Being Good At Feeling Bad

[NotAGhost]

Anyone ever get so tired of learning how to deal with mental illness? They tell you to go for a walk, talk to friends, have a snack or a hot drink, eat, sleep, go under the Sun. And look, yeah, those things get me through the day, but it does not make the day more enjoyable. It just keeps me alive- and that's good, apparently.

  I mean sure, it actually is. I want to play the new hzd game, watch the next season of sandman, go swimming when it finally gets hot enough and all those things require breathing to one extent or the other.

  But sometimes I wonder if the fact that those things feel worth doing is the illusion, and depression is the most accurate response to reality. If suffering is the baseline and those moments of joy and fulfilment are evolutions way of bribing us into existence. If so, evolution really needs to pay me better. I guess I'm not having kids though, so maybe it's right not to care about me.

  The blighter should really remember we are a social species and that my existence is still good for the community. Atleast, I hope it is.  Either way, it's stuck with me for now, I'm really good at being miserable and somehow finding joy. I'm really good at supporting the people I love, and want them to have the opportunity to support me. I'm really good at doing the daily little things, eating something, looking at the blue sky, talking to someone, for a bit. If depression wants to end my mortal existence I needs to use its own hands, mine are occupied. 

[geoff]

Hello NotAGhost, what is suggested to us to help with our depression of any type, may help some, while it doesn't for others and can easily vary from day to day, depending on the mood we're in, but it's  how we feel after doing any of these and whether it's benefited us is the concern.

How you are feeling now may seem to be good as it passes the time of day, but it those few moments where you aren't aware of, that you need to be careful.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[therising]

Hi NotAGhost

I can relate to where you're coming from, how everyone seems to have the answer yet those answers don't feel like they make any difference. Logically, if they were the best solutions you'd be able to feel them as solutions. It can be more like 'Hmm, not feeling any joy through that solution, not feeling the love, not feeling myself vibing up' etc. It kind of puts you in 'neutral' where all the 'solutions' aren't bringing you down necessarily yet they aren't raising you either. Bit like being stuck in limbo, which can become depressing.

Can also relate to what you say regarding all the hard work in managing mental health. While I'm a gal who came out of long term depression some years ago, the amount of work it takes to manage not returning is pretty mind blowing. Wondering whether you'd define yourself as part researcher/part wonderer. It's like you can be wondering how to get out of some depressing episode and research all the possible factors that may have got you there. You can be researching (in your mind) who or what may have got you to that point and then, through Google, research ways of meditating your way out of it, ways of better understanding how your brain and emotions tick and was of gaining greater energy etc.

One of the most significant things I came upon led me to the realisation...I'm a feeler or what some may call 'a sensitive' (someone who's sensitive to what they feel). Tough gig when you're a feeler. You can feel being brought down, when you're in neutral, feel when life's unfulfilling, when people/situations set off your nervous system etc. You can feel you're own lack of energy and so much more.

Bonus involves feeling yourself hit on a revelation. Nothing quite like it. Wondering if you've ever experienced that. While it may feel enlightening in the kind of way where you can sense less darkness it's also in a way where the heaviness lifts a little or a lot (depending on the revelation).

May sound a bit out there but as someone who has the ability to feel, you become a seeker. While people may be throwing solutions out there that work for most and you reach the conclusion you're not like most people, ask them to give you a list of the things that could possibly make a difference in your life and tell them 'I'll let you know which one feels like the best solution'.