Bipolar, borderline personality and PTSD

[Billy66]

Hi all

I am new to the forums and have been reading them for a while but have been to too nervous to respond. I have 3 young adult children and a grandson who I adore. I work as a nurse in what can be a very stressfull environment. I haven't been at work for the last 2 months as I have been in hospital with a depressive phase of my bipolar. I got out of hospital yesterday and have today found out from my case manager that I have been diagnosed with borderline personality as well. 

I'm it hard to work out how I can be diagnosed with this while I am depressed. I have a great GP who is so supportive and a case manager in the community.  I have been assigned to a new psychiatrist who I'm not keen on but am willing to give him a try. 

Even with this support I feel like I am struggling all the time. I have no friends and have disowned my family. Does anyone have any suggestions

hope you all have a happy day

Billy66

[Neil_1]

Hi there Billy & Scarlett

This is awesome – we’ve got a bit of a 3-way banter happening here and boy oh boy, with what you two have written, I hope this response doesn’t get too carried away, but there’s heaps to respond with and chat about.

Ah yes, the little Terrier – it’s just gotta be there instinct in hunting or getting damn excited about other animals – rabbits especially.  We were able to tell our Jack Russell/Kelpie about our bunnies (we have two of them, flop eared variety) and told him that we simply do not eat members of our family.  And Tess, though as deaf as a post, seems to have picked up the message quite good as well.

Last summer, when we had her for the first time, we got her professionally clipped by one of those mobile dog services and she just stood there and got it all done.  I guess cause she’s 16yo, she’s not fussed with people anymore and her teeth aren’t sharp anyway – but she does have the most amazing manner – just calm and relaxed, except at tucker time – and boy, she loves hovering in the kitchen.

Billy, your daughter is training to become a bodybuilder – that’s awesome.  I compete as well and am aiming to compete again this September/October.  I’m 11 weeks out from my first comp for this season - things seem to be on track – it gets tougher as you get along, as the diet ramps up more, what you can and definitely what you can’t eat.

I’m so pleased to hear that the bully has left your workplace;  that would be a huge load off.

My work also is very good with my mental illness – I’m very lucky that way, cause I’ve heard stories that it’s not always the case.  And yes, having different managers in a short space of time, doesn’t lend itself for continued longevity so you can develop a certain repour.  Scarlett, I hope things get a bit more settled for you soon.

I’ve finally found a good psych, which is massive, to have someone who you can unload too, but also to receive helping tips, etc.

LOVE my footy – both NRL and AFL – and run a footy tipping comp also.

Cheers

Neil

[Scarlet72]

Hi Neil and Billy, good to hear from you both,

Good luck Billy with your first day back at work, hope it all goes well. I'm very proud of you talking to your team about the past few months. I used to be based in a small close team but since being ill my employer moved me around 2 offices in an attempt to isolate me in the hope I would resign! 

there seems to be common themes in our lives! I'm an adopted Cats fan through my partners family, enjoyed a few live matches but always keen to watch on TV. Thankfully my dog didn't create too much havoc in the pet store, I'll leave it a while before I go back!

sport and exercise seem to play an important part in our lives. I'm going for a trial crossfit session on Saturday, hoping to build strength to assist my running and also a new outlet. Talking to family and friends really helps as well but I'm always aware that I don't want to burden them with my troubles. 

 I was hoping to return to work today but just couldn't push myself to go, not sure it was Monday morning blues! I have a good psychologist and due to see my Doctor tomorrow morning so hoping to talk through some issues to head back to work on Wednesday. I really feel like I want to be back at work but just can't face the pressures that come with the role. I do need to try and speak with a manager who I can trust but that takes time. 

Hope you are both having a good day

scarlet

[Billy66]

Hi Scarlett and Neil

work went OK yesterday. I have now decided not to talk to my team as listening to them talking yesterday bothered me. We were having a discussion about things our neighbours had done to annoy us and they were calling these people psychos and saying they must have mental health issues.  I was going to say something then but I felt that I wasn't ready to just yet. Scarlett is there a way that encourages you to go to work? I found years ago that car pooling got me going as I had to go if I was getting picked up! It's not good that your boss was trying to make you quit. Do you have someone in human resources that might be able to help or are you in a small organisation? I work in a large hospital so there is that help there if you are brave enough to access them. 

My daughter is competing in her first body building comp in sept and yes the diet you guys are on is strict. My daughter is enjoying the whole preparation and how her body is looking. All my kids are skinning so to see her with a nicely sculptured body is great. I really should do some exercise but I'm not motivated at the moment. If my medication makes me put on any more weight I will have to do something.

I love my AFL. I'm a huge Hawks supporter. Been to one live game. It's hard to get to a live game due to my location. I following the NRL as we'll but find it frustrating as it's so much slower than AFL. I too ran a tipping comp at work until this year. I was to unwell this year to get it started. 

I saw my case manager yesterday and discussed how people can have bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I still don't really get it. It is good to be able to unload stuff with someone and to be able to trust them with all that information.

