Dear Toe~
I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here, and to add the contacts she recommended are exactly what you need. While you are talking to our Support Service you might also like to ask them if there is a support group for people in your situation that you can travel to.
I can understand your kids blaming you when your wife was still un-diagnosed, kids to tend to take sides, and natural empathy may well make them side with the one who is more obviously suffering, their mum.
Now the game is different, though they may well feel, due to her diagnosis , that her support should continue.
It is no longer however a black and white matter, and there is no reason why they cannot realise you need support too and that asking them to take your wife away when she is making you suffer is natural and human.
Do you think it is worth approaching each in turn, pointing out the years of undeserved blame you have borne for her sake and theirs on your own, and that you need their support now? Perhaps as much as she does. Ask how they would have dealt with matters if they had been blamed daily by all for something they did not do? Would they have escaped unscathed?
You know your kids, I don't, however I can see no shame in asking for help. Even if only one is prepared to consider the matter is a start
Croix
