hi, so many things floating around in my head and Im not sure where to
start or even what to say. I was 'diagnosed' with PTSD 5yrs ago. I say
'diagnosed' because even though I am sure thats what it is I could no
longer afford to see the psychologist ...
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hi, so many things floating around in my head and Im not sure where to
start or even what to say. I was 'diagnosed' with PTSD 5yrs ago. I say
'diagnosed' because even though I am sure thats what it is I could no
longer afford to see the psychologist for a variety of reasons so didn't
really investigate it. I am married, albeit unhappily, and have 3
wonderful children, d-22,s-17,d-15, whom I live each day for. I know
deep inside that I need to try and access something, anything that can
help me ride these crises, but I continue to ride each day out until it
passes. The smallest of things, today it was rejection, rejection
confirming that I am not an attractive person, that I am fat and not
worthy of anything, that I am stupid and a drama queen. i suppose they
are right, I am my entire story would take up the allotted 2500 words
and its messy and probably not the right place for it. I am also not
proud of some of the paths i have taken so by not acknowledging them
seems to make them go away, if only for the briefest of times. Today,
I've been on the brink of tears for most of the day but tell myself to
shrug to off and get on with things. sitting here typing this I am
holding back the tears, the kids are home and this is not their problem
they don't need it, can't show any weakness. The husband is here, can't
let him see I'm struggling cos he doesn't understand nor does he show he
cares, this is all his fault. well maybe not all, but i feel a majority
of it is so what do I do, where do I turn. I have no friends, he made
sure of that. I can't be seen to 'waste' money on a psychologist because
its a waste and doesn't work anyway, according to him. so i spend most
days sitting on the iPad playing an online game and interacting with my
'friends' who don't judge or care but are there and treat me with
respect. even getting to the supermarket is a challenge, mainly because
i can't be bothered. I've gained weight and don't even care, well i sort
of do, but its easier not to HELP..I'm lost and don't know where to turn