Have a great day

Billy66

[Neil_1]

Hi scarlet & billy

I hope that you’re able to get back to work soon and that you can make that important conversation with your manager.     Also having a good psychologist is great and am pleased that you’ve got that as well.   And having a good doc to be able to talk things over is another helpful thing to have.

Sport and exercise are great, but oh so important and even more so for us who have mental illness issues – and doing this crossfit business is fantastic and wowee, what a workout it is.   I occasionally have a lash at a couple of their things, but mostly I’m happy with just lifting my weights and doing other sorts of cardio.  However, one thing that I must say I’m now addicted to are the walking lunges, whilst holding a weighted bar over your head with straight arms.  This is an amazing workout, cardio session and built-in abs/core workout all rolled into one.   If you do enough of them, your lower abs the following day are sore as – the good sore, as doing this exercise really switches on that core muscle group to keep everything in place and steady.

That was funny, when you said ‘I’m an adopted cats fan …” and I immediately thought, but hey, I thought we all owned dogs and were dog lovers.  J

Kind regards

Neil

Ps:  the brown and gold are my team and can’t tell you how much I love them.   But I do know with footy that we LOVE our team and for the most part, really despise the other teams – but I must say, the camaraderie that happened over the weekend after every game was amazing – a beautiful thing and way to honour the Adelaide Crows coach, Phil Walsh.  No songs sang, just the teams getting together, forming circles in the middles of the ground, arms around each other and the crowd watching on in silence.  It also permeated throughout so many suburban games of AFL as well throughout the country.  Well done to all, I say.

[Scarlet72]

Hello Billy and Neil,

i can't believe it, I am out numbered by hawks fans! I was a fan of buddy during his time with the team. It's one thing I love about Australia is the level of enthusiasm everyone gives to sport especially when a sporting hero departs early, Phil Hughes, Jim Stynes to name a few. 

Billy, i am pleased you went to work today, I understand your apprehensions about telling colleagues your story, it takes courage and a huge amount of trust. I must say though, that maybe your colleagues don't even realise the discriminatory comments they had made. I remember years ago working within a health team setting and a colleague was calling drug users 'smack heads' when i discreetly told him how offended I was about his comments, he was mortified that he had offended me and as a professional he always treated people with the upmost respect but he felt it was ok to talk with colleagues like this in the staff kitchen but never out in the field. I'm sure if your colleagues were aware of the offence they had caused to you, they would be equally mortified. Such conversations are confronting though and you need to feel safe and strong. How many days are you working?

My fitness levels aren't quite at your level, Neil but I will give the walking lunge with bar a go in the next few days, a new task for me to complete! I'm impressed about your competitions, it takes commitment and self belief to do this, I don't have the self discipline to stick with such a strict diet, I'm a chocoholic! I have discovered cocoa superfood, so feel less guilty indulging in this!

Medication plays havoc with weight, I'm gaining week by week so maybe we all need to take our beloved dogs for extra walks around the block and trips to the beach! 

I saw my Doctor today, I wasn't 100% honest with him about how low I had felt this past week. I really annoy myself when I do this, he was happy to sign me off work until the end of the week but I felt ready to return to work tomorrow for a few days to ease back into it. I will approach my manager next week when they return from leave to explore what support I can get to assist me through the difficult phases with my depression and anxiety.  I work in a large organisation. I will see how things progress with my manager next week and talk to HR after then. Fingers crossed for tomorrow

hope you are both well

scarlet

[Billy66]

Hi Neil and Scarlett

Hope you are both feeling good today. I've been to work mon and wed and go again fri for half days. it hasnt been to bad. next week i will do 4 half days. 

while I 'm writing this I'm watching one of my dogs sleeping and she is dreaming - she is waging her tail and making a funny noise. so cute. we also have a cat, a cockateil and a beatded dragon. 

Scarlett I hope you feel well enough to go back to work next week. getting there is the hardest thing to do. Once you're there its usually not to bad.

Neil, who is your favourite hawks player. Im a big Jaryd Roughead fan and Gibson too. I've been a member for many years now. It was amazing watching the 78000 people at the hawks / pies game absolutly silent last fri night. Sport has a great way of bring people together and drive them apart. i hate collingwood with a passion but most people do. 

So I'm going to try and be enthusiastic now and tackle the housework. 

hope you both have a good day

Billy66

[Neil_1]

Hi there Billy  (& Scarlet)

Boy oh boy, we’re due for some rough weather coming up in the next few days.  Snow is even forecast for Canberra.

Mind you, it can’t be as bad as last Sunday was – it only topped out at 4 degrees !!   Fog all day and it was horrible.

Love it when the puppies have dreams – good dreams though;   if ours if having one of those bad ones, where they get all quivery and shakey, we tend to give him a little pat to calm him down.

