move away. I feel like Ur comment on that was highly helpful, thank you!!