And with last night’s game in Adelaide, Port V Collingwood, how amazing was it after the game, where the doused the lights of the stadium, they played that “Lantern” song that rang out over the stadium and had a whole stack of photos of Phil Walsh on the big screen.  The people in these places that are doing this are really doing some quality stuff.  And the crowd were either given lanterns, or it might just have been their mobile phones all lit up – from up high, through the teev, it looked amazing, AND quiet.

That’s a very hard question:   Cyril has gotta be right up there, so too is Hodgey, but yes, Roughy is a ripper (and I hope he’s now ok after that cancer scare as well).

Kind regards

Neil

[Billy66]

Hi Neil and Scarlett

Hope you are both well. Neil I don't know how you deal with cold weather like that! I'm a bit of a sook. If the temperature goes below 20 degrees I'm all rugged up. As for snow I've only seen it once and it was all dirty and looked like someone had peed on it. It was on the side of the road in Tassie. I heard that when it is snowing it actually gets a little warmer but still cold. It must look nice when it is falling.

Roughy is supposed to be  playing tomorrow even though he has stitches in his lip. Cyril is awesome too. I think Hill is going to be a brilliant player as well. He has that speed and agility needed through the centre and he can kick. I'm going to watch my son play today. He is very tall 6 foot 3 and is really skinny so he plays in the back pocket. I think he is a good player but he thinks he is bad. His dad is one of his coaches which makes it harder for him. His dad is always telling him he could do better. 

Do you think you will go to work this week Scarlett. I hope you gat there cause it usually makes you feel better if at least you got there. I.m going 4 half days this week. It is not very busy at the moment at my job which is a problem as I need to be busy to distract myself. I hope you get there. 

My daughter is allowed to have a 3 hour break from her strict diet today and she has bought chocolate and ice cream in preparation. She makes me laugh doing that. Her body is looking ready good. I think it must be very different between men and women what is needed muscle wise for competition. Neil, do you eat 6 or 7 meals a day? My daughter measures everything while she cooks enough food to last a week. You have to be very motivated.

Have a great day and stay warm!!

Billy

[Scarlet72]

Hi Billy and. Neil, good to hear from you. It's been a very cold weekend down here in Melbourne and the same forecasted for next week. It's rained all day, took the dog out for a walk, he made it onto the door step, saw the rain and turned around and walked back into the nice warm house and stayed on his bed all day! It's a dogs life for sure.

the cats lost last night so my partner is not happy, their second or third loss in a row, not good, sad faces today!

i made it to work last Thursday, 2 days, my manager was too busy to talk with me so I will try again next week to progress conversations. I'm pleased you are back at work Billy, it does take your mind off things but it's finding a balance between being busy and not being too busy that it gets you stressed and exhausted. I feel better going back to work tomorrow having been 2 days last week, less overwhelming. I am hoping to reduce my hours and days to 4 in July, August and September and see if this helps with my depression and anxiety.

pleased we are all keeping busy and getting out and about over the weekend. I joined a local cross fit group yesterday, went for an induction and signed up for an 8 week programme, hoping to increase my confidence. It was a tough session, very committed and dedicated people who are very disciplined with their  routine, food and exercise but nice and friendly, made me feel welcome.

 Hope you are both well and have a good week, stay warm and cool! 

Scarlet

[Neil_1]

Hi there scarlet and billy

Great to hear from you both again.

The work situations are sounding good for you both.  Two days is better than no days scarlet.  And yes, fully agree with you with the balance thing of busy, quiet and then being too busy that it becomes over the top.

Scarlet, way to go on getting along to the cross fit group and your induction – and signing up for 8 weeks.  Billy and I will be your ‘on-line’ motivators if you’d like.  But it also sounds like a terrific group you’ve joined, considering how you’ve described them – that really helps big time, committed, dedicated, disciplined and things like that DO rub off, but as I mentioned, being nice and friendly and welcoming is a massive thing too.  Sounds like they’ll be right in your corner also.

Can’t wait to hear of updates, etc.

Billy, yep, I cooked up 23 meals on Saturday arve – all of chicken, plus sweet potato, beans, broccoli and asparagus, plus my secret herbs, chicken salt and a dash here and there of garlic.   Chicken is all weight, but I’m slack with the vegies.  Then it’s all frozen except for two days worth at a time.

Yes, the it’s an absolute art and science when it comes to reducing down for a comp – this time I’m doing it solo, as in with my food prep and diet; whereas, I’ve been coached in the past, but it gets very costly doing it that way.

So yeah, I have 7 meals a day and I average about 4.5 – 5 litres of water each day.  My aim is to be losing ‘at least’ 500g each week – I only lost 400g last week but in the last 2-3 weeks, is where you can really make big drops when the food gets played around with a bit more and the cardio is going full on.  The metabolism should be going gangbusters at that stage also.

It’s honestly great to know that one can drink so much beer during ‘off-season’, but can get to ‘stage condition’ by September – but as you age, it gets harder and harder.  I think I’d be one of only a very few people who do bodybuilding who attacks the beer like I do when not prepping.

Neil